I disclaim
It is funny how much your life can change. I always thought that my life would be ordinary. Sure I had dreams of being the great opera sensation of the Western World, but that just wasn't meant to be right now. Instead dreams and priorities change. Had you asked me 4 years ago where I wanted to be sitting, graduation at Salem University would have ranked just above hell. I could not imagine myself happily sitting through this ceremony with a boring senator droning on about our fabulous potential while we fan ourselves with the thin paper programs that list the names of all the graduates. Four years ago I sat in a similar position, only I was graduating from high school then. Many of the characters were the same…Belle Black, Shawn Brady and Mimi Lockhart. Our parents are sitting in a similar manner to that day so long ago too. There are a few notable exceptions. Belle and Shawn are back together just as they should be. It is as if that incident with Jan and her baby never happened. Mimi and I are actually friends. It is hard to believe, as 4 years ago I would have rather have made friends with anyone other than Mimi "the follower" Lockhart as I called her. However, Mimi has changed too. She is a much softer and quieter person now. She and Belle have lived together for the past three years in the apartment next to mine.
You would think that would be the major change in my life. Yet it really seems to be a minor victory in the scheme of things. Others might guess that the major change in my life is the relationship with my mother Nancy and stepfather Craig. I have actually grown to appreciate them for all their quirkiness and love. That is not to say we always get along, it is just that our fights are no longer the long drawn out battles of my teen years. The foremost change in my life would have to be Hannah Isabella, my three-year-old daughter who is currently sitting on my mother's lap. I am sure that many people would be shocked at the effect she has had on my life. I suppose I should explain just what has happened to change me from the melancholy teen-ager into the single mom/college graduate.
It all started during the spring of my senior year. It is a turbulent time for any young person with all the decisions and feelings of the whole world opening up for you. This was no exception for me. I had auditioned for Julliard, my lifelong dream, and was eagerly awaiting their reply. I owed much of my audition success to my best friend, Brady Black. He had really helped me connect with my emotions and I felt closer to him than anyone. That may seem strange, as I had reunited with my boyfriend Philip Kiriakis. Looking back I can see that Philip and I just used each other. He used me as a token girlfriend…the one he took to the movies and hung out with at Dot.com. Unfortunately I did not realize it at the time, nor did I realize I was using him too. I really did not mean to, it just happened. I knew how he felt about me so the relationship was safe. I had all these preconceived ideas of love from my somewhat turbulent childhood, Philip behaved just as I expected him to. He was distrusting, possessive and immature. Yet at that time, I thought I did not deserve anything more. I am not telling you this for pity, I just want you to know the real me.
Even though Philip and I were a couple, most of memories of that time are of Brady. I never felt safer than I did in Brady's arms. He would listen to me and in his sort of arrogant way tell me his opinion of what I should do. At first it was disconcerting to have someone know me that well, but I came rely on him more than I wanted to admit. Maybe that reliance on him helped deepen my admiration for him and eventually lead to the feeling of love. I can even admit it now that I loved him. I couldn't admit it then.
Not long after my high school graduation I received a letter from Julliard. I knew exactly whom I wanted to share this with. I rushed straight to Brady's apartment and practically beat down the door. My hands were shaking with the anticipation. Brady patiently waited for me open the letter and share the news with him. I looked at the letter and did not even have to tell him my wonderful news. He could read it in my eyes.
It is funny how much your life can change. I always thought that my life would be ordinary. Sure I had dreams of being the great opera sensation of the Western World, but that just wasn't meant to be right now. Instead dreams and priorities change. Had you asked me 4 years ago where I wanted to be sitting, graduation at Salem University would have ranked just above hell. I could not imagine myself happily sitting through this ceremony with a boring senator droning on about our fabulous potential while we fan ourselves with the thin paper programs that list the names of all the graduates. Four years ago I sat in a similar position, only I was graduating from high school then. Many of the characters were the same…Belle Black, Shawn Brady and Mimi Lockhart. Our parents are sitting in a similar manner to that day so long ago too. There are a few notable exceptions. Belle and Shawn are back together just as they should be. It is as if that incident with Jan and her baby never happened. Mimi and I are actually friends. It is hard to believe, as 4 years ago I would have rather have made friends with anyone other than Mimi "the follower" Lockhart as I called her. However, Mimi has changed too. She is a much softer and quieter person now. She and Belle have lived together for the past three years in the apartment next to mine.
You would think that would be the major change in my life. Yet it really seems to be a minor victory in the scheme of things. Others might guess that the major change in my life is the relationship with my mother Nancy and stepfather Craig. I have actually grown to appreciate them for all their quirkiness and love. That is not to say we always get along, it is just that our fights are no longer the long drawn out battles of my teen years. The foremost change in my life would have to be Hannah Isabella, my three-year-old daughter who is currently sitting on my mother's lap. I am sure that many people would be shocked at the effect she has had on my life. I suppose I should explain just what has happened to change me from the melancholy teen-ager into the single mom/college graduate.
It all started during the spring of my senior year. It is a turbulent time for any young person with all the decisions and feelings of the whole world opening up for you. This was no exception for me. I had auditioned for Julliard, my lifelong dream, and was eagerly awaiting their reply. I owed much of my audition success to my best friend, Brady Black. He had really helped me connect with my emotions and I felt closer to him than anyone. That may seem strange, as I had reunited with my boyfriend Philip Kiriakis. Looking back I can see that Philip and I just used each other. He used me as a token girlfriend…the one he took to the movies and hung out with at Dot.com. Unfortunately I did not realize it at the time, nor did I realize I was using him too. I really did not mean to, it just happened. I knew how he felt about me so the relationship was safe. I had all these preconceived ideas of love from my somewhat turbulent childhood, Philip behaved just as I expected him to. He was distrusting, possessive and immature. Yet at that time, I thought I did not deserve anything more. I am not telling you this for pity, I just want you to know the real me.
Even though Philip and I were a couple, most of memories of that time are of Brady. I never felt safer than I did in Brady's arms. He would listen to me and in his sort of arrogant way tell me his opinion of what I should do. At first it was disconcerting to have someone know me that well, but I came rely on him more than I wanted to admit. Maybe that reliance on him helped deepen my admiration for him and eventually lead to the feeling of love. I can even admit it now that I loved him. I couldn't admit it then.
Not long after my high school graduation I received a letter from Julliard. I knew exactly whom I wanted to share this with. I rushed straight to Brady's apartment and practically beat down the door. My hands were shaking with the anticipation. Brady patiently waited for me open the letter and share the news with him. I looked at the letter and did not even have to tell him my wonderful news. He could read it in my eyes.