An ultimate guide for any aspiring writer to plague the PJO fandom with even more horrible Sues. The author is not responsible for any flames, horrible injuries, or death that comes with following the advice.
[A/N]: I was bored. This has been done before, yes, but as mentioned a few words ago, I was bored. And procrastinating. Note that this is rated T, so there are some crude humor/remarks/slight hint of adult themes in here, though only in a few places. Beware.
zynaofthenight does not own PJO. She is not responsible for any flames, horrible injuries, or death that comes with following the advice in this story.
-How to Make a Mary-Sue-
By: zynaofthenight
Introduction and Physical Body
Hello, my dear reader. Welcome to zynaofthenight's ultimate guide to making a Mary-Sue!
*inserts cheesy applause*
So. Let's begin with the basics, starting with the most fundamental question of all: What is a Mary-Sue?
A Mary-Sue, my dear reader, is a female character made up by the author's mind. Usual symptoms include: flawless perfection, a traumatic past, the ability to make a lot of boys fall in love with her—just to name a few. Side effects include: readers puking, flamers, and authors everywhere screaming for help.
Stop there! Does this sound familiar? Perhaps you've seen something like this before? Perhaps…one or more of your own characters are like this? Well, then. Good job. You're already on your way to making a wonderful Sue! So read on! The next few chapters of this fic will give very detailed instructions and great insight on how to make the best, most wonderful, ultimate Sue ever!
Let's begin with making a Sue. First of all, your Sue needs a name. Normal names such as "Bob," "Joe," "Billy," or "Fred" do not work. Also, considering that those names aren't even names for girls…we could have a problem here. So let's consider some other names.
There are two choices for Sue names. One is the author's name, and the other is an overly fancy and long name that no one can pronounce, much less remember. For instance, since I'm zynaofthenight, I can name my Sue 'Zyna,' since that's my pen name. But let's use an overly fancy and long name.
How to make an overly fancy and long name?
Simple! All you have to do is take a few random, awesome words and put them together to form an epic name for your character. Making lists will help:
'Words' I like: (actually, they don't even have to be real words)
Sapphire
Rainbow
Dewdrop
Starlight
Nightsky
Raven
Icewing
Now that we have a list, we can form them together to make an absolutely wonderful name! The more contradictory, the better! Sapphire Rainbow Dewdrop Starlight Nightsky Raven Icewing sounds like a really amazing name, doesn't it? But…something's not right. We need to make the name even better. Why don't we replace the i's with y?
Sapphyre Raynbow Dewdrop Starlyght Nyghtsky Raven Icewying. Hmm…sounds about right? No? Of course, silly me! I forgot to add the x's and the apostrophes.
So now we have our final, beautiful name: xXxSapp'hyre Ra'ynbow Dew'drop Starly'ght Ny'ghtsky Rave'n Icewy'ingxXx. Isn't it so pretty? It has seven words. Seven is a magic number. 'Nough said.
She is a half-blood, after all. We need to give her a godly parent. Daughters of Poseidon are the most popular, but so are daughters of Hades, Zeus, Artemis, blah, blah, blah. I like daughters of Poseidon and daughters of Artemis, but really, they all look the same: either the Sue has black hair and green eyes, or she has auburn hair and silver/yellow eyes. We want something more special. And so…I suggest xXxSapp'hyre Ra'ynbow Dew'drop Starly'ght Ny'ghtsky Rave'n Icewy'ingxXx should be a forbidden daughter of Hera. Forbidden children are good for Mary-Sues. We know Hera has brown hair, but really, we don't know much else about her appearance, other than she's rather beautiful…like the rest of the goddesses on Olympus. And so we can make up her appearance!
But. Just being a daughter of Hera does not work. xXxSapp'hyre Ra'ynbow Dew'drop Starly'ght Ny'ghtsky Rave'n Icewy'ingxXx needs EVEN MORE speshul pwnage. There are several options:
1) She is a vampire (who can walk in daylight without sparkling like Edward Cullen)
2) She is emo/goth (yet she does not have uber emotional problems…she must stay strong because she is just perfect that way!)
3) She is a werewolf (and still absolutely beautiful)
4) She is a sorceress/enchantress/witch/etc. (because magical people are very epic)
And many more. But I think we'll stick with these options so far. Let's choose.
I suggest we cross off werewolf first, because werewolves…aren't really the perfect image of Mary-Sueness. And also, Jacob Black shares the same last name as one of my friends (who's a girl), and two epic teachers at my school. It's kinda disturbing.
Cross out!
3) She is a werewolf
Now, let's look at our remaining options:
1) She is a vampire
2) She is emo/goth
4) She is a sorceress/enchantress/witch/etc.
Emo/goth is a good choice for Mary-Sues, because they're so frail yet strong, and their emoness/gothness shows the…emoness/gothness they feel. Uh, yeah. However, this is not always the best idea, because your Sue will be rather lacking in appearance, and all she will wear is black. How boring is that? xXxSapp'hyre Ra'ynbow Dew'drop Starly'ght Ny'ghtsky Rave'n Icewy'ingxXx can't wear black on the time! BORING.
So now we cross off yet another option:
2) She is emo/goth
Vampires…well, we know that Edward Cullen is all…um…attractively appealing to half the population of girls out here, and being plotted for murder by the other half. But vampires are really kinda emo/goth in a way, and that's boring.
So we cross off another option:
1) She is a vampire
Lookie! We only have one option left! So our dear Sue named xXxSapp'hyre Ra'ynbow Dew'drop Starly'ght Ny'ghtsky Rave'n Icewy'ingxXx is now a daughter of Hera and a enchantress. Because that sounds the best. Suit yourself.
Alright. So, now that we have our beautiful Sue's godly heritage and magical powers, we must get on to her physical body.
xXxSapp'hyre Ra'ynbow Dew'drop Starly'ght Ny'ghtsky Rave'n Icewy'ingxXx is a delicate half-blood. She must be perfect, with no flaws whatsoever. She must have amazing powers. She must have uber mugwump skillz!
"Ahh!" you scream. "That's too much to handle! How can I do this all?" We will all watch as you are running around the room in panic, screaming your lungs off at this horrifying amount of work you have to accomplish before xXxSapp'hyre Ra'ynbow Dew'drop Starly'ght Ny'ghtsky Rave'n Icewy'ingxXx is perfect.
Never fear, Zyna is here! Just follow this guide closely, and everything will seem easy as a piece of pie! (Yum…pie)
So, first, we must decide her basic body shape. How old should she be? What height should she be? Hair color? Eye color? What does she wear?
Whoa, whoa. Slow down. Let's take this a step at a time.
Age
The most common age is about fifteen/sixteen-ish. Funny. Most writers on this site are younger than that, yet we all write about people older than us. Meh.
xXxSapp'hyre Ra'ynbow Dew'drop Starly'ght Ny'ghtsky Rave'n Icewy'ingxXx should be sixteen years old. It's the perfect age—old enough to drive, old enough to fall desperately in love, but not too old. It's very important for your Sue to be in the right age. Too young, or too old, and your Sue is completely ruined.
Body
xXxSapp'hyre Ra'ynbow Dew'drop Starly'ght Ny'ghtsky Rave'n Icewy'ingxXx is perfect, which means she has to be beautiful. She can't be short—oh no, what perfect person is short? She can't be too tall either, but put her on the taller height. Like, around 5 feet 6 inches. That way, she's actually tall enough.
Being tall means xXxSapp'hyre Ra'ynbow Dew'drop Starly'ght Ny'ghtsky Rave'n Icewy'ingxXx has to be graceful and lithe. She must have an athletic, well built body. She should look smoking hot and sexy for all the boys to ogle at her. She must have all the curves in the right places. She must be beautiful without any makeup. She must be so amazingly desirable that all boys drool at the sight of her and sing the double rainbow song.
No, seriously. Though you are allowed to ignore the author's perverted remarks as she is typing this up at 11:00 PM when she should be doing her massive amounts of homework and studying for her six huge finals in the next week. Blame it all on lack of sleep.
*coughs* Um…anywho. Next section!
Eye Color
xXxSapp'hyre Ra'ynbow Dew'drop Starly'ght Ny'ghtsky Rave'n Icewy'ingxXx should have deep, soulful eyes that seem to understand everyone's problems. Her eyes should be a really bizarre combination of colors. Well, let's see. Her mother is Hera, and Hera's bird is the peacock. So, xXxSapp'hyre Ra'ynbow Dew'drop Starly'ght Ny'ghtsky Rave'n Icewy'ingxXx's eyes should be a myriad of swirling kaleidoscope patterns of green, gold, and blue.
Creepy? That's good. Creepy is good. Very good.
Hair Color
We know Hera has brown hair, but what's the fun in that? Come on, we need to make a Sue's hair interesting. So…I propose that we give her naturally dark blue hair with natural streaks of silver! It goes really well with the xXxSapp'hyre Ra'ynbow Dew'drop Starly'ght Ny'ghtsky Rave'n Icewy'ingxXx theme, y'know.
Clothing
Being the oblivious-to-the-world-of-fashionable-clothing-these-days type of person, I cannot help you here. My definition of fashionable is jeans, a badminton t-shirt, a random, really cheap jacket, and a pair asics gel running shoes. And I rarely wear that—I usually wear a pair of shorts/sport pants, a badminton t-shirt, adidas sweatshirt, and a pair of asics gel running shoes. So as you can see, I am hopelessly lost in the world of fashionable dressing.
Choose what you will. Give her whatever fancy clothing you think will fit her. Remember, the clothing will never get ruined, and it has to go along with her name.
She's an enchantress too. She needs to wear something magical and enchantressy. Have fun and make it all up :D
Other Features
xXxSapp'hyre Ra'ynbow Dew'drop Starly'ght Ny'ghtsky Rave'n Icewy'ingxXx should have a delicate nose, perfect lips for kissing, porcelain skin, blah, blah, blah. She should look more beautiful than the most beautiful person you've ever seen. Make her perfect, and you'll be fine.
Skills
xXxSapp'hyre Ra'ynbow Dew'drop Starly'ght Ny'ghtsky Rave'n Icewy'ingxXx is amazing at fighting. You have to admit it. She will kick the butt off of any monster who dares to cross her. Her weapon should be really special and unheard of. Be creative. C'mon, it's not that hard. I've already helped you so much.
She's a daughter of Hera and an enchantress. Give her amazing magical powers, like the ability to use charmspeak even though she's not a daughter of Aphrodite. Y'know. Give her epic Hera powers, like…um…shapeshifting into peacocks…(no…that doesn't work)…and using amazing powers to keep everyone together as a family. That'll work.
Now that we've got a perfectly featured Mary-Sue, tune in for the next chapter, "Characteristics," in which we will explore the traumatic past of the Mary-Sue and choose a good characteristic for her—how she acts, how she speaks, etc. Also, we get to choose her love life…muahaha.
For the love of pie and the existence of demigods,
ὡzynaὡ
[A/N]: That was really strange. Okay. Yeah. Um. Review, anyone? They will be greatly appreciated. Flames will be tossed into my nonexistent fireplace and used to…uh…*racks brain for a good word*…um…(oh! I know!)…roast CHEESE.
Aw, come on. You know you love this story. Review it for my sake? :D