8-16-10
I feel something in the pit of my stomach, and it won't go away. Dread? No, that's not it. It's something more than that, I think. Longing, maybe . . . but for what? So what is it, then? I'd say depression, but that's just my depression speaking (Ha. Ha.) It's not depression, either. Contempt. That's it, I know it. I'm not entirely sure what it means, but I know that's it. It just feels right. I guess not really in a good way, because, even with not knowing what it means, I know it's a negative emotion. If I had to guess, I'd say that it's a mixture of two stronger emotions-anger, and disgust.
So, what am I angry at? Good-freaking-question. And I've got a good-freaking-answer.
Percy.
That's a thing I haven't even TRIED to think of for the past year, and here I am, thinking it. I've banned myself from thinking of boys at all, for that matter. But that's because I'm a Hunter. I've been a Hunter for a long time, yet I still seem to be the only one who's having troubles with the 'sexual attraction problem' as Artemis likes to put it. She keeps telling me to 'school my feelings' and 'think better thoughts' and all of this other shit that I don't really care about. The thing is, I don't want to school my feelings.
I almost raise my hand to slap myself. But I don't. I've got to stop thinking about Percy Jackson.