A/N: Don't get me wrong, I love Cas and Dean and their bond.. BUT. I love the idea of Cas and Sam bonding (obviously) and I really think there needed to be more of a scene between Sam and Cas after Castiel takes on his suffering and heals from it... Please tell me what you think :)
Castiel cannot deny that he deserves it, but it still stings every time Sam shies away from him.
The younger hunter's eyes would flick up to meet his for the briefest of seconds, before skirting around to the sides of him, as if trying to blur out his face. Sam's shoulders would tense when in close proximity of the angel-and that was when Dean allowed it, because-
"Yeah, Cas. You took on Sam's suffering, but you also caused it."
And that stung, too.
Castiel didn't know if it it was because he deserved that, or because of the way Dean spoke the words; tight and controlled on the outside, but loose from feelings that Castiel was tuned too.
Every time he would appear to the Winchesters, the brothers would gravitate towards one another. Either Sam would inch closer to Dean, or Dean would sense Sam's need and shift his body so he was somehow in front of the younger hunter.
And Castiel didn't need to hear words to know what that meant.
Castiel longed to make it right with both brothers-and that's why he's standing beside Sam's bed now, watching him sleep. Sam looks more peaceful, younger and happy when he is away from the living world. Castiel wonders what he dreams about, and if he was to appear in one, would it become a nightmare? Would Sam's face wrinkle in discomfort, and would his brother's name fall from his lips? Castiel moves to Dean's side now, and matches his frown with the older hunter's. He wonders if Dean ever finds peace in his sleep, and he reaches out only to stop short, his fingers hovering inches away from the face he thinks is beautiful. Another crinkle appears in Dean's forehead, as he if can sense a presence hovering over him, even though Castiel has taken measures for that not to happen. Castiel takes a step back, but Dean's face does not relax, and Castiel thinks it's because there is nowhere Dean can go that will make him forget his duty to his brother. He will always have one foot wherever Sam is.
Castiel hears a click, but only cocks his head to the side.
"Hello, Sam."
"Cas?" Sam's voice sounds rugged from sleep and confusion, and Castiel turns around in confirmation.
Sam lowers the gun, blinking furiously before settling for a wary stare.
"What's going on?" Sam asks, not speaking the words that linger around both of them. Dean is gonna be pissed.
Sam knows that if Castiel has arranged this than it must be important-even though Dean does not, he still trusts the angel's judgement. He understands more than anyone the things that humans and supernatural beings will do for their cause. He gets it, but it doesn't make it any easier for him when he remembers being the price paid.
"I need to speak with you."
Sam's eyebrows raise at this, and he clicks the safety back on the gun he is holding before sliding it under his pillow. He brings his hands together, absently pressing on the scar on his palm.
Castiel's expression softens at this, and this time when he reaches out, his fingers make contact with skin. His fingers brush over Sam's own, curling around them in a soft hold. Sam's stutter of breath is his only movement as his body tenses, but after seconds, Sam returns the gesture.
If this was Dean, he already would have been throwing punches.
It is said that Dean is quick to anger, fueled mostly by his desire to protect or avenge. His hurt bleeds into violence, but the ignition blows out almost as soon as it is lit.
Sam's anger is slow, burning and shimmering underneath like a pot left to stew. Both are lethal, but only one is consuming.
But in moments like these, Castiel sees another flame that burns bright in Sam, and that is his gentleness.
"I'm sorry." Castiel says the words slowly, as if by caressing each one that he can express it more, show that he means it more.
Sam blinks, as if he was not expecting that, and his expression suddenly looks awkward. Castiel wonders if it's because he's so used to being the one to apologise or if because he is only used to the apologies passed between brother to brother. Sam looks as if he's going to say something and starts to pull away, but Castiel presses down on the scar, and even though it does not hurt, it is a reminder and Sam flinches.
"Sam. I never meant to hurt you."
"I know. You meant to hurt Dean." Sam looks at him evenly, and Castiel's brows pinch together as he ponders on what Sam has said.
"Not-not exactly, no." Castiel finally replies, and looks back down at Sam's hand. He pulls it up, looking closer at it. Sam fidgets, and a faint blush starts to colour his cheeks.
Sam Winchester looks ...pretty. Castiel is glad that he is better at communication with humans, because he is sure that if he had thought that years ago, he would have said it, and he knew that Sam would not take that as a compliment.
Even if it was meant as one.
"Uh... what do you mean?" Castiel looks at Sam, and not because of the question. Whether Sam meant to or not, there is a slight leak of desperation that colours the tone, and Sam only adds to it as he blinks up at Castiel.
And suddenly Castiel understands.
Sam wants to believe in another reason. He wants to believe that it is not just because of Dean that something happens to him-as twisted as that is. Castiel thinks sometimes that Sam does not understand how much he means to Dean-or he's forgotten.
Because it is quite clear to all those around him-hurt Dean, hurt Sam. Infuriate Dean-hurt Sam. And Castiel knows that love was just as fiercely returned by the youngest Winchester.
But Sam will never understand the depth of the devotion, will never be able to share it because it is Dean's birth right.
"I needed to stop both of you. Not just Dean, Sam. But you as well. I didn't want to hurt Dean. And I certainly didn't want to hurt you. And I didn't hurt you." Castiel's eyes drop to the scar, and he presses into it again, closing his eyes as he is assaulted with flashes of Sam doing the same thing in desperation.
"I damaged you." He drops Sam's hand suddenly and slightly turns away.
"I forgive you." Sam says it quietly, and Cas turns around, not even remotely surprised by the grace that Sam Winchester is showing him.
Sam repeats it as Castiel locks eyes with him.
"I forgive you, Cas."
"I do not. After everything, that I do this to you-"
Sam shrugs, as if it is that simple.
"Well, it's up to me isn't it? You are worth that to me. And isn't that what family does? Screw up, hurt one another but forgive? Know that the other didn't mean it? That they are just stubborn, blinded by the cause? We've lost too much to start holding grudges."
"What-family does?" Sometimes Castiel thinks he knows Sam Winchester, and then Sam, the abomination, the angry, Lucifer's true vessel, will open his mouth and surprise him.
"Yes. Family," Sam gives him a knowing look.
"But if you forgive me- why-" Here Castiel pauses, unsure how to proceed. Sam cocks on eyebrow, and urges him onward,
"Why what?"
"Why were you frightened of me?"
"Because even though deep down I knew, I guess it still needed to be brought to the light."
"Is that a joke?" Castiel asks, confused, and Sam chuckles.
"Sorry-no. Uh, it needed to be spoken of. And as soon as you said you were sorry, I instantly forgave you. Sometimes it only takes that much. Dean on the other hand...might need you to prove you are sorry for your actions. To him, uh...taking on my crazy redeemed you, but that's it." Sam looks almost apologetic, but Castiel sees that from Dean's actions, Sam feels loved and protected. Castiel understands and admires Dean for that, so he does not want or expect any apology for that.
"So we are…how do you put it-good? Are we good?" Castiel looks at Sam, and Sam cannot stop the smile at how childlike Cas looks in this moment.
"Yeah, Cas. We're good."