Okie dokie, everyone, this is the rewrite! For those of you who liked the original one, I hope you like this one better.
Hermione Granger, seventh year student at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, sat in her Defense Against the Dark Arts class, chatting with her best friends, Harry and Ron.
"I'm thrilled Professor Lupin is back this year. I learned so much during third year, I'm quite anxious to see what new things we'll learn this year. I'm not, however, delighted that we have it doubled with the Slytherins," Hermione exclaimed.
"Mental, I'm telling you! She's always been a wee bit off her rocker," Ron whispered to Harry.
Harry grinned, nodding his head slightly in agreement. The moment Professor Lupin asked his first question, a whizzing noise rang through Ron's ear. He turned to his right to see that the noise was made by Hermione's hand shooting in the air so quickly.
"Not much of a surprise, eh?" Ron questioned to his best friend. Harry covered his mouth, suppressing the urge to laugh out loud. The result of his action was an obnoxious sort of snorting noise.
Hermione glared daggers at her laughing friends while wiggling her hand in the air as if she were a four year old who had to pee.
"Yes, Miss Granger?" the Professor asked amusedly.
She finally let her arm collapse against her side as she stated confidently, "When using the killing curse…" At that moment, the torches in the classroom went out.
"Bloody hell," Ron breathed fearfully as he gripped Hermione's arm, squeezing it, trying his best to stay calm.
"Ouch, Ron, that's my arm," she said, yanking her arm from Ron's deathly clutch.
"Everyone just quiet down," Professor Lupin commanded, pulling out his wand. "Lumos!" A vivid light bled through the tip of his wand and most of the classroom was at once illuminated. The talking died down at once.
"Thank you, class. Now, Miss Granger, what were you saying?"
Hermione opened her mouth but no words spilled out for there was a sudden noise that interrupted her thoughts.
BANG!
With one swift movement, the door to the classroom swung roughly on its hinges. An army of diminutive cloaked figures stormed through the room, all wearing brightly colored masks. A few students scratched their heads in confusion, wondering if this were a joke. Others just gawked at the oddly short walking shapes.
"Everybody stop what you're doing… AND PREPARE TO DIE," the midget in the front, presumably the leader, yelled. His gloved hands rose above his head, revealing his true identity. What everyone saw wasn't exactly normal. The being was not a human, no, it was a small blue creature. It had ruby-red pants on with a red hat to match. A white beard protruded from his wee blue chin.
"PAPA SMURF?!" Hermione cackled. In a moment she was clutching her side from laughing so hard. Tears streamed down her pale face as she gasped for breath.
The soldiers behind Papa Smurf all began to expose themselves as well. Starting with their masks, they tore them off and then pulled their hoods back. They looked almost identical to Papa Smurf, though their pants and hats were white rather than red, and they hadn't any beards.
"Oh, Merlin, this is too funny!" Hermione cried. "I've o-only seen Smurfs on t-th-the television and now they w-wan-want to kill us all." She breathed out.
Many of her classmates just gazed at the brightest witch in their class, wondering why she found an attack so hysterical.
"THAT'S ENOUGH!" one of the Smurfs yelled. The students turned to see who it was. The Smurf had big, round, thin-rimmed glasses.
"Brainy Smurf?" Hermione yelped with laughter.
"Hey look, it's Potter Snurft," cracked Seamus.
"It's Smurf you idiot, not Snurft," Dean corrected, laughing at his best mate.
Brainy didn't look too amused at all.
"Stop waiting around you imbecile," a voice shrieked. People's eyes darted over to the source of the sound. There stood another Smurf, this one a girl, holding out her hand threateningly.
"Ooh, whatcha gonna do? Hit me with your wee little hand, you silly little thing?" Pansy Parkinson roared with laughter. Most of the students were getting a kick out of this; however, Neville was not. He stood in the corner, arms wrapped tightly around his thick structure, shaking as the scene before him carried on.
"The name's Smurfette, thanks," Smurfette alleged. "And I'm not a thing, bitch." She stuck her hand out once more and shouted, "Avada Kedavra!" A stream of green light jetted from the palm of her hand and a second later, Pansy was a crumpled lump on the floor.
This set everyone off. Students ran here and there trying to dodge the green beams that were now being fired everywhere.
Brainy hit Dean with the curse, and he too fell limply to the floor, his eyes wide with fear. Seamus, not caring what happened to him, ran over to his mate. He shook him roughly, though he knew he couldn't do anything.
"Avada Kedavra," Papa Smurf screeched and Seamus as well became a large protuberance on the ground, right next to Dean.
Everyone else began scampering around faster than ever, screaming for their lives, some daring to reach for the door. Those who were courageous enough, however, just became wilted corpses on the floor.
Green rays flashed throughout the class space and soft thuds! could be heard from the dead carcasses smacking onto floor. Professor Lupin and the students tried to fight back, but with no avail; the Smurfs seemed to be indestructible.
'Oh, Merlin, why hadn't I thought of this before?' Hermione asked herself as she just barely missed being struck with the killing curse.
She had to contemplate for a moment on what she needed to do. As it finally flooded her brain, Hermione pulled from the sleeve of her robe her slender wand and then pointed it at Brainy.
"Disappearo Hato," she bellowed. Nothing happened.
'What in the name of Merlin did I do wrong?' She questioned herself silently. Ducking under a desk, she thought a moment longer.
"Aha," she cried with delight and stood up, her Gryffindor bravery showing.
'Point it directly in the middle of the leader's hat,' she told herself.
Gazing around the room, she at once spotted the menacing Papa Smurf. Aiming her wand just right, she roared, "Disappearo Hato."
Blue exploded from the tip of Hermione's wand and in less than a second, tens of little Smurf hats had disappeared from atop their heads.
All the creatures stopped dead in their tracks, as well as all of the students. It took a split second to sink in, and once the Smurfs realized that all of their hats hat vanished, chaos rose more than before.
"AHHHHHHH, our hats our gone… NOOOOOOO, this can't be happening to us," the midgets cried aloud in unison.
"Let's head out men," Papa Smurf directed as though he were some sort of secret agent.
"Hey, Old Guy, does it look like I am a man?" Smurfette bitched angrily.
"Cough – yes – cough cough," Jokey Smurf chortled stridently. The other Smurf soldiers joined in with the snickering fits until Smurfette spoke.
"Okay, you wanna start somethin' bitch?" she subjected, even more livid than before.
"Okay, okay, okay, THAT – IS – ENOUGH!… Now, let's head out men AND women," Papa Smurf commanded with his 'secret agent voice' this time with a hint of sarcasm as well.
POP!
POP!
POP!
POP!
POP!
POP!
And with a few more pops!, the rest of the Smurf clan has disapparated. Deceased cadavers were scattered all over the classroom, their skin as cold as ice, and their lifeless eyes appearing as though they were staring off into the distance.
Those still alive stood as still as concrete gargoyles, staring around the room at the lives that were taken by the Smurf Death Eaters. Tears streamed down Hermione's face when she saw her fellow schoolmates lying about on the ground before her.
The unfortunate ones that died in the tragic attack upon Professor Lupin's class were as follows: Dean Thomas and Seamus Finnigan – best mates; Pansy Parkinson, Parvati Patil, Lavender Brown, Millicent Bulstrode, Gregory Goyle, and many more, whose names are still unidentified.
May they all rest in peace
Author's Note: Okay, well, there you have it, the rewrite of Attack of the Evil Smurfs… That was the dream I had, though I did add some more dialogue, just to make it a bit more interesting. I hope ya'll liked it better than the original; I certainly do.
So… Tell me – did you like it? Love it? Hate it? Um, want to marry it? Totally just kidding, haha… Anywho, let me know what you think, I love getting reviews. Yes, even Flames, I like to improve and how can I improve without a bit of constructive criticism? Well, thank you to all that review, I do greatly appreciate it!
Oh yes, and I know that you can't apparate within Hogwarts, but hey, it was a dream, so you can't expect all of the rules to stay, eh?
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the brilliant characters of J. K. Rowling and I do not own any of the Smurfs… So, please don't sue me! The only thing I own is the really weird spell that was in my dream!