Summary: Murder at the Varia Mansion. Who did it? Miss White with the sword in the kitchen?Or Ms Scarlet with the box weapon in the lounge?It couldn't of been Mr Green... he was making out with Professor Plum in the hall. Varia cosplay??? idk...
I hope you guys get it... I'm pretty sure everyone's played Clue before :P Some Bel x Fran and Squalo x Xanxus... Varia in general
Rated T for implications and more ;D
Murder at the Varia Mansion
Some one had done it... the question was who?
The head Varia members gathered in the Study, at the scene of the crime. A lower ranking member of the Varia had been stabbed to death. Now we all know the Varia isn't the most decent of all groups... but they aren't the kind of people to kill their own members- okay they are... but they would never- no they would... whatever. It happened, so now they gather to solve the mystery.
"Vroi... why are we here again?" Squalo growled pulling down the front of his skirt.
"Squa~ we're here to solve the mystery!" Lussuria in red, hummed flirtatiously, Squalo flinched.
"What 'mystery'!? Xanxus kills newbies all the time!"
"The boss wasn't even in the building..." Fran, dressed rather nicely, bluntly pointed out as he came in and sat down on the couch.
"Ushishishi, like that matters." Bel also dressed loosely formal, flopped down on the same couch, "The boss can kill people with his mind." He smirked.
"VROI!!!" Squalo had just had a wine glass to the head. "What the f**k!?"
"Trash." Xanxus snarled, sitting in his chair. "That was for trying to frame me."
"Wha-!?"
"Boys!" Lussuria waved in a feminine matter, "Settle down! We'll get to the bottom of this."
"Yeah about that... is it necessary... you know, the dresses?" Fran motioned to the men in the room that were cross-dressing. Squalo, Lussuria and Levi.
"Yes, it adds to the effect."
"Effect?" Fran questioned.
"Cluedo honey."
"What's that?"
"It's a game." Bel explained.
"With cross-dressing?"
"'Course not stupid frog," Knife throw. "Lussuria's just doing this cuz he's a pedo."
"Not completely true hon, the boss approved of this!" Lussuria wags his finger.
"Gee I wonder why..." Bel said sarcastically, his head cocking towards Squalo's direction.
"Wha?" Squalo thinking he's being insulted.
"Can we get on with this?" Levi looking uncomfortable in a blue dress.
"Yes, can we get on with this?" Squalo seconded.
"Relax Miss White," Lussuria put a hand on Squalo's shoulder.
"VROI WHAT'D YOU CALL M-"
" Sooo~!" Lussuria interrupted, "This is how it's going to go down! All you have to do is prove your innocence! K?"
"Well... if the victim was stabbed to death..." Fran raised an eyebrow, and motioned to the dead body laying across the room (no one had bothered to clean it up), "we all know who's responsible..."
All eyes shifted to Bel.
Three knives were thrown at Fran, "See?" He held up one of the knives.
"Ushishishi stupid frog-"
"Mr. Green~!" Lussuria corrected.
"Whatever, like I'd need to use my knives to kill a newbie."
"Right..." Squalo rolled his eyes.
"Miss White are you implying something?" Bel looked suspiciously at Squalo, who scowled at the name.
"I believe Bel- er...Professor Plum," All heads turned to Levi, he shrugged, "I saw him making out with Mr Green in the lounge during the time of the murder."
Heads turn back to the prince and the boy sitting on the couch. Fran's face stayed blank, but his gaze dropped to the floor.
Levi grinned, "They're not denying it." He teased, as Squalo coughed 'Gay!' in the background.
"F****n brats." Xanxus growled.
"Whatever proves me innocent..." Fran muttered as he scooted to the opposite side of the couch of where Bel sat smirking.
"Only for part Mr Green," Lussuria was playing detective, "You can only make out for so long..."
Bel looked like he had something to say about that, but changed his mind and let the man in red continue.
"So where were you the rest of the time?"
"Well..." Fran began, "This morning I woke up around the time I usually do, which technically isn't morning but yeah. Then I played video games in the lounge for 3 hours. Then I got hungry... so I went to the kitchen, it was around 6 pm. After that I... I had a conversation with Bel-sempai-"
"Professor Plum."
"Yeah... that... I had a conversation with the professor."
"I bet it was some conversation..." Squalo snickered.
"Yes, a conversation. And after that it was around 9... so I-"
"Your 'conversation' lasted THREE HOURS?!" Squalo roared, "What the hell were you guys doing!?"
"AS I WAS SAYING." Fran ignored Squalo's comment, "At 9 I went to the study and read comic books for another hour, and then I was called here."
"I see..." Lussuria had begun to write this down. "Okay... that's Mr Green's story! Who's next?!"
Levi looked like he was about to speak up, but Squalo beat him to it.
"I was away for half the day and when I got back I was forced to wear this..." He grumbled.
"Please continue Miss White," Lussuria gleamed, "We're listening."
"VROI. STOP CALLING ME THAT-"
"TRASH GET ON WITH IT."
"VROOOOI!!! F****N BASTARD, I WAS GETTING TO IT!" Squalo turned to Lussuria, "So this morning the f****n boss sent me to go get friggin pancakes! Pancakes! He doesn't even like pancakes! He's always like, 'f***n meat trash!' and..."
"Levi give me your shoe." Xanxus growled as Squalo's ranting continued in the background.
Levi took off his boot (only Levi would wear boots in a dress) and handed it to Xanxus.
WHAAP! The sound of the boot hitting the back of Squalo's head.
"VROOI!! WHAT THE HELL!?!" He turned and glared at Xanxus, "Really? His shoe?" He pointed at Levi.
"I'm out of wine glasses trash."
"Boys~! Settle down!" Lussuria hummed, "That's enough Squa-chan your alibi checks out."
"F**k I'm not a girl fag-"
"NEXT~!" Lussuria squealed.
"I'll go for the boss!" Levi volunteered standing up.
Xanxus kicked him down (yes still sitting on his chair/throne thing), but the kick was strong enough to send him flying through the floorboards into the basement. "Scum. I can do it myself."
A thud was heard downstairs.
"I'm not cleaning that up." Squalo smirked.
"Yes you are. Now get to it trash." Xanxus ordered.
"But-"
"Trash I said get to it."
"Ushishishi... Xanxus just wants to see Squalo bend over in that skirt." Bel chuckled.
"Brat I'ma blow that smirk off your face." Xanxus threatened.
Bel quieted.
"You are a cruel man." Squalo glared at Xanxus.
"I know, now get to it." Xanxus grinned ominously.
Squalo left the room and came back with a broom and a dust pan. Enlightening the group with his colorful vocabulary, he began to sweep up the broken floorboards. There was Xanxus's entertainment for the rest of the night.
"Bossu~" Lussuria cooed after a while of watching Xanxus stare at Squalo, "Hey Bossu~!"
"WHAT?" Xanxus turned back to the group but his eyes stayed on Squalo.
"Your alibi?"
"What alibi?"
...
"AW F**K WILL YOU QUIT STARING ALREADY?" Squalo shot a glare at Xanxus.
"TRASH. WHO TOLD YOU TO STOP?"
"STOP F***N STARING!"
"TRASH DON'T TELL ME WHAT TO DO."
Fran yawned, the group continued to watch the two bicker.
"Ushishishi... is it the froggy's bedtime already?"
"Sempai, I think you should just go... it doesn't look like they're going to stop anytime soon."
"Oi," Bel called to Lussuria who was still watching the fight. "Can I just go?"
"Oh yeah," Lussuria put a hand to his cheek and looked back at Xanxus, "Please do~."
"K then," Bel grinned, "So this morning the prince woke up and got breakfast. After that he was bored so he decide to play with his froggy-"
"Wait, since when am I your froggy?"
"Shut up frog I'm talking."
"Mr Green~" Lussuria corrected.
"Whatever. As the prince was saying, I wanted to play with my froggy, but he was still asleep. So I went to his room anyways and watched the uncute kohai sleep-"
"Sempai..." Fran looked at Bel, "That's just plain creepy..." Stab.
"Shut up frog. Still talking here. Anyways, eventually I got bored so I started poking him and he started talking in his sleep." Fran's eyes widened.
"I do not talk in my sleep."
"Ushishi, yes you do." Bel grinned.
"Nuh uh!"
"Yes you do. And you kept saying naughty things ushishishi."
"N-naughty things?" Fran looked nervous.
"Yeah... stupid froggy kept insulting the prince!"
"Insulting?"
"Yeah, he kept saying things like, 'stupid-fake-prince' and 'one-of-these-days-I'm-going-to-take-one-of-those-stupid-knives-and-shove-it-in-his-eye-sockets' and such."
"Oh..." Fran looked somewhat relieved, "Okay then, go ahead and continue."
"Ushishi, what did the froggy think I meant by 'naughty things'?"
"N-nothing, please continue Bel-sempai-"
"Professor Plum." Lussuria interjected.
"Yeah Professor Plum what did you do next?"
"Ushishishi, I punished the froggy of course!"
"Punished?"
"Yep, I stopped poking him and started stabbing him."
"And you slept through that?!" Lussuria look worriedly at Fran.
"I didn't feel anything..."
"Yeah the stupid frog didn't wake up so I got bored and left." Bel had started playing with one of his knives. "After that I went to my room and played guitar for a while... then I figured that Fran probably had woken up by then but nooo... the stupid frog was still asleep. So I went outside and threw knives at Levi who was doing who-knows-what by the gate, then he started yelling and I got annoyed so I went and checked on the frog, but he was STILL asleep. Then I decided to take a nap as well, after I woke up I was hungry so I went to the kitchen. When I got there the frog was sitting there barely eating breakfast... at 6 pm, I waited for him to finish anyways, then we made out-"
"Conversed." Fran said annoyed.
"Totally made out. Then I was called down to the west wing for some mission report thingy I didn't do last week... and after that I was called here."
"I see..." Lussuria looked up from his notes. "Soo Professor Plum is cleared... next..." He looks around the room. "Hmm... I wonder where Colonel Mustard and Miss White went off to."
"Yeah I wonder where?" Bel said sarcastically.
"Great" Fran sighed. "It's going to be a long night."
FWAAP! The door swung open and Levi stood at the door.
"Where's the boss?!" He asked immediately.
"He left." Fran stated.
"With Miss White." Bel added.
"Again?!" Levi looked upset.
"On the bright side you can go for Xanxus now!" Lussuria chirped.
"Nah, it's pointless now if the boss isn't here to watch."
"Then where were you during the time of the crime?"
"I was outside. This morning the boss told me to go and tell the guards outside to inform him immediately when his import of vodka got here. Then I came back and he told me to tell them again. I did and came back, then he said to keep telling them till it got here. I did that, and when I came back he told me to go jump in a river. I was in the middle of doing that when Bel started stabbing me with knives, so I started yelling at him for distracting me when I'm under strict orders from the boss, but he left halfway into it. After that I went down to the river by the park and jumped in. I came back but Lussuria didn't let me back in the mansion because I was wet. So I decided to sun-dry, but that became a problem because there was no sun, in fact it started raining so-"
"Levi, um that's enough, I think you're good," Lussuria smiled meekly.
"I know I'm supposed to feel sorry for him... but I just can't." Fran said bluntly.
"Ushishishi the prince has no sympathy."
"Soo... what now?" Fran looked at Lussuria.
"Well we all vote on who we think it was and the person with the most votes is the culprit."
"But what about the boss's vote?" Levi asked.
"And Miss White's." Fran added.
"Can I go get his vote?" Levi offered.
"Nah, it's okay hon we don't want to interrupt them." Lussuria waved, "We can just-"
"Sempai… what are you doing?"
Bel was resting his head on Fran's lap. "Shut up the prince is resting."
"Well can the prince 'rest' somewhere else?" Stab.
"Or... feel free to use my lap." Fran said reluctantly.
"Anyways.... you guys lets vote now~" Lussuria hummed. "Who do you think it was Ms Peacock?"
"Umm... I think it was Bel- Professor Plum..."
"Why?"
"Because he was harassing people this morning."
"The prince was not harassing anyone this morning that wasn't his uncute kohai." Bel defended.
"Gee thanks," Fran said sarcastically, "It's nice to know that you reserve that your harassment especially for me."
"Anything for my froggy."
"Can I take off this hat?"
Stab.
"Who do you think it was Professor Plum?" Lussuria looked at Bel.
"The prince thinks it was Miss White."
"Why?"
"Cuz he's annoying."
"Professor Plum that's not a good reason."
"And I care?"
"Moving on..." Lussuria looked at Fran, "Who do you think it was Mr Green?"
"Hmm? Oh yeah..." Fran had unconsciously started to play with Bel's hair, "I think it was Ms Peacock."
"Why?"
"Because I don't like him."
"F****n brat take that back!" Levi stood up but was quickly silenced by one of Bel's knives.
"Okie doki..." Lussuria tallied up the results, "Oh... lookie here... it's uneven, I guess no one won." He shrugged standing up and starting towards the door.
"Hey, aren't you going to trying to figure out who it was?"
"Hm?" Lussuria turned back to Fran, "Oh I already know who did it..."
"Then what was the point of all this then!?" Levi exclaimed.
"For fun~!" Lussuria squealed.
Bel, Fran and Levi sweat dropped.
"So that's it?"
"Yep, now I have to go get dinner ready so toodles~!" He waved heading towards the door.
"Wait aren't you going to tell us who did it?"
"Oh yeah, it was me!"
"What?!" Levi exclaimed again.
"Why?" Fran asked.
"Cuz it's always Ms. Scarlet silly!" He cheered as he left the room leaving Bel, Fran and Levi both surprised and annoyed.
"Well that was a complete waste of the prince's time... common Mr Green we have unfinished business to take care of!" Bel said leaving as well.
Fran stared blankly at Levi.
"What?"
"I really really really don't want to go with him," Fran winced, "But then that means I have to hang out with you so... I'm out of here." He waved following his sempai. "Hey Professor Plum wait up."
And then there was Levi. Alone. Friendless. And ugly. But no one cares. :P
END.
I think this is the longest story I've written sadly... XD poor Levi I think I picked on him a little too much :P
Please tell me what you thought! Review please ^.^
-Eko