As The Lemon Turns
By: TheOneYouServe
(A/N- I must note that even with the implications of slash between Radek/Rodney, this is a non-slash fic.)
Part 1- A Mild Surprise
Dr. Elizabeth Weir sat in her office reviewing her e-mail. "Report, report, Zelenka's request for downtime," she counted off until she noticed something odd about one message. "This can't be right," she said while perusing the message.
(message text)
To: for downtime
Elizabeth, I would like to take a few days off. As for why, well even geniuses need a break every now and then. I will of course be on call in case of emergency. We can't have Atlantis fall apart without me. I'm looking forward to working on McKay's Grand Unification Theory, as well as spending some more time with Radek.
Rodney
Elizabeth was wide-eyed with shock. Rodney and Radek? Wow. Who knew? Just then, Lt. Colonel John Sheppard walked in and noticed her state of shock. "What's up?" he asked with that cocky flyboy grin. "Um," she got out stammering, "Rodney just requested a few days downtime." Sheppard asked "Rodney McKay? The same one who refused to take a break after the Wraith and their little siege wants a few days off?" "Yes, the same," Elizabeth replied. "I sense that you are holding something back," tried John in an attempt to see if there indeed was more. "Yes, he indicated that he will be spending more time with Dr. Zelenka." John was nonplussed, "ah, two buddies getting together, shooting the shit."; "What's so shocking about that?" Elizabeth just looked at John as if he had grown two heads. "The message's tone was a little more intimate than that, John." The colonel choked after that statement. "Um, intimate as in…" "Yes, John. Like that." Suddenly hard-pressed to overcome a great fit of laughter, John mumbled a goodbye and hightailed it to his quarters where he could laugh his ass off.
Part 2- And so it begins.
Ronon Dex could not for the life of him understand the point of Sheppard's little prank. "Sheppard, why are you doing this?" John's reply was easy. "All in the spirit of revenge." Ronon then remembered the incident where McKay nearly obliterated a solar system. "What did you have in mind?" "Well, I already tampered with his e-mail, so people think he's involved with Zelenka, now I just need to…" John trailed off, thoughts ablaze. Ronon's interest was intrigued. "Why not make a message that has McKay declaring his love to Zelenka?" "Ronon, you are a genius, but I will have to let Liz in on this."
Part 3- You're doing what?
"What? John this is, this is just wrong." "Yes but its fun too." Elizabeth looked to Ronon, half expecting the Satedan to be reasonable but found none there. "Ronon, you are in on this?" The big Satedan produced a smirk and said, "Yes, McKay needs to be put in his place." It was at this moment that Teyla arrived and wanted to know what was going on. Elizabeth replied and Teyla quickly found herself interested. "I believe that there is an Athosian ceremony similar to marriage that can be made to seem as our friendship ceremony." John grinned, Elizabeth glared. "Teyla," Elizabeth began, only to be cut off by John's excited "Cool! When can we start?" "We can began now." Elizabeth blew out an exasperated sigh. "Well, if I can't dissuade you, then I will help John with the paperwork." John gaped at Elizabeth seeing a mischievous glint appearing in her eyes. "OK, We'll be busy for a while" Teyla chimed in with a small knowing grin "Ronon and I will travel to the mainland to collect the necessary supplies." And so they began to carry this weird plan out.
Part 4- Here comes the bride, uh groom.
Elizabeth paid a visit to both McKay and Zelenka in order to get them to sign a marriage license under the guise of signing off on some report. Once completed she left so that Teyla could begin. Teyla entered McKay's lab and seeing both Rodney and Radek were present began "Dr. McKay, Dr. Zelenka I understand that you have improved your friendship and I would like to offer an Athosian aid to cement this sacred bond." The two scientists looked at each other and, figuring it would make the Athosians happy, agreed. Teyla spoke a few words and asked McKay and Zelenka to join hands. At this point McKay objected. "Excuse me, but why?" Teyla soothed, "Please doctor, it is important that you join hands." Barely mollified, Rodney took Radek's hand and Teyla continued. Back in Elizabeth's office John, Elizabeth and Carson (who had been clued in and agreed to get back at McKay for all the sheep-loving quack quips) watch with great amusement. Teyla completed the ceremony and gave the two doctors a giant smile, then left saying, "I hope you find fulfillment together and may the ancestors keep and watch over you." Those back in Elizabeth's office were giggling convulsively.
Part 5- I'm What?
The news of the marriage between McKay and Zelenka began to spread through Atlantis. People were stopping by in droves to congratulate the two. McKay finally had enough by the time Laura Cadman stopped by. "Why didn't you tell me Rodney? I'd have loved to come to your wedding." McKay was confused, "what wedding? I'm not married." As if on cue, Elizabeth came on the P.A. to publicly congratulate Dr. Rodney McKay and Dr. Radek Zelenka on their marriage and to wish them a long love-filled life. "Hmm, that's nice," Rodney said. "Yes, we'll be happy together," said Zelenka. Then what exactly was said hit them and Radek went pale and immediately began babbling in Czech while Rodney went red and exploded "I'M WHAT?"
Part 6- Got some 'splainin to do.
It was two extremely pissed off scientists that stormed in to Elizabeth's office. "What the hell am I doing married to HIM of all people?" "How did this happen?" Sheppard, in his poor attempt at humor, said "You've just been punk'd." Everyone just stared at him. "What? It was a funny show," he defended himself. Shaking her head, Elizabeth said, "It was just a prank." Rodney began to cool off at this. "So I'm not really married to Zelenka?" Sheppard contradicted him "yeah, you kinda are." With a smirk, he added "I'm sure we can find you a good divorce lawyer, unless of course the two of you are…" "NO WE ARE NOT!" answered the two scientists. "Fine, Fine!"
Part 7- Endgame
(Six Months Later)
It had taken a whole four months before they could annul the marriage. During this time, Rodney took to hiding in his lab from Atlantis' residents, who teased him mercilessly. Zelenka saw it as a prank, and jokingly referred to McKay as his "little woman" much to McKay's displeasure. When Caldwell returned, he too began teasing McKay. He eventually would have to learn to live with it. But life goes on as the lemon turns.