Disclaimer: I do not own Charmed. I'm just playing around for my own amusement.
A/n: This is another request story, and possibly one of my favorites so far. I always forget how much fun I have playing in the pre-series world. Anyway, this one is for Lydi Gomistan, who asked for something regarding Phoebe's decision to move to New York (as seen in "Pre-Witched"). I really hope everyone enjoys this. As always, I am happy to add requests to my list!
Setting: January to March 1998.
Only Fly Away in the Wind
a story by Ryeloza
Her entire life has been a series of moments where she almost got to fly. One day she actually does.
Prue hates their father because Prue is one extreme or the other, never able to let her emotions conflict. Hate is easier for her because she can't accept that she could love someone who chose to leave her. In a way, Phoebe can understand this black and white nature because it makes everything much simpler.
Piper idealizes their father. She lives in a world where their parents wedding album is a storybook and where she believes that someday their father will ride back into their lives on a white horse and explain everything. And she will be able to forgive him because Piper's magnanimity is as far-reaching and all-encompassing as possible. However, Piper will never be the one to stretch out her hand and make the first move; she's terribly frightened of the sting of rejection, though she can't admit it.
Phoebe just wants to know him.
Phoebe is twenty-two now. Her father left when she was four. In the eighteen years that he has been missing from her life, Phoebe has tried to find him four times.
First there was an ill-fated trip to her grandmother's house that yielded no results other than a cold shoulder and a door shut in her face.
Then there was a naively optimistic hope that if she left him notes on her mother's grave that a correspondence could emerge. After six months with no response she abandoned the attempts.
The closest she came was at Prue's graduation. She knows she saw her father, a ghostly form at the back of the auditorium, but she did not move swiftly enough to catch the apparition. Maybe it's a fruitless pursuit, chasing phantoms who don't want to be found, but Phoebe cannot help herself.
Now she has a new lead from an old source. Three weeks ago she rediscovered her mother's old address book—the same that she had used to track down her grandmother years before. While perusing the slanted penmanship (proof that Prue's is an echo), she found one sole entry in a different hand and dimly realized that she held a long-lost clue to her father's whereabouts.
So she wrote a letter to one Barry Aitkin.
Spring semester begins in the dark days of January and Phoebe can't muster up the energy to care. She started college because after a year of drifting from one meaningless job to another, Grams used a generous amount of emotional blackmail (primarily regarding her mother) to put her on a path she never meant to take. After two and a half years, the thought that her mother is looking down on her and passing judgment is no longer enough motivation.
She wants to escape.
She has no money, no prospects, and no place to go, but Phoebe knows that if she remains stagnant for one more moment she might shrivel up and die.
She wonders if that is what happened to Prue.
Grams has a heart attack.
Phoebe doesn't leave.
When Prue and Piper move back in life goes from bad to worse. Prue is as loud and demanding and bossy as she always has been, but she's also completely wrapped up in her new fiancé Roger. Roger, who Phoebe's fairly sure Prue goaded into marrying, seeing that he leaves the room every time she brings up the wedding. Roger, who winks at her whenever he thinks Prue isn't looking. Roger, who constantly tries to sweet talk Grams and never succeeds in doing so.
Phoebe loathes him, but at least he keeps Prue occupied.
Piper is another matter. She hates her job but is too much of a martyr to do anything about it, so she just complains and sighs and annoys the life out of Phoebe. Although she dislikes Roger, she won't bad-mouth him because she won't risk hurting Prue, even behind her back. Worst of all, she's home nearly every night and Phoebe's back to gagging at the saccharine relationship she has with Grams, who always looks at Piper adoringly. Piper was always too perfect and it's particularly hard to stomach now when Phoebe doesn't even feel adequate.
The second week in February, Phoebe receives a letter from Barry Aitkin. It's awkward, unsure and hesitant, and ends with a troubled, "Yes, I've heard from your father recently, but I don't feel comfortable telling you where he is." She nearly cries in frustration.
Phoebe can't remember the last time she actually went to class. She spends most of her days now at the beach, just lying in the sand and thinking.
She needs to find her father. She's never known either of her parents, but the hole where her mother resides is at least filled with the inadequate replacement of stories and pictures and Grams' reminiscences. She has nothing to fill the place of her father. And for every way she counts that she isn't like her mother—because from the way Grams looks at Piper and the nature of the tales she tells, Phoebe knows which of them is most like their mom—she knows that it must be another way that she's like her father.
Being at the beach reminds her of simpler times: before Prue became bitter and Piper became anxious and Phoebe became unsettled. She can feel down to her bones that change is coming and it will hit all of them like a bolt of lightning. There is no better reminder of the nature of change than the cold waves lapping at her feet, constantly ebbing and flowing and shifting the ground beneath her. It calms her. She knows that she's ready.
Another letter arrives from Barry at the beginning of March. Phoebe tears the envelope apart like a rabid dog and finds a short note inside. It reads: "I shouldn't be doing this, but I've felt guilty ever since I got your letter. I made a promise to your parents years ago regarding you and your sisters and I never lived up to it. I figure that this is the tiniest bit I can do to make it up to you. The last I heard from your father he was staying in Queens with his sister. That was about three months ago. Can't say whether he's still there or not. That's the best I can do, kid. Barry."
New York. Queens. Sister.
Phoebe dives into her desk drawer for her mother's tried and true address book, but comes up short when the only address for Nancy Bennett-Gannon is in San Diego.
Still, it's a start.
She misses midterms. She receives a letter about academic probation.
Grams dies.
The day before the funeral Prue is busy micromanaging every detail and Piper is so overcome with grief that all she can do is cook (despite how much food they've been sent). Because of this, Prue has no choice but to delegate to Phoebe the task of dropping off Roger's dry cleaning at his office. It's absurd to Phoebe that in midst their grandmother's death, Roger can't be bothered to get his own dry cleaning, but even she isn't bold enough to point this out to Prue now.
Of course, the passive aggressive in her puts off the task she was supposed to do in the morning until early evening.
When she finally gets to Roger's office most of the other employees are gone for the day. She comes in and Roger smiles and winks at her the same way he always does. She halfheartedly rolls her eyes and says, "Where do you want it?"
"On the chair over there is fine."
Phoebe sets down the bags and turns to leave, but at some point Roger rose from his chair and crossed the room to the door. Phoebe feels caged in, like an animal, but she doesn't let it show, instead making to push past Roger and leave. Everything after this happens in slow motion.
Roger stops her by grabbing her shoulders.
"Come on, Phoebe, what's your rush?"
She tries to protest.
Roger backs her up until she runs into his desk.
There is no where to go.
He leans in and his lips go right towards her neck.
She's paralyzed.
Prue walks in.
It is the worst moment of her life.
Prue doesn't talk to her when she gets home that evening.
She also doesn't talk the next morning as they're getting ready for Grams' funeral.
When Roger shows up and takes a seat next to Prue, Phoebe's blood runs cold.
She decides right then that it's time for her to leave.
It's a number of things that drive her out of the house, in the end. She's flunking out and doesn't care to rectify the situation. Grams is gone and with her goes any motivation to continue caring. She wants to find her father. She needs a change.
She will not stay to hear whatever cruel words are brewing inside of Prue. The fact that she didn't break up with Roger tells Phoebe exactly what she needs to know about how Prue views the situation.
So Phoebe spreads her wings and finally flies away.
A/n: As I am want to do, here is a list of other fic I've written related to things that happened or were mentioned in this story:
*Phoebe visiting Victor's mom can be found in chapter thirteen of "What's in a Name?"
*There is a Prue PoV of the Roger/Phoebe scene in "Hold My Hand" chapter one.
*In "Adieux (Farewell)" chapter seven there is a brief moment of Phoebe reflecting on her decision to go to NY at the time of Prue's death.
Thank you everyone for reading! I'd love to hear what you think!
-Katie