A/N: Ok, this is my first LWD fan fiction, so if you can't be nice...aw what the hell just review! I Would also like to say that the idea of Dasey with Casey falling in the lake is NOT MINE!!!!!! That idea is totally and rightfully owned/thought up originally by ilovejonas22 in their story Hanging By A Moment. I just sort of wanted to do a Flashback and see what would happen, from what I thought should happen. That probably didn't make much sense, but hopefully, you get what I'm saying.

I didn't know how else to post this, so it's gonna be a giant one-shot.

Disclaimer: I d-d-don't own L-Life With D-Derek!! Wah!!!! *cry, sob* I also don't own ilovejonas22's story ideas (though i wish i did) or Camp Greenlake, because Camp Greenlake is from Holes. Are these people trying to make me sad?!

Choices That Change Us

By: SuperxXxGirl79

PROLOGUE

I'll put this bluntly- I'm messed up. I'm messed up for a number of reasons: being on drugs, dealing drugs, and, oh yeah, running like hell away from some police officers. You are probably wondering how I got here, and why the hell I'm on drugs. I guess I'll just start from the beginning...this is my story.

Oh and I may still be a bit high, but I do have a name. It's Derek. Derek Venturi.

CHAPTER 1

If someone were to ask me what I did this summer I would have a hell of a story. It's a true story, but of course, they wouldn't believe me. The only people I have told the truth to have been Sam and Ralph. They didn't believe me either when i say I almost died this summer. But then again, they heard that from my dad while i was in the hospital. They came to me later for details. Ok, so here goes:

My dad sent me to summer camp this year. I thought it was going to suck, until i met this amazing girl! Wow she was hot! Long brown hair, and bright blue eyes. The first time i saw her, i almost fell off my seat in the cafeteria. Shock of the century...

Anyways, I asked her out, and we dated for pretty much the whole summer. I really like this girl. I think i might even l...lo....love her. Her name is Casey. Casey McDonald.

But then, there was the day that ruined my life.

I was hanging out with some guys in my cabin, and Casey was hanging out with some of her friends. I heard a scream, and then i saw Casey fall off the dock and into the water. She hit her head as she fell in. I didn't even stop to think what the hell i was doing, i just jumped into the water.

And let me say, that water was fucking cold!

Back to the story: I jumped into the water, and i swam around trying to find Casey. I had only taken one breath and had to search for her for about a minute. That doesn't sound like that much, but that is a LONG time to hold your breath, especially when you're panicking about where the fuck your unconscious girlfriend is!

I eventually found her, pretty deep down. I had to manoeuvre my way through some seaweed to get her, but i did. Then, just my luck, when i got near the surface, my foot got stuck. I pushed her up and someone took her. I was just gonna bend down to unhook my foot. But i had sunk farther than i apparently thought. Not only was my other foot stuck as well, but my wet clothes were weighing me down, and i didn't know which way was up. I also gasped in a bunch of water when i realized this. I was almost unconscious when someone grabbed me and hauled me out. I blacked out before i was out of the water.

When i woke up later in the hospital, they told me that she had been air-lifted to a hospital closer to her home town, which wasn't very close to mine. They wouldn't even tell me that she was okay, and since i couldn't move without bringing myself a hell of a lot of pain, i couldn't go find someone who would tell me. Finally, after about five tries of getting up out of bed, my dad went and asked someone. That was when they told me that she had lost her memory of us, of the summer...and that she was already gone.

This was the summer that I started doing drugs. I met a dealer, and he soon became a very close friend. We've been in a few gang fights, and i've come home with unexplained bruises and cuts. They aren't usually that bad. The barfing is pretty much an after-affect i have when i use heroin. It almost never ends, but hey...there's a price for getting high, and it doesn't just come out of your pocket, it comes out of your stomach too.

For a while after I got out of the hospital, and even now, i can't hold down that much food sometimes. But my dad, and the doctors don't know why. No one knows why. It's not like i'm going to TELL them i'm on drugs ! I mean, come on, what are you, retarded? They just know that I'm losing weight and am a little pale at times. It's something I like to keep to myself. One time Edwin walked in on me throwing up in the bathroom and told dad. I had to pretend that I had a stomach bug for a couple days. I've started locking the bathroom door and trying to keep it down (no pun intended).

The only person I can't fool with that is Sam. He walked in on me puking in the guys washroom after lunch once. I had skipped lunch at school to go out back and have a smoke. I didn't know what to tell him, because "i have the flu 99% of the time" sounds just as bad as "oh well i was just doing drugs out back instead of having lunch".

He said i should go to a doctor, but hell will freeze over before i do that. They'll find out and then the doctor will tell my dad and then my dad will send me to rehab. Then again, he might not even give a shit. But they could also find out i've been dealing. That could be difficult to explain.

Anyways, that- the accident, not seeing Casey, starting drugs- all happened in August. In October, my dad started dating some woman named Nora. I didn't think much of it. I thought the last name was a coincident, just like i thought the fact that she had a daughter my age named Casey, and another daughter Edwin's age was a coincident.

I didn't think much of it when Dad asked Nora to marry him. It didn't bother me that I had never met the woman or her kids. I always managed to make plans when dad invited them over, or they went over there. But, of course i couldn't get out of the wedding. I was forced to wear a tux (but i still wore my runners. Dress shoes are going too far) which was bad enough, but who did i see when i looked at the brides maids?

Casey.

My Casey.

The Casey who I saved from drowning. The Casey that i love and that doesn't remember that we dated and i told her i loved her. My first instinct (which i followed) was to run. People called after me, but i kept of running. I went and had a cigarette (nothing funny, just straight cigarette. The last thing i needed was to have my angry father find out i was high). I came back about 20 minutes before the ceremony started. My dad yelled at me for a couple minutes, before just telling me to stay there. He kind of gave up on getting mad and grounding me a long time ago, because it never works. I just sneak out to some party, or stay at Pete's if i'm pissed off enough.

The McDonald's have since moved in with us, and I have learned to be out of the house as much as humanly possible. Either that or I'm locked in my room with my stereo (high tech, courtesy of drug money) blasting at top volume. They have gotten used to me and dad fighting and yelling at each other. They were shocked the first couple of times, but now i guess they're used to it. Like so many other things.

So that is why today, I'm in a back alley. I'm meeting my friend Pete. Pete is a drug dealer. I am too. We're known, but we still make them meet us in a back alley, far away from any roads, and extremely dark. That way they can't see our faces. If anyone ever saw me, it would get around that "Derek Venturi deals drugs". Then i would be kicked off the hockey team, making my team losers. Plus my dad would find out.

Everything – my rep, hockey, school – would be shot. Capoot. Done. No more.

"Yo, D!" Speak of the devil...

"Sup, Pete?" I answer my friend's call, as we bump fists. I take down the hood on my baggy sweatshirt, revealing a flat-billed had. Pete is dressed pretty much the same as me. Baggy jeans, baggy hoodies, hat that covers your face. It's like an unspoken dress code for people like us.

"You going to the party tonight? We can make some pretty sweet deals there."

"Hell yes! So we gonna head out now, or smoke something first? Come on man, did u bring the shit?" I answer. I REALLY want to smoke some pot, meth anything right now! Even just straight up cigarettes. To answer the question that i know is burning in your mind right now, I don't know if i feel good or bad about doing drugs. I don't put much thought into it. I'm addicted, and when you're addicted to something, you don't think about it.

"Alright, alright, chill, i got it!" Pete answers and throws me a pack of cigs and some pot. I light up a cigarette, and so does he. "Listen, you got your ID? Cuz if they ID us, and we got nothing, we're gonna look like total ASSES in front of everyone. And you know how much L.J. would like that." Oh yeah, we have fake ID's that say we're 18. Even though we're both only 15. Really, i forgot to mention that before? Oops...

"Yeah, i got it," i reply. "Listen, we better not take a heavy dose till we get to the party. I bet L.J. would like it if we didn't even show up, huh? And besides, if the plan is gonna go down right, we gotta beat him there " I laugh shortly. And before you ask, L.J. is our #1 enemy. He's not even dealer, but it's pretty much him and his nameless sidekick, against me and Pete. We always win the gang fights. They normally just end up as fist-fights, but Pete and I both carry guns, just in case. They're loaded, and we try not to use them, because it draws unwanted attention to the fight. But then again, you do lots of things when you're high.

Pete and I head out, taking the dark streets and alleys, walking down them like we own them. Which is pretty much true. We own the drug addicted, underground world. We make some pretty sweet cash by dealing drugs. People will pay ANYTHING to get some crack before they crack.

When we get to the building that the party is in, everyone says hi to us when we walk in the door. It's like i said, we own this world. Both of us are immediately busy dealing out our "selection". As I do the fourth deal or so, i light up a joint. The music is blaring and everyone is jumping. I hand over some meth to one of my customers I look over and see someone lying on the floor who just over dosed. We all just ignore it. We usually do. It sounds kind of bad, but once you've seen it so many times, you get used to it.

"Yo, D Dawg, how we 'doin so far?" Pete asks as he comes over to me. He has a stack of cash in his hands too. We're both getting pretty high from the pot and crack we've been smoking while we're dealing. We have a strategy that if we smoke some while we're dealing, even people who have tried (and obviously failed) to quit will come and buy some.

And it works.

Just then my cell phone rings. I look at the caller ID. Sam. I ignore it. Fuck... I hate it when he calls me at times like this. Him and Ralph don't know that I do drugs. They just know that I don't hang around with them outside of school that much anymore. The reason is simple: When I'm at school, I'm "Derek Venturi" player, captain of the hockey team, popular, and leather-jacket wearing. When I'm dealing drugs, I'm "D", "D-Dawg", "Triple D" . I'm the second half of a pair of people who are the rulers of the underground. When i'm like this, I'm mysterious, hooded, high, stoned, and secretive.

I really don't know what I am at home. I don't hang around there much. It's not a terrible place to be...it's just not the best. I keep my hood up when i'm there. My dad, Edwin and Marti have learned that i keep it up, even if they tell me not to.

Casey doesn't get that. I ignore her practically all the time, and yet, when she first moved in, i told my dad i was spending the night at Pete's. I did...we did some drugs, got high, hit up a few parties on the block, the usual.

The next day I came in just in time for dinner. I had my hood up with my hat on, just like always. Except that day i leaned down further so my family couldn't see my face, not even a little bit. Truth be told, Pete and I had gotten into a fight with L.J. and his sidekick. I beat the shit out of L.J. before Pete could pull me off of him. L.J. got some decent punches in as well, so i had dark circles under my eyes from the drugs, a cut under my eye, and a split lip. L.J. looked a hell of a lot worse. Anyways, i came in and sat down. The family had already started eating, so I just slouched and joined them...

***FLASHBACK***

I walked through the door, letting it shut behind me. I didn't greet anyone when I came through the door, even though this was the first time I had seen the McDonalds' since the wedding. My hood was pulled down over my face, and that, along with my hat covered the damage from partying with Pete and the fight with L.J. very well.

Everyone was already eating. I just slouched into my chair to join them. Everyone was quiet, until my dad spoke up, that is.

"Where have you been?" He said harshly, setting down his fork and knife. I didn't reply, just took another bite of food, without even acknowledging that he had spoken. I do that all the time, and i'm good at it. "I asked you a question Derek." Ok, he's pissed off. Why do i give a damn?

"With a friend," was all i said.

My dad didn't say anything because I always say that when I've been with Pete. Dinner went on like this. I didn't look up at all. I couldn't. I couldn't just look up and see Casey there, when she doesn't remember me...doesn't remember us....

"Derek, take off your hood at the table" again, i ignored what my dad said, didn't even look up. He's asked me that plenty of times before. I don't ever listen.

"Ugh!" i heard Casey say beside me. Then, she had the nerve to put my hood down. AND take my hat off. She gasped when she saw my face. I glared at her. "S-s-sorry, i h-had no idea...." she trailed off under the force of my glare. I'm guessing my eyes are still pretty darkened.

I looked up because I could feel everybody staring at me. Nora, Lizzie, my Dad, even Edwin and Marti were staring at me in shock.

"What?!" I practically yelled it at them. My dad had a serious expression on. This should be good...

"Derek, why do you have scratches on your face?" He said it tiredly, because, duh he's asked me questions like this lots. He never gets much of an answer. Or he gets the same answer. Tonight i chose to stay silent and stare him down. "Derek answer me." I looked around.

Everyone was still staring at me in shock. Seriously, don't these people get it?! I don't want people staring at me like i'm a fucking animal at the zoo.

I glared at Casey. She looked frightened. Good, serves the little bitch right. If i can't be happy neither should she. She deserves it because she forgot me...

I got up from the table and stomp my way up the stairs to my room. I kept my hands in my pockets so none of the drugs or my gun fall out. I never bring anything more than that when i stay with Pete.

I forgot to mention that i not only do drugs, i drink too. Beer. Sometimes a little Vodka or Tequila, but mostly just beer.

When i got to my room, i went under my bed and pulled out a cooler that i hid there. I pulled out a beer from it and climbed out my window. That sounds strange, but it's not.

There's a flat expanse of roof that starts just to the right of my window. It's at the very top of the house, and it faces the back, so no one can see me. I go up there to drink and do drugs when i'm at home. But I have to watch how much I drink and stuff at home, because if i'm drunk, i could blurt out to my dad that i deal drugs. Or Edwin. And if i'm high...i could hurt them.

I really don't want to hurt them. I stopped talking to my dad a long time ago. I mean i will still say the occasional thing to him, but i pretty much leave it at that. It's similar with Edwin, but that's more because he's afraid of me. And Marti... *sigh*.... I don't talk to her much in front of the family, but when she's having nightmares, i go and comfort her, or when she can't get to sleep, i stay with her until she can. I mean, none of them really get along with me that well...but they're still family. My mom is still family, too, even though she hates me.

***FLASHBACK***

I'm brought out of my little memory-fest by my cell phone ringing again. I sigh and wave Pete over.

"Listen," i say, frustrated. " I gotta call one of my friends back. He's been calling me and if i don't answer it, my cover could go down the tube. Cover for me. I'll be back in ten minutes tops."

" 'Kay, just don't stay outside too long. You gotta be IN the door by the time L.J. decides to try and 'make an entrance'" he says the last part with mockery.

"Yeah, we gotta go confront him, and be like "I sure hope yo mama ain't as ugly as you, cuz if she was she's either a dude, or dead!'" I laugh it up with Pete and then head out into the back alley. My phone rings and its Sam. AGAIN! Jeez Sam, don't you ever give up.

"Hey Sammy," i say as i open the phone.

"Hey Derek," Sam says. "Why didn't you answer your phone? Never mind. I called your house and they said you've been gone since Friday when you left for school. I know you ditched Friday, but where have you been?"

Fuck... "Uh, Friday my dad and I had another yelling match, so I left and I'm, uh, staying with a friend downtown."

Oh, well that's fun, i think Sam just spit out whatever he was drinking. "Downtown?! Do you know what kind of people hang out downtown? That is the shittiest place you could be! The police have found dead BODIES down there! And guess what? They're all from drug overdose! There's a bunch of high people running around down there..." he stopped when he caught on that i was laughing at him. I'm laughing simply because of the irony of it all. But he thinks i'm laughing because he's being too paranoid. Ok, so i'm laughing at that too.

"Sam," i said, still smiling. "You worry too much. I'll be fine!"

"Yo D!! He's two blocks away, come on get in here!" thanks for the timing Pete. Really, I'm grateful.

"Yeah I'm coming, just chill!" i shout back.

"Who was that?" Sam asks.

" My friend. Listen I gotta go, bye." Shit, i gotta hurry up, L.J.'s almost here! I swear if i miss this...

"But what does he mean-" i hung up before he could finish. I quickly walked back into the building.

"Alright, our lookouts say he was two blocks away about two minutes ago. You ready for this?" Pete asked me seriously.

" Hell to the yes! I do NOT wanna miss a chance to show L.J. and his sidekick who's boss." I replied. I smiled evilly. This is gonna be GOOD.

"You got your gun loaded?"

"Like I said, hell to the yes. I'm ready. Let's do this." I told Pete. See, Pete taught me everything he knows, but I am a natural born schemer. So, i pretty much plan these things. And I've only been in the business for about 8 months. I'm pretty damn good for a rookie.

Just as expected, L.J. walked through the door, pushing everybody aside, because he thinks he can. There's something you have got to understand: L.J. has a reason for thinking he's powerful. He can be damn scary if he wants to be. He's African-American, about six feet tall, bald head with a bandana on it. He's got scary arms, so he wears vests, or wife beaters a lot.

Over-all, i'm about the same size he is. And i'm a hell of a lot stronger. Besides, Pete's no wimp. He's only about two inches shorter than me, but he's strong. We're both white boys, but it's not like that makes a difference.

"Hey, Loss of Joy, what brings you here?!" I shout to get his attention. Pete smirks: this is going exactly as planned. People turn to watch me and Pete confront L.J.... and they all cheer as soon as I say my line.

L.J.'s just glaring at me. "Shut up!" he says.

I cringe back in mock fear. "Oh, that's NOT what L.J. stands for?" People laugh and cheer. It feels good to be the boss. "Man, I hope yo mama ain't as ugly as you, cuz if she is, she's either a dude, or dead, man."

Then L.J. is up in my face.

"Watch it, Venturi." He says.

"Is that supposed to scare me, bitch?" People are 'ooh-ing' now. Instead of a smirk I've taken on an intimidating expression and now i'm all up in HIS face.

"Shut up, Venturi!" He takes a swing at my head. I duck and give him a gut punch. It hits right on target. He shoves me and I hit a wall. I shove him right back and he goes flying. People back up and let him hit the ground. "Son of a bitch!"

"You ask for an ass whoopin, we sure as hell don't wanna disappoint you, now do we?" Pete says mockingly. L.J. lunges at him, but i stick my foot out and he trips. He regains his balance and grabs me by the front of my shirt. I shove him off and the fight is full on. People are chanting: "FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT!!!" It's energizing.

Damn! L.J. scratches three deep cuts on my right cheek. I punch him in the nose and am happy to see it bleed. Then he does something I wouldn't have expected, even from him.

He pulls his gun on me. I stop a second.

"You better re-think your strategies!" he says. He's pointing his gun at my chest. Right where my heart is. Fuck! I just pull my own gun and do the same. He looks shocked for a moment. That's all I need. I flick my eyes over to Pete, who punches L.J. in the back of the head. He goes down. Knocked out cold. People are cheering and chanting. I put my gun away and give L.J. one last kick in the face.

Pete and I stand side by side and pump up the crowd. I put both arms above my head like i do when i score a goal in hockey. Maybe some things have more in common with each other than you'd think...

"Yea!!!" I hear Pete screaming. I walk over and we bump fists. Just like that, the party is in full swing. Me and Pete head out the back, to walk down the street from the back alley, so we can get out before L.J. wakes up.

"Just as planned, right man?" I say.

"Yeah, D-Dawg! Do you know how long I have wanted to punch that lousy bitch? Since the last fight! And I didn't even get to hit him that time!" We both laugh and head back down the street.

I go around the back of my house, sneaking under the living room window like always. I go up to the wall just under my window. I climb up the boarding and heave myself through my open window.

Wait what?! I didn't leave my window open...Shit...

Just as i make it in my window, i find my dad and Nora waiting for me. Busted. I've gotten away with them up until now. My dad gave up on punishing me, but it still sucks when you get caught.

"Derek," my dad stands there with his arms crossed and he is staring at me. Nora looks similar to that.

"Derek, would you like to explain to us where you have been?" Nora says calmly, but i can hear the anger in her voice.

"Why?" i answer. "You're not my mom." I say things like this because it's true. Why the fuck should i have to explain to HER a STRANGER where i've been?!

"DEREK MICHAEL VENTURI!! YOU WILL NOT SPEAK TO HER THAT WAY!!" Dad yells this in my face, but my eyelids stay half closed and i don't acknowledge that he yelled. I can see him getting pissed off. Oh look, he's gonna yell again. "DEREK I HAVE HAD IT WITH YOU! YOU COME HOME LATE, YOU DITCH SCHOOL, YOU'RE FAILING ALMOST EVERY CLASS.... I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH YOU ANYMORE! I OUGHT TO SEND YOU TO MILITARY SCHOOL!" Ok, now he's starting to piss me off! I may still be half-high, but i will not be talked to like i'm four!

"YOU WANNA KNOW THE TRUTH?!" i yell. i. Am. Pissed.

"YES! FOR ONCE DEREK I WANT TO KNOW THE TRUTH!" my dad yells.

" YEAH, WELL HERE IT IS: MOM HATES ME AND ALWAYS DID! NORA'S NOT MY MOM! I DON'T CARE IF SHE'S TRYING, IT'S NOT THE SAME THING! I GREW UP WITHOUT A MOM AND I'VE BEEN GOING THROUGH HELL SINCE AUGUST AND YOU DON'T GIVE A DAMN!" I take a step closer to my dad, poking him hard in the chest. Nora is backed up against the wall in shock. This is the first time i notice that the door is open. The whole family can probably hear us, but at this point i really don't care.

"What?" Dad looks taken aback. "What happened in August?"

"WHAT HAPPENED IN AUGUST?!" i'm even past furious now. Like he doesn't know what happened in August. "WHAT HAPPENED IN AUGUST?! OH YEAH I FORGOT, YOU WERE TOO BUSY WITH YOUR OWN FUCKIN' LIFE TO REMEMBER THAT I ALMOST DIED SAVING A GIRL WHO I FELL IN LOVE WITH!!! BUT THEN AGAIN YOU WERE THE ONE WHO SENT ME AWAY TO SUMMER CAMP SO YOU WOULDN'T GET IT, WOULD YOU?! YOU WOULDN'T GET THAT I'M GOING THROUGH HELL BECAUSE I SAVED MY GIRLFRIEND FROM DROWNING AND NEVER GOT TO SEE HER AGAIN! YOU WOULDN'T CARE THAT THAT KILLED ME INSIDE! SHE DOESN'T EVEN REMEMBER ME, DAD! She doesn't remember anything..." i say the last part in a deadly low voice, while still glaring at him. My dad is speechless. I've actually rendered George Venturi speechless. Then he turns angry again.

Dad storms out of my room. Nora looks at me sadly and then turns and leaves. I stand looking at the doorway for a moment or two. I feel sick still from my last dose of heroin. I give it a few moments before exiting my room.

Shit.

When i leave my room, Casey is standing there staring at me in shock. I probably have a surprised or shocked look on my face. I really don't care. It's not good that she heard and saw the fight. That's one of the worst ones I've had with my dad.

"Derek..." she chokes out. I think she's too shocked still. Seriously get over it.

My eyes turn dark at memories of THAT summer. Of us together. Of her saying my name in a much different way.

"Derek," she tries again, a little steadier. "Derek, i don't think your mom hates you..."

"Oh and you would know, right?" i spat. I told her about my mom during that summer. "Perfect little Casey McDonald! You wouldn't know about anything bad or unhappy EVER,even if you TRIED so you and your perfect little "loving family" life can just shut up!" She looks confused. Maybe I don't make a hell of a lot of sense when I'm high.

"What?"she says

"You heard what i said," i mumbled, turning away.

"No, I wanna know what you meant when you said my "happy little, loving family life"." She looks offended. Good.

I want to respond, i really do. But the heroin after-effects are coming too quickly. My vision is going slightly black on the corners. I clutch my head and lean heavily on the wall. DAMN this hurts!

"Derek?" Casey's concerned voice sounds like it's a mile away.

This has never happened to me. Then i remember. I had a beer and used heroin right after that.

"Fuck..." i say faintly.

"Watch your language!" Casey scolds naturally.

It takes me a minute, but soon everything is back to normal. I let out a breath and quickly walk to the bathroom. I go inside and lock the door, then brace myself for the barfing. Yep, it comes.

As soon as it's over, i quickly wash out my mouth and open the door to the bathroom. Casey is still standing there.

"Are you okay?" she asks. Oh shit, i must be really pale right now. Damn dark circles under my eyes. Damn it i probably look like hell. I don't say anything, just head straight for my room. She stands in my doorway, as if that could keep me from going in. "Wait, i wanted to ask you about what you said earlier. About how i couldn't understand something that made me unhappy if i tried. Tell me what you meant." She looks close to tears now.

"I meant," Wait, why am i actually telling her? "I meant that you have never had to go through something tough with your family. YOUR mom doesn't hate your guts. YOUR dad doesn't yell at you. YOU didn't almost die saving the girl of your dreams, only to never see her again, and WORSE have her not remember EVER DATING HER! You have never told anyone you love them only to have them slip away." She is shocked once again. I wonder how long it will last.

I quickly push past her into my room.

"You alright, man" Sam asks me the next day at school. It's Monday, which is bad enough. At least it's lunch. Ugh, i knew i'd face the questions. I haven't seen my dad since last night when we had that bad fight. Haven't seen Casey either. I left early for the bus today. "Derek?"

"Huh?" ugh, im confused. My head hurts like hell from nicotine loss.

"i said, are you okay?" Sam's looking at me like i'm an idiot or something. What do you think, Sam?

"Nah, i had another yelling match with my dad last night."

"Really? What about?" i can tell he's trying to get answers because i hung up on him so abruptly.

"Um, nothing..." i said, clearing my throat. "Ugh, listen, I'm going to go outside for a little while, i could use some fresh air." And a cigarette...

"Cool, i'll come with you," Sam says . Shit!

"NO!" Sam looks at me funny. "i mean...i should just go alone. Um, see you in math."

I turn around and walk out the school doors. I head around to the back of school parking lot, checking behind me as i go. It would suck to get detention just because i got caught smoking on school property. They'd probably confiscate my cigarettes.

Uh, better just go with straight cigarettes. I pull the pack out. Leaning against the brick wall, i light up. That's when i hear a gasp behind me. A girly gasp. I turn around. I almost dropped my smoke when i saw who it was.

"Fuck!" Apparently i said it loud enough that they realized they had been caught, because they came out.

"Derek.." Sam says. He is looking at the cigarette in my hand like it's going to explode at any second. Being me, i took a puff of it and blew it out, staring at Casey this time. Both her and Sam look shocked.

"Derek, smoking on school property is against the school rul..." She trails off when she sees that i don' t care. "Derek how'd you even get those? We're only 15!" I don't respond. Just stomp the butt into the ground.

"Why didn't you tell me you smoked?" Sam says, looking confused. "I would've helped you quit!" i look at him incredulously. ME, quit smoking? HA! That's like saying i'll quit drugs too.

"Here's a thought," i say, giving a short laugh. "Maybe i don't WANT to quit!" i say this to them like they're stupid. "Listen, unless you want one, you're gonna have to leave me alone." That came out a bit mumbly because i was already lighting up another cigarette. I take a long drag. They just stand there gaping at me like fish out of water. Casey slowly shakes her head and drags Sam away by the arm. He doesn't protest.

That day after hockey practice I came home. I figure that if i'm going to have to see my dad ever again after the yelling match we had yesterday, it shouldn't matter if he's mad or not. I come in the front door to find Edwin and Lizzie sitting on the couch. Things seem pretty normal. I drop my hockey stuff at the door and head towards the kitchen. I can feel their beady little eyes following. Jeez, can't they fuckin mind their own business. When i get to the kitchen, i find my dad, Nora and Casey all sitting at the table.

"Derek," dad says. His voice sounds strained, like he's trying to hold back anger. Frick...

"Derek I trust you know what this is about." Nora says. I don't say anything. They can't see my face, because my hood is up and my hat is on. I changed into my "regular" clothes at the rink, since I was the last one out.

"Did you know smoking causes lung cancer?" oh great, Casey is going to tell us fun facts about smoking. Joy. "It can kill you."

"So?" i say.

"SO?!" my dad booms. Whoa. Did NOT know he could yell that loud...

"YOU NEED TO STOP SMOKING! I THOUGHT ABBY AND I RAISED YOU BETTER! I-" He cuts himself off as he realizes what he said.

"Yeah," i laugh humourlessly. "You and Mom did a GREAT job of raising me!" I spout off sarcastically. "You know, it's not so much the fact that you were never home. It's just that mom would FRIGGIN HIT ME! Do YOU know what it's like to be three FRICKIN years old and go to the kitchen for a snack and have your mom HIT YOU AND BEAT YOU!? DO YOU?! BECAUSE I DO! MAYBE I HAVE TO SHOW YOU THE SCARS!"

Everyone was silent.

"And now, my own DAD doesn't remember that i almost died in August and have been through HELL since then. Do you know how THAT feels as well?" that felt good to let out. Casey has her hands clasped over her mouth in shock. Nora is just sitting there. My dad is standing across from me, looking livid.

"Mom HIT you?" Edwin asks seriously. Whoa! I didn't even know he was there.

"Yes," i answer without turning around.

"You were ordered never to talk about that," Dad answers. His voice is dangerously low. He only does that when he's really mad. I look at him, from his hands which are clenched in tight fists, to his red face. Fuck...

"Not according to the court," I say angrily.

I don't have much warning before he punches me in the face. I stumble backwards, and fall. I turn mid-fall and crack the side of my head on the side of the table. I vaguely hear screaming, and then i black out. GOD that hurt so bad...