"Nii-san, do you think you could help me with this?"
Sasuke looked at his brother hopefully, surrounded by several books and papers. Recently, he had taken up extra courses, ones that would amount to college credit when he finished high school. The downside was that it had increased his already intense workload, but he didn't want to give up; after all, the boy had only taken the courses to make his brother proud of him, and quitting would no doubt mean that Itachi would think of him as more of a disappointment than he already was.
"You know I'm busy, Sasuke. Do it yourself," the eldest answered with an annoyed sigh. He had just gotten home from work and he wanted time to simply relax. Was that too much to ask for?
"But... It'll only take a second, really!" The boy bit his lip, feeling the last bit of his hope slipping away.
Another sigh escaped Itachi's lips as he looked at his younger brother. "Sasuke! I told you I'm busy, so stop asking me incessantly. You are not a child, and you need to learn to do things on your own."
"...Okay..." The raven-haired boy looked down, hating the stinging of tears in his eyes. If his brother saw, he'd laugh at him, accuse him of being far too emotional. He couldn't help it, though. After the death of their parents, life had been hard for him, especially when it seemed like Itachi wanted nothing to do with him. Sure, he had to make sure they had enough money to stay in the house and finish putting Sasuke through school, but did that really mean he had to lose his brother? With the stress of school and everything else that had happened, encounters like these kept pushing him closer and closer to the edge.
The hours passed, unnoticed, as Sasuke worked on his assignments, struggling to understand certain things. It frustrated him that he had difficulty, because normally he was a natural at everything. That's why he had asked for help, but of course, he hadn't received any. When his frustration hit its limit, he shoved the textbooks to the ground, pulling at his hair. Why couldn't he ever be good enough? His grades were dropping, his friends only gave him pitying looks, and his big brother never even gave him a moment of his time.
What was wrong with him?
He needed answers, answers to a lot of things. And so... he turned to the only solution he could find. A blade, sharpened oh so nicely, to slice through his skin. It wasn't much, just enough to draw a bit of blood. After that, he was fine. The blade was cleaned up and put away, and he went back to acting as if nothing had happened.
But that momentary relief from the small pain could only last so long.
Friday night had soon arrived, and Sasuke dreaded it. That was the day his brother left with his friend to go drink. It wasn't just the fact that Itachi gave everyone else more attention than his own brother; it was that when he got home, the alcohol made him speak of all the things that the younger boy couldn't do right. Whether it was blaming him for their parents' death, accusing him of being a waste of space in the house, or whatever else Sasuke may have mistakenly done that week, everything was dumped out in the night. The next morning, Itachi remembered, but he never really did anything about it; both boys brushed it off, or at least pretended to. Sasuke took every word to heart, letting them push the blade deeper into his skin.
The small scratches became long gashes. His pale skin became stained with crimson, and so he covered them up, wore long shirts. He tried to become happier, he honestly did. But so often, these attempts just pushed him deeper and deeper into his depression.
"Hey, Naruto, wanna... go watch a movie or something? Or hang out this weekend?" The Uchiha looked at his hyper blonde friend. It was one of the few times that he ever actually initiated conversation, especially asking to spend more time together, and he thought that that would account for something.
"Ne, sorry, I have a date with Sakura!" A grin lit the face of his friend, causing Sasuke's shoulders to slump ever so slightly, though he tried not to show his disappointment. Well, another night with his dear brother. Perhaps he could convince him into doing something fun, into spending time with him the way they used to.
Forcing a small smirk, Sasuke answered, "Hmph, finally got a date? Don't screw it up."
It really was shocking how easily he could make people believe he was okay. Besides the pity caused by his lack of parents, he was never questioned on his mental or emotional state, though both were deteriorating. Every so often, he would glance down at his arms, wondering what those around him would do if he let his true emotions show. Would anyone care?
When his brother got home, he tried to ask what was on his mind. "'Tachi... If I were to die... Would you care?" Sasuke looked at his brother, hope once again lighting up his dark eyes. He always became hopeful when it came to his brother, but the hopes were always killed. When would he learn to stop letting his heart get the best of him?
"Sasuke, why do you always ask me nonsense? You aren't going to die anytime soon."
"But, say I did? Hypothetically?"
"You won't. So stop asking." Itachi's lips formed a slight scowl, wanting the conversation to end right then and there.
"But what if-"
Before Sasuke could continue talking, Itachi threw his coat at the rack, causing it to fall to the ground, spilling all the jackets and bags that had been placed on it. "I said, you won't! Maybe if you were dead I wouldn't have to deal with you not listening to me!" The elder stormed away, leaving his little brother staring at where he had been.
Did he mean that? Was he really that much of a bother? His brother rarely lost his temper, ignoring the Friday's when hell would break loose. Itachi used to be happy, sometimes even cheerful. But Sasuke never saw that side of him anymore. Maybe... maybe he was the problem for his brother's anger and irritation. Maybe, if Sasuke was gone, he would go back to being the way he had been before. Sighing sadly, the raven haired boy bent down to clean up the mess.
That night, the young Uchiha went to bed with dark thoughts poisoning his mind. He was tired of this. He couldn't stand the thought that he had been the cause of everything that had gone negatively for his brother. And so came the decision: to end his pain as well as his dear brother's, he would take away the cause of the problems. Himself.
Though, he couldn't leave without a goodbye. A simple goodbye, and possibly, a chance that he could be saved. Walking up to his brother the next day, Sasuke donned a smile, one of the rare ones that were typically only for his Nii-san. "Nii-san... I just wanted to tell you that I love you."
"And what brings this up, Sasuke?" Itachi looked at him silently, his face indifferent.
"Well, I just... wanted you to know that. Do you think, maybe, we could hang out today?" There it was. The hope that always seemed to form, even though he had decided the past night that he would do this. Perhaps he just wanted to see if his brother cared. Sasuke wanted to be saved, hoped that he would be.
"No. I'm busy. You know that, Sasuke. Don't destroy the house while I'm gone." And there is was. The reply that killed all of his hope. As Itachi left the house, the only thought that the young boy could process was, 'He didn't even say he loved me...'
All hopes fell. The decision was made.
That night, the boy stood upon the roof of the tallest building in the city. His feet were on the edge and wind caressed his hair, all as his eyes scanned the are below him. A crowd was beginning to gather, and for a moment, he thought he saw his brother. Sasuke wondered about what might be going through the elder's mind, whether he was still surprised or if he realized that this would make it all better. Maybe, just maybe, his brother would cry, would actually miss him.
But Sasuke's hopes had been killed far too many times to give that thought any more time in his mind before shoving it away.
Just one step. One step, and his body was falling, moving closer and closer to the ground. His eyes were shut, full of tears as he thought back to the times he had shared with his brother, his parents; the times before everything went bad.
I love you, Nii-san... I truly do...
So, I know it was a bit jumpy, but that was the point. You know, his deteriorating mind not able to keep good track of time?
Anywho~ I was thinking about maybe writing something from Itachi's point of view, and/or back when they were kids and everything was fine. Whaddya think?