Pairings: 1XR, desired 1X2 (it makes sense, I swear.)
A/N: Wow... this is probably the first time that I've written something with no profanity or sex (and limited innuendo.) That's gotta be a record. This one's kid friendly. Anyway, the name comes from a terribly sad Dolly Parton song. This started out a songfic, and then I wasn't sure if I wanted to pursue it or not. However, the name still fits, unless you haven't heard the song. Be that the case, go hear it. Thanks go to: Sintari, for reviewing me kindly, Rasha for never failing to review and archive me ) and Niere for just generally being cool. R&R.
Relena felt her eyes open, late at night. The room around her was mired, deep, in shadow. She frowned to herself, trying to think of what had made her wake up that late (or early, as a quick glance at the clock would tell her.) Then, she heard it again. A low, rumbling voice beside her. The arm that was heavily slung over her stomach trailed back to a boy, couldn't have been over twenty. He moaned beside her, pink lips barely parting under a chocolate mop that splayed on the pillow. Every time Relena deciphered these words, the ones he said, she felt lead inject into heart and the heavy weight sink it low into the pit of her stomach.
"Duo..."
He said it again, and she felt herself wanting to die for the nth time that week, that month, that year. She'd lost count of many times he had pained her with that one word. She slipped out of bed, and shrugged a robe over her pale shoulders. The moon came in through the window, softly glimmering on her body. She pulled the two ends closer and wrapped her arms together. She stared down through the window. There was no bustling in the streets. A club had just closed, its rejects slinking out into the darkness of the night around them. She watched the patrons with a hawk like gaze, her eyes fixating on two men stumbling down the sidewalk. One of them was a blond, obviously not a regular, for she'd never seen him before. But, there was one that she knew, his arm around the blonde's waist. He was small and spry, with a lithe, thin body, clothed almost entirely in black. She'd have thought he'd outgrow that. Under the yellow streetlight, the chestnut braid still had a gleam, glowering back at her. That boy and everything about him mocked her, mocked the way she could never get what it was that she truly wanted. He knew it, even though he wasn't sure what he knew. Her life was miserable.
"Duo!" a voice cried behind her. She didn't turn, letting her finger wrap itself in a lock of her hair. She knew whose it was and there was no reason to even check. But, the next noises surprised her. A dreamy, sleepy voice, different from the lusty one that screamed in the night, whispered at her now. "Relena?"
She looked back to him, the surprise in her eyes masked with the gentle smile that the curves of her face knew well. She fell easily into it, the way that someone would just gently let herself fall off a cliff. "Yes?"
"Did I wake you?"
She shook her head. "I heard you mumbling in your sleep." He pursed his lips at her, almost fearful. His own strong body propped itself up on one elbow and watched her from beyond his own eyes.
"What... what did I say?"
You know, she thought. You've always known. Ever since that godforsaken war started, you've known. Every since you came back here with something unreal to prove, you've known. You know whose face haunts you and what ideas plague your mind late at night. That's why it took you so long to fall asleep for the night. That's why you call his name while you dream.
"I'm not sure," she replied, keeping her face soft. She always did things like this; she kept her eyes warm to hide the pain and left a gentle smile across her lips to mark she scornful grimace. "You were mumbling."
He held his eyes on her. "Oh..." He paused, and she waited carefully, dutifully, trying not to feel her heart sinking lower and lower. "You'll come back to bed then?" She nodded and shrugged off her robe. He pulled back the sheets to let her in and she slid between them willingly. She felt the soft brush of his lips on her cheek before lying back down. His arm slid to her hips and pulled her slender frame closer to him. She could tell he knew, simply by the way he moved. He knew what she knew and he wanted her to be wrong more than he'd ever wanted anything. But, it couldn't happen. There were things that no one could avoid and this was one of them. By the same token, Relena knew she wouldn't end it. Even if it caused her pain and forced him to lie to himself, it was still what she wanted. She had wanted Heero since the beginning, since she met him. Now that she had him, she'd be damned if this was going to pull him away from her. As long as he was trying to deny it to himself, she'd deny it to herself. If it were to be over, it would have to be by his own measure, and not hers. She felt him breathing heavily against her neck, and she could tell that he'd managed to fall asleep again, even with the fear of saying something incriminating lingering in the back of his mind. She could tell that if he hadn't admitted it to himself, than he certainly couldn't want her to know.
"Duo?" The voice groped for the name in the darkness, and Relena sighed in spite of herself. She couldn't believe this was worth it. But, to her, it was.