If anyone knows anything about Eric Cartman, it's that he will fuck you up. This is the same noticeable trait that everyone knows Eric and Wendy Testaburger share, which is why many assumed they would eventually hook up. He made a kid eat his parents, and Wendy thought that a teacher was trying to steal her man and decided it would be a great idea to call some guys and… Well, you know the rest. 'twas a match made in… Some place really messed up.
But, magnets don't attract when turned opposite ways, but repel. Or something like that.
So when Eric and Wendy started dating, it didn't last long. They spent most of the time trying to destroy each other, really. And because they were an equal match, they didn't get too far.
Eric knew that it couldn't be him. I mean, come on, he's Eric I-am-so-awesome Cartman! And if it wasn't him, it was that hippie bitch, Wendy.
So, Eric decided he was gay.
This is a big jump in logic, maybe. But Eric's brain runs at warp speed.
See, Wendy was the only girl that wasn't an emotional wreck. She didn't have low self-esteem and didn't fool around and date guys to feel better about herself. The only real issue of self-esteem with Wendy was her fake boobs.
She also wasn't a doormat to be stepped on, which Eric saw was a great use for his partnership idea to take over the world. Clearly, if anyone would cut it to be Cartman's girl friend, it was Wendy.
But, since Wendy didn't work out, there was no hope in Eric ever finding a girl that would suit him.
That's not to say Eric couldn't have any girl he wanted, no. In fact, it was quite the other way around, since he inherited his mother's ability to fuck and have anyone and everyone. Eric just knew he was better than that.
So, Eric Cartman, on his second year of high school, dubbed himself gay.
And told everyone.
The brilliant thing about Cartman was that he could be a black, Jewish, hippie, gay MIDGET and still kick your ass and fuck you up and rip on you for the rest of your life if you had a problem with it. And he would never stop making fun of people like that and calling names.
Yeah, Eric was gay, but he will still call Kyle a faggy Jew everyday.
However, if anyone called Cartman an ass-ramming-queer, he would dig up that person's biggest weakness, exploit it, tear it down, destroy it, and then rub it in their face as a minor punishment.
A great thing that Eric Cartman has gathered over the years is blackmail. Stuff he could use, things he could pull out at the right moment and get what he wanted.
And Cartman always got what he wanted.