An adventure into the realms of pure crack. Part 3 of a billion.
Prussia teaching Liechtenstein bad habits. God, Prussia.
Also. CHILLIN' WITH HER. NOT LOVIN' HER. THAT'S IT.
Liechtenstein = Lili
Human names used, purely because I'm too lazy to type out Liechtenstein over and over.
Also, there's no actual Gilbert and Lili hanging out in the fic. It's just the precursor, some noise, and the result. Just FYI.
Also also. Some people may find something Lili does to be offensive. I don't wanna ruin the surprise, though. :
Enjoitsu.
Gilbert's pearly whites flashed towards Lili for a brief moment before he returned to bothering Ludwig, as he so often did during world meetings. The only reason Ludwig brought him- since he wasn't a proper country- was because if he left him home alone he had no idea what sort of trouble the albino prankster would get into and didn't care to find out. After the time he came home to find that Gilbert had decided he wanted a chicken farm in the basement ( declaring it was HIS room and he could do whatever he wanted in there! ) Ludwig decided it was best to just bring him along.
Of course the other nations weren't happy about it, since Prussia had a habit of opposing everything for absolutely no reason, or suggesting ludicrous "solutions" that even America thought were crazy.
Still, Ludwig brought his big brother along with him, promising him as much beer as he wanted after the meeting, in exchange for him at least attempting to behave.
Of course Gilbert barely ever got the promised beer because Gilbert barely ever attempted to behave.
Today, though, he was being a little less chaotic than usual and it was making Ludwig suspicious. He would peer out of the corner of his steel-blue eyes towards Gilbert every time he settled down, to find him making some strange gestures towards Bash's little sister, Lili. Ludwig groaned inwardly, knowing full well what chaos Gilbert was capable of and how generally innocent Lili was. He hoped Gilbert wasn't planning anything that would get the two of them shot by the trigger-happy Bash.
…
"Lili!" Gilbert screamed across the table as soon as Ludwig declared the meeting over. Lili, Bash and Ludwig all reacted to Gilbert screaming her name, Bash's hand immediately twitching and moving to his waist and Ludwig's hand immediately meeting his face and forehead, a groan leaking from his lips.
Lili's eyes lit up and a smile touched her lips as she waved at Gilbert, ignoring Bash's warnings about Gilbert being as strange as strangers come and suggesting she stay away. She skipped around the table, curtseying in response to Hungary and Austria's greetings before continuing along her way to Gilbert, Bash following close behind.
Ludwig glared at his big brother, muttering at Gilbert, "You had better not be planning anything ridiculous." he frowned deeply and opened his mouth to say more but was cut off when Feliciano tackled him from behind, screaming something about pasta.
"Keep your hands off my brother, you potato bastard!" Romano managed to get out before an over-excited Spaniard grabbed him by the arm and began dragging him away.
"Come on, Lovi! I have fresh tomatoes at home!" Antonio laughed as Romano's face grew red, "You look just like them!" a genuine smile spread across his face as he dragged a screaming Romano out of the conference room.
Gilbert blinked, amused at the antics of both Italian twins- not to mention his best friend's obliviousness. He was going to take this moment to flirt with the adorable Italia-chan, but Lili chose that moment to make her presence known.
"Bruder Gilbert!" she smiled at him, standing somewhat stiffly since Bash was being so overbearing.
"Lili!" Gilbert grinned, throwing his arms around the smaller girl. He let go as soon as Bash's gun cleared his holster and he took a step back.
"Don't touch my sister, Gilbert." Bash snapped. He frowned when Lili pouted at him and lightly tapped his gun arm.
"He was just saying hello, bruder." she defended the trouble-maker, looking back and forth between Bash and Gilbert.
"Yeah! Besides. Your bullets aren't awesome enough to wound the awesome me." he announced proudly, puffing his chest out and pointing towards himself with a thumb.
"Do you want to test that?" Bash lifted his hand, despite Lili hanging off his arm in an attempt to get him to lower it, aiming the gun towards Gilbert who had apparently decided that Ludwig would be a good wall.
Ludwig placed his hands on Gilbert's shoulders and moved the smaller German in front of himself. "You started this." he began, using both hands to keep his squirming brother in place.
"OH YEAH!" Gilbert hollered, making Ludwig, Bash and Lili each flinch. "I wanna hang out with my little sister-type!" he proclaimed, making Bash raise his gun again.
"No." he said simply, "I don't wa-"
"I'd love to!" Lili cried, cutting her brother off. He blinked, surprised, and cocked his head to the side to better see Lili.
"You want to… To hang out with him?" Bash asked, slowly lowering his hand and, effectively, moving the gun away from Gilbert's face. "But h-"
Lili smiled, "He's nice to me, you know!" she nodded, staring at Bash with wide, bright eyes, "He's fun, too! He'd never let me get hurt and he'll protect me, right, Bruder Gilbert?" she asked, smile growing brighter as she spoke.
Bash seemed conflicted, he wanted his little sister to be happy, but Gilbert was an unsavoury figure, really. His steely gaze directed itself to Ludwig who had been remaining silent while Feliciano crawled onto his lap and poked and prodded and generally annoyed the stoic Germany. Ludwig glanced up, feeling the heavy gaze boring into the back of his head and blinked.
"You!" Bash said, pointing at Ludwig with his gun hand- gun still IN hand. "Make sure your bruder doesn't do anything to my sister." Bash snapped. "And make sure she gets home safely."
Ludwig frowned but nodded, none-the-less. Gilbert couldn't be counted on to get her home safely so Ludwig figured he might as well make sure she stayed safe. Not only on her way home, but while Gilbert accosted her with his nonsense.
"Yey! Bruder Gilbert I get to come with you!" Lili giggled, throwing her arms around said German. Ludwig groaned as Feliciano announced he was going to come over, too! and Bash frowned, hand twitching with his gun.
…
"SO!" Gilbert's voice could be heard from the basement, over the sound of Feliciano's pasta-making song as he did just that. Ludwig followed Feliciano around, making sure the kitchen stayed tidy while Feliciano made their dinner.
"Ve~ Ludwig, what are you doing?" Feliciano blinked, stirring his pot of pasta sauce.
Ludwig stood rigidly, blinking as if he hadn't heard the question, and Feliciano was just about to repeat it when-
"YES, PERFECT!"
"Be QUIET, Gilbert!" Ludwig screamed down the basement stairs. Feliciano giggled, wrapping his arms around Ludwig and, in some ill-conceived attempt to calm him, pressed a kiss to his temple, followed immediately by another to his lips. Ludwig froze, a blush overcoming his face and he seemed to forget that Gilbert had been bothering him.
The moment was ruined by a string of "BRUDER, BRUDER, BRUDER." echoing up the stairs in Gilbert's obnoxious voice, laced with Lili's sweet, innocent one. Ludwig felt a pang in his stomach and shook his head.
He had a terrible feeling about Gilbert hanging out with Lili.
…
It had been a month since Lili had hung out with Gilbert and Bash was mostly pleasantly surprised at how little it seemed Gilbert had influenced his sister. He was impressed until the next world meeting, anyway.
The entire time, Lili and Gilbert had been passing notes to each other, stopping only when Ludwig would smack Gilbert over the head. However, they would resume with the note-passing when Ludwig's attention would be pulled away by Feliciano. Despite his irritation, Bash didn't want to scold his sister so instead decided to simply ignore her and Gilbert being obvious about their interruptions and nonsense.
Gilbert laughed sharply when he read the note Lili passed him.
'Bash is angry. His hand is twitching over his gun.'
Gilbert scribbled a message down and balled the piece of paper up before flinging it across the table, hitting Bash in the middle of his forehead. A laugh forced its way out of Gilbert's throat and Lili placed her hand over her mouth, muffling her giggle. A few laughs and chuckles echoed down the table.
Lili quickly snatched the piece of paper up before Bash could grab it and throw it back at the German nation. Ludwig was groaning, face flat against the table, while Feliciano was going on about a new restaurant he found that made wonderful pasta.
Without the piece of paper to launch at Gilbert's face, Bash instead stood up suddenly, his chair flinging backwards and clattering to the floor rather forcefully. He lifted a leg, stomping it on the table as he ripped a gun from a holster on his thigh. He aimed it directly at Gilbert's face, hand as steady as it ever was.
"YOU'RE A BAD INFLUENCE." Bash hollered, glaring at Gilbert.
Lili's eyes were wide as she tried to calm her brother down, "Bruder he di-"
"I DON'T KNOW WHAT HAPPENED THERE BUT YOU!" another gun found its way into Bash's other hand from another- unknown- holster and the gun was aimed at Ludwig. "YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO TAKE CARE OF HER."
With a cry of shock, Lili rose from her seat, trying to get Bash's attention enough to calm him down.
Ludwig's eyes were wide in shock, Feliciano and Romano were freaking out, Antonio was trying to comfort the both of them, Katyusha was crying, Natalya was clinging to Ivan in some horrible attempt to "protect" him, the Baltics were cowering in a corner since Ivan was freaking out about his sister being so close, Feliks was giggling to Toris about Ivan's face being funny, Elizaveta was scolding a blushing and jittery Roderich, Arthur was trying in vain to get Alfred to get back into his seat but Alfred was far more interested in getting closer to the action so he could be the hero and save Ludwig and Gilbert, and Francis was running around feeling everybody up during all the chaos.
Lili shot a look towards Gilbert who nodded at her.
Despite all the noise and chaos occurring in the room, Lili's voice rang loud and clear as she screamed "BRUDER! BRUDER! BRUDER!", throwing her right arm up in the old Nazi salute.
The room immediately fell silent and all eyes turned towards Lili and Bash. A double "clank" could be heard as both of Bash's guns fell from his hands onto the table- Elizaveta dove towards the guns, taking them as far from the stunned blond as possible while in her own state of shock.
Bash stared, his hands still in the air where they had been holding the guns, his mouth agape as his eyes bore into Lili's, unable to form sentences or even words.
"DU!" Ludwig's face flushed in anger or frustration or embarrassment and his fist flew to Gilbert's face once he had regained his senses.
Chaos erupted in the meeting room again, Bash went to his sister and shook her by the shoulders while Ludwig lifted his now-unconscious brother onto his shoulder, declaring the meeting over.
Ludwig didn't spare a glance to anybody else as he stormed out of the room with his brother in tow, Feliciano running behind to get away from Romano's violent screaming and thrashing due to Spain's trying to "protect" him.
Bash grabbed his sister's wrist and dragged her out of the room, her voice floating down the hall…
"But Bruder Gilbert told me to do that when I want your attention!"
A/N:: Oh man. Gilbert is such a bad influence.
I like my brand of "crack". No, seriously. Because it can be a "logical" story while, at the same time, it is absolutely ridiculous. 8D
I actually read my stories sometimes, haha. And then I'm like "wow I'm stupid, what is this crap?" But that's okay! =3