Shouldn't Have Let Him Go
Ok, so I thought about writing something about what happened in midnight when Sam and Freddie broke up a long time ago, and only now decided to do it, for the iLove You anniversary. Hope you'll like it :) And I know it was yesterday, but happy iLove You anniversary! :D
Beep beep! Beep beep!
Freddie's annoying ringtone he didn't bother to change played loudly, announcing he got a text, breaking the silence I got so used to the past… Actually, I have no idea how much time past already. I'm afraid to know, cuz when midnight comes… I quickly shake the depressing thought from my minds. I don't wanna think about it. But what if it's already past midnight? Another depressing thought comes to mind. Can it already be past midnight? Did we already spend our last 90 minutes together? I shake off those thoughts too. It just can't be. There's no way it's already past midnight, right? Wouldn't I notice?
I let go of Freddie so he can check his phone, following him with my eyes, and when he opens his phone I see, for one short moment, a sad expression in his eyes. I lean a little to see what was it and the first thing that catches my eye is the hour in the top of the screen. 12:02 AM. 12:02 AM. It's already past midnight. And only now it hits me. It's over now. No more kisses, no more going out, being together. No more just looking at him happily, knowing he's mine. No more the only thing that caused me happiness for so long. I feel like there is a huge hole in my heart. A hole only he can fill. But he won't. He can't. It's over now. It's over…
"What did the text say?" I ask, trying really hard to get my mind out of all of those thoughts.
"It's my mom. She's really worried I'm not home yet." He hesitated for a moment before he kept talking. "It's already past midnight…"
I stare at him for a moment, probably the last moment of us together, memorizing it in my mind. He's shirt and hair are a bit messy after so much time of making out in the elevator, but he still looks good. In fact, I think he never looked better, but maybe it's just because we're saying goodbye now. His eyes are shining in the small elevator light, but there's something sad in them. It only makes my heart to ache more. He's holding his PearPhone in one hand, the other one is free by his side. He's looking at me too. I wonder if he's doing the same thing…
I don't know what to do. I don't know what to say. "Oh, well…" I say eventually, knowing how unconvincing I must sound as I repeat what I said only an hour and a half ago, not knowing what else to say. None of us move yet. I keep staring at him, and he stares at me. I guess both of us are just waiting for the other to do something first.
"Well, I better get back home before my mom starts freaking out again…" He said, and waited for the elevator door to open and started walking away, giving me a last glance before stepping outside the elevator.
"Freddie…" I said, hesitating a bit. I wanted a last kiss. No, I wanted to stay together. I wanted to not break up. I didn't wanna walk away as if nothing happened anymore. We went through so much together over the years. We said we loved each other. I didn't want to let it all go just like that. "Bye…" I chickened up. I didn't know what to say. I don't what stopped me.
Freddie smiled slightly at me. "Bye" he said and turned around, walking away, and I started replying this night in my head, how we decided to break up, how he told me he loved me, how I said I loved him too, how we made out in the elevator, losing track of time, how we had those small, short moments between kisses we would just stare into each other eyes, how desperate I was in those moments to say something, but didn't know what. How midnight came so quick, how we just said goodbye. How I didn't want to let him go. But I did. And I know I shouldn't have. I shouldn't have let him go.
Review. It really means a lot, you have no idea! Please? Don't you wanna make a little girl's life happy? :'(
BTW, finally we're getting an episode after 3 months! It's about time! iShock America is going to be AWESOME! Can't wait already! :DDD