"Good morning Frank!" Carter said as he viewed this morning's board.

"There is a Trauma coming in," Frank informed Carter "there was an automobile accident a few miles from…." Frank had no time to finish.

The paramedics came rushing in explaining the patient's vitals. Carter took a swig of his coffee and quickly caught up to the fast-moving gurney.

"Oh my gosh…" That was all he could say.

His face was blank as he starred at the patient lying there. "what's wrong?" Dr.Lewis said as she joined him in the Trauma room. Then she too looked down at the patient lying there.

"It's Doug" she said in astonishment. It was like Doug Ross had heard her.

"Susan?" he said, gasping for air.

Carter was moving quicker than ever. He put an oxygen mask on Doug and started barking orders for IV fluids and medication. He had been in this situation before. He hated the way it felt. Carter was still in astonishment when Dr. Corday walked in the trauma room.

"Did someone page me?" she asked the doctors and nurses that were still in amazement. "I did" Carter said.

It sounded as though he too was gasping for air. Dr. Corday looked at the chart and told Carter what to do. Just then the doors of the Trauma room swung open and someone ran in.

"Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh!" the woman said staring at Doug. That's when Carter saw her face. Her face was pale and she had no make-up on, but Carter knew right away who it was. It was Carol Hathaway.

"I'll be fine…" Doug's voice trailed off.

"Doug…." Carol began to sob. That was when it seemed as though Carter was boosted into action. Dr. Corday rushed over to help.

"Page ortho!" Carter yelled at a nurse out of frustration. She quickly dialed the numbers. That was when Carter was handed an X-ray. He held it up to the light and knew that he was Doug's only hope.

"He'll need a chest tube" told Dr.Lewis who went right into action. Carter was handed the materials he needed for the procedure and he began.

"Carter" Doug said laying there "I don't know if I trust you" Then he laughed. It seemed as though the tension broke right there and everyone began to laugh.

Carter spent quite a long time in the SICU with Abby talking to Carol. Doug lay in the bed and Carter was happy to see him finally getting some rest. Rest. That was something that Carter definitely needed and you could see it in his face, his face was pale, his hair was straggly, and his eyes were darkened with exhaustion.

Carter didn't care how he looked or how he felt. He loved being with Abby. He felt like he never wanted to go back to work, an emotion that lingered in his heart when he was with Abby, like the whole world didn't mean anything if he wasn't with her. As soon as he was really getting into the whole "I love Abby I never want to leave her" thing his pager went off.

Great timing he thought.

He quickly gathered up his things and gave Abby a kiss. Today was one of the most stressful days he had ever had.

Maybe once Doug is alright I will be less stressed out he thought as he walked toward the elevator; the elevator that would bring him to one of the most scary, exciting, and dramatic places in the whole hospital, the ER.

2 WEEKS LATER

"If you are in the mood for a nice peaceful day in the ER you had better go home," Frank told Carter as he pointed to the television in the corner of the room.

The newscaster explained there had been a shooting downtown. "Who is on today?" Carter asked Frank in a worried voice.

"Let's see," he pondered at the question then answered, "You, Dr.Lewis, Pratt and um…that's it."

Carter began to get worried, but he had no time to think because the paramedics came rushing in with not one, not two, but 10 victims of the shooting, two of which were young children. He rushed to the gurney then pointed the paramedics in the direction of
Trauma 1.

It had been two weeks since Doug's surgery and he had left the hospital a few days earlier. He decided to visit the ER staff. He missed the hospital atmosphere. Doug parked his car and headed for the entrance. If only he knew what was in store for him when he walked through those doors…..

Doug walked briskly toward the direction of the ER doors. Frantic doctors and nurses trampled Doug as they were running to the gurneys of injured patients. He didn't recognize any of the doctors and apparently none of them knew him because they pushed him out of the way in an attempt to reach the ambulances that were arriving.

"How many more victims are there?" Doug heard a loud voice and soon realized that it was Carter. He wasn't used to seeing Carter in charge. He thought back to the days when it took him 6 tries to get an I.V. in. Doug chuckled to himself and then walked over to Carter.

"Hey, Doug," Carter said under his breath. It seemed as though he had been working very hard. He focused his attention back to the patient and began to bark out orders.

"Have fun," Pratt said sarcastically as he headed out the door.

"Where are you going?" Carter said worriedly.

"I have a important place I need to be" Pratt continued and shut the door behind him.

"Great," Carter said. He was loosing his patience. It was only he and Susan now. He had no idea what to do. Then he had a very interesting idea.

"Doug," he said, "could you do me a favor?"

"Sure," Doug said not aware of what he had in mind, "you know I'll be there for you if you need me.

"Well, as you can see we are a little backed up…" he didn't have time to finish his sentence because paramedics came rushing in with another victim. Carter motioned for Susan to take care of it and he turned back to Doug. "Is there anyway you could kind of well…help out?" He seemed worried about Doug's response, but he needed the help and he had nowhere else to turn. "…I mean you don't have to do anything fancy just help me get organized, maybe sew some people up..that's all…"

"Sure," Doug said with a smile, "anything for Dr.Carter."

Doug let what he said sink in.
Wow he thought I don't know if I even remember how to do this. It's been years since I left County.

He knew he had no time to stand there and think over his decision. Carter needed his help. And even though Doug wasn't the trustworthiest guy in the world, he felt now was a good time to be there for someone. Carter saved his life and he couldn't ever repay him. No amount of money or favors could add up to what he had done for him. Doug may not be very trustworthy, but he sure was thankful for the great friendship he had with Carter.

"Well," Carter said noticing that Doug hadn't moved since he replied to his request, "don't just stand there. I need your help now not later"

"Right," Doug said rubbing his eyes. Then he looked up at Carter. "Where should I start?"

"Sort out the critical from well..the not so critical then report back to me," Carter said as though he was an army commander and Doug was his cadet.

"Ey, ey captain," Doug said with a chuckle. Then he began to look around the room. His nerves set in.

Can I really do this? Doug thought. Even though he had self-doubt he decided to go over to a young boy on a gurney in the corner of the room.

"Hey buddy," he said in his sweet "I'm a kid doctor" voice.

The boy didn't reply and Doug was concerned. Just then a nurse walked by and Doug grabbed the stethoscope right off her neck.

"I will be borrowing this, nurse," he said as he put it on.

"I have a name," she said sarcastically.

"I'm sorry," Doug said, "what is your name?"

"Abby," she said, "and you're Doug, right?"

"Yep. I'm sorry I stole your stethoscope." He didn't mean it, but he had to be nice to nurses, his wife was once a nurse.

Abby laughed and took the stethoscope right off his neck. She walked away.

"Nurses," Doug said as quietly as he could.

"I heard that!" a voice yelled from down the hall.

Doug now stood there by the gurney of the little boy, alone. Then Carter walked by.

"I hope you have some good news for me," Carter said

"Well, not really," Doug answered still amazed at what Abby had done, "I could use a stethoscope and some other stuff if you want me to be of any help."

"And why didn't you ask me this earlier?" Carter asked as he lead Doug to the lounge. Carter took a few thing out of the closet and handed them to Doug.

"Thanks" Doug said. He walked out of the lounge confidently, wearing his old lab coat and stethoscope. "I'm surprised you still had all this stuff."

"We were waiting for the great return of Dr.Ross."

Then Doug, or should I say Dr.Ross headed right over to the little boy.

"Hey buddy" he said even sweeter than before.

"Hello," the little boy mumbled shyly

"I'm Dr.Ross," he told him, "can you tell me what's wrong?"

Just then, silence. Doug knew what kind of silence it was, horrible silence. He listened with his stethoscope again, realizing the boy's lungs must be filling with fluid.
Why didn't I realize this before? he asked himself. Am I never going to be the doctor I was years ago?

He didn't know why or how this was happening to the little boy he didn't even know his name, but he did know what to do about it. Doug looked over at Susan and motioned for her to come over. He told her what he knew, which sadly wasn't much and they headed toward Trauma 1.

As much as he liked the hospital atmosphere it also freaked him out. It reminded him of all the times he tried before and failed, of all the times he treated Hathaway badly, and of all the times he wished he had never become a doctor.

In the Trauma room he merely watched Carter and Susan knowing he couldn't do much, he was retired. Then Carter's beeper went off and he left the room.

"I need your help, Doug" Susan told him along a few things she needed him to do. Before he knew it Doug was telling Susan and the nurses in the room what to do. Susan didn't mind and it seemed that the nurses didn't either, except for maybe Abby.

"Thank you" a tiny voice mumbled after about an hour in the Trauma room. Dr.Ross loved that voice and he realized that was why he became a doctor. Not for money or any other material possession, just that. Those two simple words, Thank You.

You were great in there." Susan told Doug as they walked out of the Trauma room.

"Thanks" he replied. I guess I didn't loose my touch. I was great in there, I really was. Just then he heard a familiar voice.

"Hey honey," Carol said as he kissed Doug on the cheek. He smiled. He was happy to see her. Then Carter walked by.

"Hello John," Carter kept walking as Carol greeted him, "CARTER!" she yelled hoping to gain his attention this time, and she did. He turned around.

"I'm sorry, no one has called me John since um…ever" he laughed

"I just thought since you're a big hot shot attending now that Carter had gone away."

He laughed again, "It's good to see you Carol."

"Carter, you look horrible! How long have you been on?"

"Eight, Ten, Twelve hours, I don't know….I lost count." He rubbed his eyes and began to walk away.

"Carter, Susan!" Abby yelled from the Trauma room, "get in here. The kids crashing"

Doug's mind began to race. What did I do wrong? The kid was stable. I shouldn't have even helped Susan. I should of let her handle it.

He ran after Susan, his mind still racing with unanswered questions. For once in his life Doug was real scared. To add to all the drama in Doug's life at that time the parents of the boy walked in, the boy whose name he didn't know, who's life he tried to save, whose life he may have ruined. He decided to talk to the parents. He didn't belong in that Trauma room anyway. He didn't dare to even think what could be going on in there.

"Hello," he walked up to them, " can I help you?" he stared at the ground. Adults made him nervous even though he was one himself. That's why he became a pediatrician. Kids are so much easier to talk to. He looked up at them again to see that there faces were red and covered in tears. Doug felt like crying himself even though he wouldn't ever want to admit it. I have to be strong. He told himself, he had to.

"Our son," the woman told him as she continued to sob, "was brought here a few hours ago from school, his teacher told us he collapsed, unable to breath"

"Well," Doug explained, "when the paramedics brought him here, he was breathing fine and appeared to be doing great"

"That's wonderful," the woman smiled.

"I'm sorry to say," Doug continued. He hated doing this, you know telling the horrible truth. It would be a lot easier if I could just lie and get out of this place. He thought to himself, "we encountered another problem, your son is very sick and the doctors are trying their best to fix the problem"

"Can we see him?" the husband asked, his voice crackled with sadness as he spoke.

"Well, not right now," Doug told him, "but I will let you know as soon as the doctors know what, and why his condition has worsened."

It's all my fault. It's all my fault. These words ran through Doug's brain like a broken tape recorder. No matter how hard he tried he couldn't stop thinking this. It's all my fault. It's all my fault.

"Are you okay?" Carol asked as she took a seat next to him.

"Yeah" Doug said rubbing his eyes. He looked up at her, "how is the kid doing?" Doug asked waiting for a disappointing response.

"It's not looking too good, Doug," she told him as she rubbed his shoulder. She felt bad for him and as much as she knew Doug should have never helped out in the Trauma room she couldn't help feeling this horrible sadness. Doug held her and together they sat in silence for what seemed to be forever.

Carter walked into the lounge where Doug and Carol were. They couldn't tell if Carter was sad or not. His exhaustion hid all emotions.

"Doug," Carter said as he walked over to him, "we tried for about an hour to get his heart beating again, fortunately we did. His chances aren't too good. He would need a miracle to stay alive."

"Did you tell the parents?" Doug asked as a heavy burden fell on him. It may have been his fault; it could have been anyone's fault. Doug felt like he had to tell the parents. If anyone it should be him.

"Go home Carter." Doug told the exhausted, overworked doctor, "I'll tell the parents."

"You know Doug," Carter told him as he walked out the door, "It's not your fault"

Doug got up and started to walk away.

"You know he's right, Doug" Carol smiled at him.

"Yeah I know," Doug replied. He didn't know. In his mind the blame was still on him. He walked toward the waiting room where the parents of the kid sat.

How am I supposed to tell them? he questioned himself over and over.

"How is he?" the mother asked as soon as she recognized Dr.Ross.

"Well…." Doug's voice trailed off. His mind was empty of things to say. As soon as he was about to continue Abby ran into the room.

"Doug, hurry!" Abby yelled "It's the kid!"

"…he's awake" Abby finished.

Wow….maybe there is hope.Doug thought. Just maybe…

Hope. Doug really didn't have much of this today. He walked through that entrance and everything, everything seemed to go down hill from there. He was so shocked by Abby's statement that he just stood there for a moment in shock. Not the horrible shock you receive when some thing terrible has happened, but the shock that something unbelievable, almost impossible has happened in the midst of all you've been through.

"Doug?" Abby asked

"Oh, sorry…I'm coming," he replied as he started to follow Abby.

He then saw the doors of the trauma room. Doug opened the doors and walked.

"Hey Buddy," he said to the kid as he had to many other children throughout his years at County, "how are you feeling?"

And although the kid was on a ventilator and unable to respond he could see a small smile and glow in his eyes as though he said hello right back and was thankful for the company.

"Bp's 120 over eighty," Abby informed Doug

"Mm-hmm and let's get another chest x-ray."

Doug started to check all of his vitals and from what he could see, everything was close to normal. The fluid in is lungs must have been clearing up and Doug was happy. Happiness had escaped him all day and finally the feeling that Doug loved so much had returned.

Doug received the x-ray and saw that it was okay to take the kid off of the ventilator. He calmed him first and finally removed the tube. He invited the kid's parents in. They were scared to see the ventilator and all the IV's the child was hooked up to. And even thought they were frightened the littlest bit it seemed to all go away when they saw his face smiling back at them. They hugged him and cried, but these tears were tears of joy and not terrible tears of sadness they had cried so little time ago.

"We love you Doug," they told the little boy lying there,

Doug laughed quietly to himself and then walked over to the gurney.

"Doug," he said, "you're gonna do fine, you're gonna do just fine."

THE END