A/N. I promise I won't make this long I'm not a fan of long author's notes. If you want to leave a comment and want me to respond please sign in when reviewing. I hope you guys like this, it came to me while listening to the song: City of Dreams by Alesso. And for the obligatory disclaimer Harry potter belongs to J.K. Rowling I'm just borrowing it for a while, and the song belongs to Dirty South, Alesso. And yes I cried while writing this too.
I Still Miss You
Harry rolled out of bed facing another day without him. Every day that goes by was harder than the next, and he whispers, I still miss you.
He turned to face the mirror, seeing himself looking ragged and thin, remembering the worried faces and pitying looks of his friends. No one had known about his relationship before the final battle's end. He still remembers holding him in him arms as he died wondering how he was going to keep going.
"Look at me," he said he just kept saying "Look at me."
He remembers feeling relief knowing he had to die to save them all he did it to save everyone, and he did it to not have to go on without him. Then having to come back to finish it all just made it harder knowing he chose to not follow him, to not join him in the end. He went through each day seeing his face everywhere he looked, and knowing he wasn't really there. His friends found out not long after about what had happened, about the relationship, when Harry's grief seemed to be killing him. They begged him to live, to not give up while watching him waste away.
He didn't know how to move on, how to let him go. He agonizes about all the things he never got to say, about the things he never got to do. His love for him consumed him so completely that he didn't know how to say goodbye, how to let himself cry. Moving on didn't seem an option and he just moved his way through life looking for the end, pretending to smile so those who cared wouldn't worry. He sometimes drank, trying to drown the sorrows thinking maybe he could forget for just one night. Hoping that there may be just one day where he didn't feel the pain, just one day when he wasn't seeing his face or hearing his voice in every person, every picture, in everything around him.
Harry struggled to breathe whispering his name. He knew Hermione was there with him holding his hand with tears streaming down her face, knowing that this time Harry wasn't coming back. Harry closed his eyes and he slipped away, his last breath slowly escaping and he smiled, finally at peace.
He opened his eyes to a field of bright lights to see Severus walking towards him. Harry sobbed out, "You're here, you're finally here, and God I've missed you." Severus smiled and held out his hand to Harry saying, "May brave, brave boy of course I'm here and it's time to come home. Come let us go." Harry took his hand smiling through his tears and followed him and knowing that no matter what happened next, no matter where they ended up as long as he was with Severus they would be just fine.