"Hello everyone. This is a story for Pikana's "Unusual Pairing Contest." I personally think that the pairings in this story are odd couples. You will see what I'm talking about as the story moves on.
"So today, I have Jigglypuff to say the disclaimer this time. Jiggly, if you please?"
Jigglypuff steps into the camera. "'Foxpilot does not own any Super Smash Bros. licensing. If he did, he'd get paid for the junk he writes. Or at least be allowed to put in some other characters.' How's that?"
"Very good. Now, since thee are not going to be too many memes in here…DO A BARREL ROLL!!" Foxpilot kicks Jigglypuff out of the studio in such a way that she essentially "barrel rolls" out through the ceiling. A loud whumf is soon heard. "Don't worry peoples; she landed on a precisely placed air mattress. So, without further ado or threats of lawsuits…Let it…Begin!"
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Your eyes seem to pierce my soul, their very essence embracing me.
Your skin reminds me of clear, pure water, such a rare commodity where I'm from
That I've learned to treasure it unendingly.
The petals of your flowers are soft and tender, and I am soothed by your joyous hum.
For so long I've wanted to express my feelings for you.
It is only as I write this crap that I realize you can't read!
"Graah!" The paper that had been so lovingly written on was crumpled and thrown clear across the room into a corner with an overflowing wastebasket. It wedged itself between the two walls of the corner and the large tower of crumpled sheaves before the pile collapsed; the already littered floor was immediately covered in more paper than one might think the writer owned.
The Dark Lord, Ganondorf, bashed his jeweled head on the desk in his room. He continued until he thought he would lose consciousness. Then he slammed his head on the desk once more, forcing himself into the darkness.
The villain awoke to a door slamming open. Groggily, Ganon groaned and truned around, noting a floating hand that refused to stop twitching. The left-handed semi-deity spoke in a crazed tone.
"HEllo fluFFY BUNNy man. U HAZ missded ur MatCH and BRO is MAAAAAAAADDD! He DEmandz ExPLAnashun and sent me 2 colLECTz it!
Ganon was not happy at the moment. He had a major headache from his little "episode," was depressed that he couldn't seem to express his feelings towards the creature of his affections, and now a giant glove was telling him he was in trouble in a very annoying fashion. Furthermore, he had missed a chance to let out some stress; his match was against Peach, one of the lightest Smashers to inhabit the halls of the Smash Mansion.
Ganondorf sighed and grumbled, "Fine, go tell that stupid brother of yours that I'm on my way."
"YAYZZ! I GO tell BROTHer and he GIve me PIE! C u L8ter FLuffY BunNY Man!" With that, the demented appendage zipped out of Ganon's doorway. As the Dark Thief of Hyrule strode out of his room, he noticed that the door's top hinge had been ripped out of the wall. Ganondorf growled and started towards Master Hand's office.
As he walked, Ganon reflected on what his roommate had told him about his secret crush. Lots of water, plenty of care and kindness, loyalty and praise, and an honest disposition were all necessary. But most importantly, as long as the flower was open…
Ganondorf shook his head to clear his thoughts as he approached Master Hand's office. He knew he would be in a lot of trouble. The last time a Smasher was late for a match they didn't make it back into the tournament. The last four times, actually. Then again, they each had a bad habit of being late. If anything besides dark, Ganon was punctual. Maybe he'd just have to clean the toilets. Namely Wolf's toilet. Wario's toilet was gross, but whenever someone had to clean Wolf's "throne," videos and pictures appeared on the internet. It didn't help that Master Hand required the victim to wear a tight cleaning suit frilly apron on the front.
Ganon shook his head again and knocked on the door. A powerful voice boomed from the inside. "Come in."
The king of evil opened the door and steeled himself to explain to the Hand of Creation why he missed his match. As soon as he entered the room, Ganon could feel that he was doomed to face a trial that Link would have shuddered at.
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Ganondorf grumbled as he worked. Thanks to his long, spotless attendance record, Master Hand had been lenient. But the task was still something that the wizard would not live down for a long time. He was forced to wash all of the plates, cups, pots, and pans in the kitchen until each reflected his miserable visage. The great Ganondorf, lord of the Gerudos was reduced to the status of a household appliance. What was worse, Master Hand had assigned him to make sure the job was done right.
"Are you done yet? I don't plan on spending my afternoon watching you clean up my mess." At least there weren't any cameras in those vicious paws. Wolf O'Donnell, the leader of the Star Wolf team was notorious for enjoying the embarrassment of his fellow Smashers. Ganondorf knew that if Master Hand had not strictly forbidden it, the large grey animal would be snapping pictures or recording the event to be shown to everyone else. And Ganon knew they would laugh. They had laughed at Bowser when he had done the same thing a month-and-a-half ago.
Ganon looked at the stack of plates to his left. They had been recently added by Wolf just as Ganon had finished the last of the plates left to him by Master Hand. One thing about being a big, wildly moving wolf was that fighting with such feral ferocity tended to work up an appetite. Furthermore, wolf had used one plate for each of his courses just to prolong the Dark Lord's torture.
Ganon only responded with a growl as he picked up the next plate. This one had held some sort of meat slathered with giblet gravy. Ganon's eyes widened slightly as he looked at the shape that the gravy had formed. It looked just like…
Ganondorf shook off the coincidence as he rinsed the plate in the sink before setting to the porcelain with the soapy scrubber.
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The Smashers were gathered around the large bulletin board in the den. The week's fights had been posted and each warrior was eager to find out who their opponents were. Some wanted to defend their titles while others wished to avenge previous defeats. Most Smashers was vying for a place in the crowd where the list was visible. Ganondorf, however, was standing in the back along with some of the other taller Smashers, reading the list above the heads of the chaotic mass.
"Alright, my Peach match was rescheduled to tomorrow, Tuesday has me against Fox, Wednesday puts me in a four-sided battle against Ike, Kirby, and Luigi; Thursday…" Ganon blinked. Thursday had him against his roommate. Instantly, the words of the creature came back to the Dark Lord: "an open flower means that it's female." Ganon stared down at his roommate, who had managed to work his way to the front of the crowd. The shorter Smasher seemed to be quivering with fear, possibly because he had noticed his Thursday match.
It was then that Ganon knew he would have to act on his desires as he had done so often in Hyrule. He would capture his love and cultivate its spirit until that creature was his and his alone. All that was left to do was plan how to best capture the creature…
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"3…2…1…GO!" The announcer had officially started Ganondorf's match. The past few days had been long and difficult. He had nearly lost to Peach, only saved at the last minute by a smart bomb that had been considered a dud earlier in the match. That was a lucky break. The match with Fox had been horrible, as was expected. The four-person bout had gone only so-so, as Ganon had come in second behind Luigi.
Now, here on the newer Yoshi's Island stage, Ganondorf faced his roommate, who was quivering at the sight of the tall Gerudo. Ganon put on his best evil sneer to intimidate the short fighter. Ganon would have to be very careful in this match in order to get what he wanted. He looked down at the being and rolled his name around in his mouth before spitting it out with a venomous threat.
"Olimar…today, I will show you my best side. And you will not enjoy it at all." The short captain squeaked in terror as Ganon lunged at the spaceman. Secretly, Ganon was glad that his opponent's Pikmin repertoire did not include a specimen that he longed for. He wanted to wait until the end of the two-stock match so that he could keep his dearest one out of harm.
Ganon rammed Olimar with his shoulder before his opponent could pull anymore Pikmin. Once Olimar landed, he responded by throwing a red Pikmin at the Dark Lord. Ganondorf dodged and responded with a powerful front kick. The audience yelled "SPARTAAAAA" at this action. Both Ganon and Olimar grimaced. That joke was getting rather old.
Olimar jumped into the air and threw a yellow Pikmin at Ganondorf. This time, the creature hit, causing Ganon to take damage constantly. As Hyrule's bane struggled to get the little devil off, Olimar jumped again and inverted, drilling into Ganondorf and knocking the wizard away. At this point, the Pikmin had expired and left the battlefield. Recovering, Ganondorf shoulder-barged Olimar again, running through one of his remaining Pikmin in the process.
Olimar, down to one Pikmin, realized he was in trouble. He ran towards the other side of the stage to pull moe of his friends out of the ground. Ganondorf didn't let him. Dashing forward, Ganon barely managed to grab the short creature-tamer in a Flame Choke. When Olimar rolled away from Ganondorf, the Gerudo King rushed forward with a Wizard's Foot and caught the weakening spaceman off guard.
With only one red Pikmin at his side and Ganondorf's constant pressure, Olimar was in danger. Olimar did the only thing he could think to do; he threw the red Pikmin into Ganondorf as a Smash Attack. Ganon was knocked back slightly, but due to his immense weight the distance he went was minimal.
Ganon began to grow angry. His plan to take his beloved was taking too long. He was quickly losing patience with Olimar, who had just pulled up five Pikmin that he had no love for. It was time to force a change.
Dashing forward recklessly and catching Olimar off guard, Ganondorf grabbed the short merchant-captain and threw him off the edge. As Olimar jumped to recover his footing, Ganondorf lunged forward with a Flame Choke and grabbed him in the air. Using his move as a double-edged killer, Ganondorf dropped like a stone, taking his opponent with him.
The two warriors respawned at the top of the stage. Ganondorf waited as Olimar dropped down and pulled up a full complement of six Pikmin. That was when the problem presented itself.
There were two of them. There were two of the little creatures who Ganon had so desired. The thought hadn't even crossed his mind that there were more than one. How blind he'd been! This ruined the plan completely.
…Or did it? As a Gerudo, Ganondorf was used to being surrounded by women. He was the only male for the past hundred years and would be the only one for the next fifty-odd years, as was the pattern of his tribe. Ganon realized that he could love more than one of the creatures which had garnered his affections. Filled with new resolution, the dark thief charged at his foe.
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Olimar was confused for a moment. Normally, the impulsive Ganondorf would be the first on the stage after a multiple-person death. Here, he was biding his time. His bewilderment turned to the ever-familiar ring of fear as his roommate suddenly charged at him. Olimar just had enough time to put up his shield to block Ganon's charge.
If Olimar was expecting a powerful blow, he was joyously mistaken. Ganondorf rushed straight past the smaller man and kept running. As Olimar performed a reflexive dodge to avoid a possible attack from the rear, he noticed that the two blue Pikmin he had just pulled from the stage had disappeared. Furthermore, Ganondorf was nowhere to be seen. Olimar's thoughts became muddled as fear, adrenaline, and shock mixed inside of his ovular head. He was about to try another dodge when he heard the distinctive crashing sound of someone falling out of bounds. This was followed by the announcer's shout, "Game!"
As Olimar warped back to the starting point of all battles, he looked around for his roommate to ask what was wrong. Perhaps Ganondorf had finally snapped and was going through some sort of mental breakdown? Or had the King of Evil simply gotten bored? Olimar's questions reverberated around the room in the form of other Smashers' voices. But the mysterious Gerudo had made an equally perplexing escape.
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"There, there, now, I won't hurt you," Ganon cooed, trying to sooth the fear-filled blue plant creatures in his arms. His theory had miraculously worked: holding the Pikmin above his head as he jumped off stage towards the bottom boundary had allowed him to lose while keeping hold on his precious blue Pikmin.
The plant-men were clearly frightened and Ganondorf knew he had to make them comfortable around him in order to gain their trust; trust that would mean more than Hyrule ever would. Ganondorf reviewed what Olimar had told him about caring for the Pikmin. Plenty of water and sun, kindness, caring, praising their efforts, and loyalty to their feelings were all needed to gain and keep a Pikmin's trust. Ganondorf knew he had a lot of work ahead of them.
As he watched his stolen charges, Ganon noticed how the two seemed to take comfort from each other's company. It was then that he came up with a plan. Olimar kept twenty of each type of Pikmin on the grounds of the Mansion at all times. When one fell in battle, he would take a quick trip to the Pikmin Planet to find more of that specific type. But…if the Pikmin weren't dead, Olimar wasn't allowed to take more.
At that point, the Dark Lord Ganondorf vowed to take all twenty of Olimar's blue Pikmin. When he was done, he would be surrounded by his loves. And once they were all in full bloom, the awkward feeling would go away as he would then be surrounded by twenty females. Twenty beautiful, astounding females, each of which made him more joyful than he had been in the years since before he had learned that he held the Triforce of Power. He would protect them, nourish them, and care for them all with a loving heart and in return they would all be his forever.
Another thought occurred to the Dark Lord. Where would he put all of the Pikmin he had "collected?" It had to be bright, moist, safe, and above all, secret. As he thought, Ganondorf's face twisted into a grin that could easily be mistaken for evil. He knew just the place.
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"Well, that was entertaining. Action, embarrassment, a little humor, and the ever necessary romance are all present here. Bu the best part is, the story isn't over. There will be at least one more chapter. Yes, I have plans. MWAHAHAHAHAHA *hackhack-cough-cough-cough*…ow…
"Next time, the intrigue deepens as I introduce the second odd couple in the story. It will probably be to only other chapter, but I'm not sure…actually, yeah. This is to be a twoshot.
"Also, keep your eyes open for the next chapter of "Blue Sun," which will be out once I finish it. The next chapter of that will have the most action so far.
"Keep it safe but insane people. Ciao chow.