Disclaimer: Insert funny comment about not pwning Naruto here.
I opened the thick, heavy door and walked into the room with an aura full of ego. This was my big break, I thought. This would be the moment of my life where I actually got to talk to these people and find out just what they think about the stories surrounding them. I, the lackluster, lethargic liliduh was going to get the information I've wanted since I read the first story about them online. Don't screw up your questions and make sure to be subtle about everything, and don't go crazy over their responses either, I said to myself. With that I sat down, recorder on my hand, and a list of questions ready for my lovely guests.
It was time to interroga-.. I mean, interview a few characters of Naruto cast. Not seiyuu, because no one cared for any of their voice actors except the the one who did Gaara, the famous Akira Ishida (Insert indefinite amount of hearts here). And maybe the one who did Naruto's voice too, same person who played that femmy man Kamatari from Rurouni Kenshin. And maybe the guy who did Kakashi, same person who played that stoic Hatori from Furub-...
Sorry, I'm off topic again. I was going to interview the beloved main cast of famous anime, Naruto.
Taking a deep breath, I began my question.
"So, guys. What do you think of all the fanfiction about you?"
The second I said "fanfiction", I felt the air turn cold. Kakashi was the only person who had no reaction, where as everyone else tensed. Sakura began tapping her foot at a rapid rate. Naruto's smile started to twitch. Sasuke was taking deep breaths.
"Fanfiction? Kami, how I hate it," the young blonde genin said. "A lot of it are just plain nasty." The smile was officially gone.
"Why is that, Naruto-kun?" I asked, pushing my glasses up in a very stereotypical nerdy way.
"Because they have me paired up with that bastard over here!" he said, pointing an accusing finger at Sasuke.
You can't blame the guy for feeling like this. I mean, typing fanfiction about him making out with his BFF who whooped his ass (don't take it the wrong way) 2.5 years ago can be quite a stinger. A lemon to the wound, I might add. Who wants a gay hokage anyway? If people of the village actually read the fanfiction about these characters, it would be major havoc when Naruto becomes hokage. So not only would he be considered the demon hokage, but also the homosexual one who somehow "polluted" the last of the Uchiha clan. Furthermore, about every girl in the village would hate Naruto even more for taking their dear Sasuke-kun away.
And yes, I'm always right. Naruto will be hokage.
"I'm paired up with people like Gaara, or Lee! I'm like the whore of the whole fanfiction archive!" Sakura said.
Well, you can't really argue with her about the whore part. A lot of doujinshi and fanfiction have her paired with almost every male and female character. You have to feel sorry for her. Though there are like a billion SasuSaku fans, the amount of all the other couples can overtake that pairing. Nodding my head, I agreed with Sakura about her whore comment. Then another thought strike me. Wouldn't Naruto be THE official whore? Maybe I could get to that topi-
"I saw one with me paired with Orochimaru," said Sasuke, his face full of red anger. "Some with my own brother ..."
Okay, now that's just sad. I'd like to tell him that there are a lot of icons where his fans would make him talk to Kabuto or Orochimaru about illicit things, but then I'd see my grave a little sooner. Sakura and Naruto decided to twitch their eyes and scoot away from Sasuke. This was getting no where, I thought. I need some juice, something random, something insightful, and something that somehow connects to all the human passion many readers have had when reading Naruto fanfiction.
"Personally," Kakashi said for the first time, "what irritates me the most is the lack of grammar in some of these stories."
This is where his students make a classic "anime fall" and stare at him with astonished eyes and I scoot up to him. What an awesome guy! Now here's someone who connects with all the rants about Naruto fanfiction! What a break! What a break!
"Kakashi-sensei! People have you kissing with Iruka-sensei!" Naruto cried in frustration.
"Yeah, but it's done with terrible grammar. I mean, there's no correct subject verb agreement, lack of decent vocabulary, and some spelling errors I've never encountered in my entire life. Like 'i'm GONA kil u'. First off, even though you can't tell, the first word isn't capitalized, 'gona' isn't even a word just as 'kil' isn't either, and 'u' is not something I'd consider fanfiction quality."
"I can't believe you care more about the grammar then persons these fanfiction writes pair you up with! And going smex crazy about too!" replied Naruto, eyes twitching so fast, I could tell he was about to tear.
"That's true," Sakura said, while both Naruto and Sasuke whipped their heads to their new traitor of fanfiction rants. "Guys, really! Have you seen the massive amount of Mary-sues out there? I've seen fanfiction with less than fifty words and and some 20 chapter ones with NO spacing between dialogue and paragraphs!"
Finally, I thought. Two characters understand what us hungry fanfiction lovers complain about!
"That's .. so true, Kakashi! Sakura!" I said, tears pouring from my eyes. "I'm sick of reading that stuff too!"
"Well, character development is really lacking in some fanfiction," Sasuke said. With big eyes, Naruto stared at Sasuke. "What I'd like to do to those who make me look like a bad guy..."
"Well, Sasuke. You DID beat the crap out of Naruto when he was trying to save you from the pits of Orochimaru hell," Kakashi said, putting a hand under his chin, trying to look smarter than he already is.
"Yeah. Yeah, you did, Sasuke. That's probably why there's a plethora of NaruSaku fanfiction now," Naruto agreed. That's true. Some are really good, too. Not that I read any.
"You don't even know what plethora means, idiot," Sasuke replied with a pretentious gesture of his hand.
"How about I give you a plethora of rasengan blasts, bastard?" Naruto taunted, while making the signs for a replication.
"How about I chidori your ass again, dead last?" Sasuke said, and I started hearing birds chirping from my side. Aw man. This isn't good!
"Well, one thing's for sure. When we do fight again, I really will be dead last," Naruto smirked, making Sasuke look like a Orochimaru with color.
Not good! Not good! I looked to Kakashi and Sakura for help and I found Kakashi reading some book-..Oh! The book! Yeah, he was reading THE book and Sakura was ... surfing the internet? The hell's she doing online when her closest guy friends are about to go at it again with jounin level attacks ... again?
"I got it!" she said, waving Kakashi to the computer.
"Whoah. This is too harsh for them, Sakura." Kakashi said. I took look a look at the screen and saw the words "M".
Oh.
Shit.
She wouldn't. That's just too harsh for the boys.
"Go for it, Sakura-chan!" I said, clapping her back.
"Alright!" she said. "Slowly, Naruto approached Sasuke on the bench and held out his hand! 'I'm always here for you, Sasuke-kun', the young man of 20 said! Sasuke looked at Naruto with tears in his eyes!" She was yelling pretty loud. How cruel.
The chirping stopped instantly and I saw that the replication of Naruto started to run for the hills. Oh, they knew. They knew what she was doing. They stared at Sakura in shock and didn't move for a few seconds.
"Suddenly, Sasuke ran into Naruto's arms, crying about all the events that happened throughout the years," Sakura louldy continued, "The pain the two lovers had to endure was too much for the young ANBU avenger to take! The so called demon man gave a small sigh and began to pat Sasuke's ba-"
"Stop it, Sakura-chan! I can't take it anymore!" Naruto said with .. tears streaming down his face?
I soon found Sasuke back at his chair, covering his ears with his hands. He looked a little miffed. Nartuo scrambled towards his own chair and eventually whapped Sasuke on the head.
"Look what you did!" Naruto yelled.
"Bastard..!"
"SOON ENOUGH, NARUTO PLACED HIS HAND UNDER SASUKE'S CHIN AND-"
"WE'RE HERE!" both young men said.
Five minutes later I found myself sipping tea with the lot as we resumed our interview. Kakashi was drinking water, Sakura was nibbling on carrot cake, and both Sasuke and Naruto popped in some tylenol.
"Anyway ... beside the NaruSasu issue," I said (both Naruto and Sasuke glared at each other and then looked at their feet when they saw both Kakashi and Sakura holding a 200 page copy of narusasu smut), "What do you guys think about the KakaSaku pairing?"
Hopefully Kakashi would support it. Then I'd have the ultimate proof to the show the possibility of this couple! It's not that bad of couple really, considering how much a jerk Sasuke's been in the series. It's getting pretty popular as well.
"Ugh! I hate that coupling! I'm only twleve and he's like twenty-six!" Sakura said.
"As long as the grammar is good, then I don't care," Kakashi said.
"Pedophile!" all three of his students yelled.
"Why are you such a pervert, Kakashi-sensei?" Naruto yelled with rage, shaking the bottle of tyenol.
"I can't believe you'd read fanfiction of you ... and .. Sakura. Together.."Sasuke said, shaking in this chair.
"I'm too young to date my own sensei!" Sakura said, pointing a finger at him. "Pervert! You read that kind of thing?"
"Well, that's why a decent amount of KakaSaku fanfiction is fixed on a setting where you're older and he's .. still 10+ years older, but you're not young enough for him to be called a pedophile," I replied.
Everyone turned their attention to me.
"Don't tell me you actually support them as a couple, liliduh," Sasuke said, rubbing his forhead.
"Oh?" said Kakashi with a raised eyebrow.
"You traitor! I find fiction with me as a gay, or as a frog, or as an actor, or some ghostbuster, or some kid who's failing highschool, and now I find that you support couples like them?" Naruto yelled in frustration. "What is your world coming to, you sick bastards! I bet you support NaruSasu as well!"
"Calm down Naruto! It's really not all that bad! The couples aren't the main problem of fanfiction! I don't support NaruSaku! Really! I go for straight couples!"
"Straight statutory rape couples, I bet." Sasuke said with glaring eyes. This is why I said some stories are based years later!
"That's why she said that some stories are based years later, Sasuke" said Kakashi, with a Saskura suprisingly nodding her head in agreement. Whoah. He read my
"No, I did not your mind," he said.
Oi vey. This was going to be a long interview.
TBC?
A/N: I know it lacks the comedy, but I got bored. Should I continue? Because this looks like crap. Btw, if I get any rants, don't worry. I'll bash myself with the next chapter if I continue, I swear. :O When writing this, I noticed how it almost sounds like I was bashing myself as a fanfiction writer, ironically. Because I used to do the same thing. So please don't get angry. This is just for kicks. I'm not trying to bash couples, k?