Luke Is Pregnant

A Strange, and Very Twisted Tale By Dextra Neal

Kronos was sitting on the couch playing video games in his favorite place in the whole wide world, Tartarus. He was so involved with his game that he didn't notice Luke walk up behind him. Luke and Kronos were hommies now. It's all good between them. They went through some tough times but all their differences were resolved.

"Kronos, I have to tell you something," said Luke. He sounded tired and very stressed out. "I'm pregnant."

Kronos dropped the game controller he was holding, shocked by the news. How could Luke, a boy, become pregnant? Who was the mother? Er...father? You know, scratch that. Who was the other parent? There, that sounds better.

"Ar-are you sure?" Kronos asked. Luke nodded. "Wow, man, this is some pretty big news."

"Yeah, I just can't believe it. Do you think Tartarus provides child care?" Luke responded.

"There's no way you can be pregnant. You're a guy!" Kronos pointed out.

"No, I'm pretty sure I'm pregnant. I mean, I eat all the time, I puke all the time, I'm emotional, and I'm even starting to look pregnant. See?" Luke lifted his shirt up for Kronos to see. Sure enough, Luke's stomach did look bigger.

"Aw, gross! Put that away! There are children in the room!" Kronos pointed to the hairy midgets in the corner, who were planning on world domination. Nothing out of the usual.

"Stop insulting my precious bundle of joy!" Luke started to cry and shoved a chocolate bar into his mouth.

"Okay, okay, sorry. So who's baby do you think it is?" Kronos asked.

"I think it's Thalia's baby," Luke said proudly. Kronos then ultimately face palmed.

"Thalia? Okay, no. That's just...that's just weird!" Kronos said. "You broke up with her years ago!"

"So?"

"Whatever, you should take a pregnancy test just to make sure," Kronos said.

Luke sighed. "Fine."

***

Luke stood in the bathroom with the unopened pregnancy tester in hand.

"Pee on the tester to determine pregnancy," Luke read off the box. He ripped open the box and threw the actual tester in the garbage. Luke took the box and peed on it. "Hm, it's wet. That means I'm pregnant!" Luke exclaimed.

"Luke, are you okay in there?" Kronos knocked on the door. "You've been in there for seven hours. If you got stuck in the toilet again, I'm not pulling you out this time."

Luke opened the door and poked his head out. "No, but I did get my foot stuck in it while I was trying to plunge your stinky mess," Luke said. "I peed on the tester and it says I'm pregnant."

"I think you should get an ultrasound from a doctor. Pregnancy test can always make mistakes," Kronos said. Luke nodded.

"Yeah, I think I will."

***

"There is no way for a man to be pregnant," the doctor said.

"Yes there is!" Luke insisted.

"Point on this chart of the male human body where you think your baby is." The doctor pointed to a picture on the wall that showed all the organs of a male human. Luke thought for a moment then pointed to one of the lower body parts. "This right here? That's your colon. You're going to poop your baby out?"

"Well, duh! That's how all babies are born!" Luke said. "You must be the dumbest doctor ever!"

The doctor sighed and put his face in his hands. "I am not going to give you an ultrasound."

"That's discrimination!" Luke shouted.

"No, I think you're just overweight. You're probably depressed about your girlfriend becoming a hunter and put on a few pounds," the doctor said and Luke got out of his chair. He then slapped the doctor and ran out of the room crying.

"Doctors are so mean!" Luke cried.

***

"So, did the doctor say if you were pregnant or not?" Kronos asked when Luke burst into the room.

"No. He just called me fat," Luke said sadly.

"You know, I'm starting to think that you really are just fat," Kronos admitted.

"You too? Everybody is a critic." Luke sat down on the couch next to Kronos and started to eat more chocolate. "There's nothing wrong with me being pregnant." Luke's voice was muffled because of all the chocolate he stuffed into his mouth. After he swallowed the chocolate, he picked up the coffee table and took a big bite out of it and started to chew. "It's crunchy," Luke said unhappily.

"That can't be healthy," Kronos said. "I'll tell you what, let's wait nine months for the baby. Then we can tell if you're actually pregnant or just fat because if nine months is up you'll be having the baby."

"Fine," Luke said and crossed his arms across his chest. "I need to go pick out wood from my teeth."

Nine Months Later

"I guess I really am just fat," Luke said.

"Yup," Kronos agreed.

"Well this just sucks. What am I going to do with all this baby crap?" Luke pointed to a big pile of baby things in the corner.

Kronos shrugged. "I told you not to buy it."

"But I was getting fatter! I though I would need it!"

Kronos shrugged again. "I guess you didn't."

"I'm upset. Will you push me around in that baby carriage to make me feel better?" Luke asked. Kronos shrugged yet again. "What kind of friend are you?" Luke sounded angry.

"Yeah, about that, I don't want to be your friend anymore. You're so needy," Kronos said. "Bye!"

Kronos poofed away in a magical pink cloud of smoke and left Luke all alone.

"FML," Luke said to himself. He got down on the floor and started to situps so he could get a headstart on losing all that extra fat.

A/N: The end! I know, this is a really strange story. Some of it isn't mine. :( Just a side note, my other stories will be updated later this week. Sorry to keep those readers waiting.

Thanks for reading!