A/N: I don't even know, guys. This is so ###cliché### and angsty. But it's Kurtofsky, so… enjoy? #le shrug#
He curls in on himself. It's warm in this tight little ball, it's soft here in his bed, and behind his eyelids, it burns and it feels like the pressure of palms against his brain, pushing and pushing.
But there are only tears, salty and hot and soaking, dribbling languidly down over the bridge of his nose and along the side of his face, dripping into his hairline. He turns his face into his pillow, sniffling, his nose also too warm and feeling the pressure, and he has to breathe out hotly through his mouth if he wants to breathe at all, because his nose is too clogged up with tear drainage for him to even attempt to breathe through his nostrils.
How did he get here, again?
It's difficult to remember, especially when his head is so full of feeling and lacks any real thought.
He heart aches in his chest, something fierce he never thought he could feel. Never thought he would feel, because wasn't everything fine, before? Wasn't everything perfect and sweet and loving and blissful?
What happened to that?
"Oh…" he murmurs, almost groans, "Now I remember."
"Kurt," Blaine said softly, his hands cool as he placed them over his boyfriend's. "You know I care about you, right?"
"Yes, of course I know that," Kurt had smiled warmly. "Why? Something on your mind, Blaine?" he asked, because he needed to know, because something in the way Blaine's hands were shaking was frightening to Kurt.
Blaine exhaled shakily. "I… I didn't get accepted to the same college as you. I applied, but I didn't get in because there was a problem with them getting my ACT scores. But I applied to other places, and they got my scores, and… one of them is in California, Kurt. Nearly across the entire U.S. from New York. It's a school I've wanted to go to since I was in middle school. And they accepted me. And I'm going."
Kurt inhaled sharply. "So w-what – what does that mean, then? For us?" He said slowly, tears brimming his eyes. "Th-that we're – we're breaking up? Just like that?"
Blaine nodded sadly. "We have to, Kurt. We'll be too far away. And we'll meet people in college, and we might fall for someone else, and then we'd only be cheating on each other, and I don't want that. – You understand, right? You knew that we probably weren't going to be together for very long. I mean, I guess I knew. It was hard enough being long-distance-like between our schools, but this? We can't try it this way, Kurt. You know that."
"But… don't you love me? Isn't true love supposed to conquer all?" Kurt muttered a bit coldly, his hands releasing Blaine's and clenching into fists. Kurt was a romantic, and Blaine knew that. Kurt had ideals about first loves. Not crushes like Finn, but real loves. Kurt loved Blaine. As much as Kurt loves Burt, as far as quantity goes, even though the quality was far more intense since this was a romantic love, and Kurt was a romantic.
Blaine looked away then, his triangular eyebrows forming together and his lashes lowering as he glanced down at the ground, head turned half away from the other boy. "I did, Kurt. I did. But my ambitions are stronger, now. I'm sorry, I truly am. But we're not meant to be that." He turned back and smiled as best he could, but his eyes were watering, too, and Kurt finally let his own tears fall. "You'll find someone else, I know you will. You won't be single for long. People adore you, and you're so charming; more charming that I am. I have hopes for you." And with that, he stood, pecked a kiss on Kurt's forehead, his hand lightly brushing Kurt's ear, and then he was gone.
And Kurt's small world of nearly a year and a half fell apart.
So here he is now, even a week later, and summer vacation is just getting started. On the last few days of school, Kurt had been too out of it to say anything. At graduation, he laughed and smiled, but when he saw Blaine after the ceremony, he had fled home and wept. And he had wept for his friends that he'd be leaving, although he at least had Rachel and Mercedes. They were going to New York, too, thankfully.
But it's not the same. Nothing will be the same. Because, in high school, when you're with someone for about a year, it's difficult to get back to what you had before you were with them.
Suddenly, Kurt's thoughts are shattered by a knock at his bedroom door. He sits up, sniffles, and wipes his eyes. He knows that they look red and puffy and his irises are probably way too green. "Y-yeah? Who is it? Come in," he mutters.
His father enters and comes and sits down on the edge of his son's bed. "Hey, son," he says softly. He reaches out and touches Kurt's chin. "Been crying again? Why do you do that to yourself?"
Kurt shrugs, leaning away. "It was triggered by a dream this time. I dozed off while reading Entertainment Weekly and… he was in my dream."
"Oh," Burt mumbles, genuinely sad for his son. "Well," he says as he stands up and slides a hand under his hat to scratch an itch, "I think I have something that might cheer you up. Come downstairs; one of your friends came by to see you."
Kurt cocks his head, frowning. He slips out of his bed and tries to fix himself up at his vanity before heading downstairs. This house is familiar, now; but sometimes Kurt misses his old house. It was cramped, but it was full of memories. This house still smelled new and didn't have the same charms, even if it was far better decorated this time around (thanks to his and Carole's efforts).
Down in the living room, there's a guy standing and facing some of the photos on the wall, idly studying them. Kurt recognizes the build and hair from behind easily; it's Dave Karofsky.
The two of them, over the course of their senior year, have gotten closer. Close enough, at least, that Kurt was able to forgive, even if he couldn't forget. But he almost had to forgive, because Dave was relentless with continuing the "making things right" trend that Santana had started in the finals months of their junior year. Dave truly has turned over a new leaf with all of that, and joined Glee Club halfway through their senior year. And he's been to each and every PFFLAG meeting that Kurt initiated. And he's apologized so often when they were alone that at one point, Kurt finally caved in and said the magic words: I forgive you.
"Dave?" Kurt says, and the other teen turns around. There's the briefest of smiles on his face when he sees Kurt, but it seems to crumble and fall away like a too-dry sand castle on the beach.
"Kurt. Um, have you been crying or something?" he asks, pointing to Kurt's pink nose and puffy, too-green eyes. "What's wrong? I came by to see if you wanted to spontaneously see a movie with me and your stepbro, but…"
"A movie sounds great," Kurt says hastily, because he needs something to cheer him up and take his mind off of Blaine. "Where's Finn? We can get going now and just pick something when we get the theatre."
"Here I am!" Finn says in a chipper tone. "Let's get go–" But he cuts himself off when he reaches Kurt's side and notices that Kurt's face is blotchy. "Shoot! Is that why you've been locked in your room for the past hour?" He touches Kurt's arm, but Kurt shrugs it off and turns toward the front door, ignoring Dave's and Finn's concerned faces (Finn's looking lost about the situation but still worried, and Dave looking pissed and about to punch someone for making Kurt cry, and for what reason he'd be that way, Kurt doesn't want to think about it).
They drive mostly in silence, and in Dave's car, which is an old Chevy with a broken radio and one window that can't roll down any longer. Finn winds up doing some of the talking, but he makes sure to direct the conversation to neutral things and not bring up anything that could relate to Kurt's crying and his reasons for it.
By the time they reach the movie theatre, Dave and Finn are locked in an intense conversation regarding the Call of Duty series, one Kurt knows that Finn has been addicted to since the first ones for the Play Station 2 came out. They discuss the newest ones from the past year or so, and then their favorites out of the old ones, and launch into parts of the games' storylines and all of the weaponry and cheats.
Kurt is the first to get out of the car, but notes that Dave is the one to notice this and follow suit, not Finn. And Kurt notes that Dave is also the one to hold open the door for the three of them to walk into the building, but that Finn was the one who first sped up his walking to match Kurt's in the parking lot.
They go with an action movie, because actions movies usually have explosions and swearing and weaponry – good for the jocks – and some scrap of romance and/or witty writing for the soprano.
It winds up being a really good movie, but throughout the course of it, Kurt couldn't focus because he sat in between his stepbrother and his friend. And it's almost funny, because Dave is someone who Burt refused to even let be Kurt's friend until Kurt assured his father that Dave actually had changed and that Kurt forgave him, and only then did Burt agree to let bygones be bygones, because only when his son was truly fine with it did Burt even consider backing down and letting go of at least part of his grudge. Protective father bear, always.
But Kurt was distracted, because he thought he kept feeling Dave's fingers or the side of his hand brush Kurt's every so often where Kurt's hand dangled at the wrist from the armrest between them on Kurt's left side. And, well, he was also distracted by (even if he was used to it) Finn's murmurs and laughter on his right, because when Finn watches a movie, he's the obnoxious sort of person who gets far too engrossed in the story and characters and will mutter comments at parts he thought the characters were being foolish or laugh loudly at parts he thought were funny or say, "Come on, kiss her already!" to the screen.
And yet, somehow, the brief touches coming from the other person were worse, because Kurt isn't sure if these touches are on purpose or not, and he can't tell that if they are on purpose, if Dave is trying to make a move on him or not, because Dave still isn't Out and Kurt is still hung up on Blaine and Dave knows that.
Kurt clears his throat and shifts uncomfortably, and when the credits start rolling, Finn stands and stretches and comments about how the movie was awesome, but now he has to pee. So the three head out of the theatre, ad then it's just Dave and Kurt lingering outside of the men's room while they wait for Finn.
"What did you think of the movie?" Dave offers lightly, casually. His hands are in his pockets, and he isn't looking at Kurt fully, he seems to only be glancing over from time to time.
"I thought that the writing was surprisingly clever for an action film, and I liked the main heroine's acting. But the main hero could curse just a little less. I got tired of hearing the f-bomb fall from his lips, especially when he was so attractive. It took away from him," Kurt answers mildly as he checks his nails for any residue of the Junior Mints he consumed during the beginning half of the movie.
Dave nods, a smile on his face. "Heh, yeah. I figured you'd say something like that. But I disagree, man; there was nothing that could take away from him," he says lowly, carefully, so not to be overheard.
This actually makes Kurt smile, the first time in days. "I see you're a little more comfortable with yourself."
When Kurt glances over at the hockey/football jock to see his reaction to this, David is pink in the cheeks, and looking away. "Yeah, well. I couldn't sit there and keep lying to myself forever. Besides, a few things made me certain of it. I'm… sure, now. I'm sure about what's going on in my head, and what I want. And you know, Santana told me once that I'd be a late-in-life gay –" he said the g-word softly, in a small voice "– But I don't want to be that. It didn't sound right, and definitely not fair to whatever woman I married. So I decided a few things." He shrugs, and he still isn't looking Kurt in the eye. "Anyway, can we not talk about this? I just wanted to talk about the movie, not about me."
Kurt nods. "Of course. Sorry I mentioned it. But… I am a little proud of you. I never thought the day would come," and he smirks, but it drops as soon as he realizes how bitchy that had sounded.
David, to his credit, doesn't take it personally. He shrugs again, and at that very moment, Finn emerges from the bathroom. "I'm hungry. Do you guys wanna grab something to eat? There's a Culver's nearby, and a Wendy's. I know you don't like fast food that much, bro," he adds as he plops his arm down over Kurt's shoulders, "But I know how you like Rubens, and they have those at Culver's. So what d'ya guys say? Food?"
"I could definitely go for that," Dave agrees. "A burger sounds awesome."
"Great! Then let's go!" Finn says happily. Kurt simply nods. Food does sound inviting.
So the three of them trek over to the Culver's across the street, aiming to get back to Dave's car after they eat. No point in wasting gas for crossing the road.
Kurt orders a Ruben and steals some of Finn's chili cheese fries, and they split the cost for a turtle sundae out of the remaining money between them. They all grab spoons and eat it bite by bite until it's gone. Once or twice, Dave's spoon knocked into Kurt's and he apologized with a laugh. And once or twice, Finn got chocolate or caramel sauce on his nose and Dave and Kurt laughed as Finn crossed his eyes to try and see it, or used his tongue to try (and fail) to get it off.
For once, Kurt's mind is empty. He isn't thinking about Blaine or packing for/going off to college or anything else stressful. He's happy. And all it took was two other young men in his life to help him be that way again.
By the end of the evening, Kurt feels better enough to say with a sigh, "…So I suppose you two are wondering why I was crying earlier today."
"Yeah, I was kinda worried about that, man," Finn says softly. They're walking back to Dave's car as this conversation comes around.
"It was Blaine and college again. I keep thinking about how he dumped me, and how I don't want to pack up and leave even though, at the same time, getting out of Lima is all I want to do. It's confusing," Kurt says with a sigh. "And I keep wondering who I'll see now that high school is over; I don't want to leave some of my friends. The only two I know who I'll see are Rachel and Mercedes."
"…And me," Dave mutters.
Kurt looks at him. "Come again?"
Dave shrugs a shoulder and stuffs his hands into his pockets again, and Kurt can hear him fiddling with his car keys in there. "It's a big school, and they offer a lot of programs. I'm going there to become a cop."
"…A police officer? Really? I mean… you?" Kurt says disbelievingly.
Finn, however, is more impressed. "Dude! That's so cool! Are you gonna stay in New York and be on the NYPD, then? That'd be amazing. You'd be a badass cop," Finn grins, bubbly about the idea.
Dave smiles. "Yeah, exactly my plan. I liked busting people when I was on the Bully Whips, even if I hated the uniform Santana forced on me. But a blue police officer's uniform I could totally rock and feel awesome in. Plus, it's kind of a power trip, you know? Bustin' heads for the law?"
"Yeah, it would be," Finn agrees. "So cool. I didn't realize that there was a program like that at the school Kurt's going to, since the theatre and music departments there are also big. But I think Kurt's actually going there for design, right? Clothes or houses or something?"
Kurt smiles slightly. "Yes, I'm fulfilling my duty of being a stereotypical gay by going to school for design. And I was thinking more along the lines of clothes and shoes, Finn. I have plenty of ideas. But I can't draw very well, so I'm going to learn some art. But I'm also going to try out for a few musicals after I graduate; no sense in wasting my incredible voice."
They reach the car, now, and Dave unlocks it for them. Back on the road, they carry on the conversation about colleges, but Kurt is leaving out the detail of Blaine. And David knows this.
"Kurt, I thought you said you were upset about your ex, too. How come you aren't willing to talk about that?" Dave challenges.
Finn frowns. "Hey, don't go there, dude. What if he isn't comfortable with that? I mean, would you want me to mention your break-up with Santana after dating her for, like, a year, too?"
The other jock doesn't so much as flinch. "I wouldn't care, because it was a mutual agreement between us. But what about you and Blaine, Kurt? You never told anyone anything other than the fact that you two split. What gives?"
And it's precisely this sort of firm way of facing the truth that Kurt admittedly needed, but definitely doesn't want. He sucks in air. "I… Well, he and I are going to separate colleges, even though I thought we weren't. And he told me that – that long-distance wouldn't work, so… So he ended it. There, end of story. Nothing special, even if…"
"Even if you thought it was special," Dave murmurs, and Finn glances back from the front seat to give his brother a sorry look. Finn gets that pretty well, because that's how Rachel felt, but not how Finn felt, and it ultimately ruined things.
"Yes," Kurt whispers, but he isn't about to cry again, oddly enough. He thought he might; but no, being in the presence of these two is helping him cope, somehow. "Exactly."
"You truly loved him, so it wounded you," Dave says again, his voice carefully masked in front of Finn. But with a startling skip of his heart's beats, Kurt thinks he knows that Dave is trying to say, and he isn't sure his heart can handle it.
"Yes," Kurt says again, in an even softer voice this time. Finn reaches back and touches Kurt's arm in comfort, promising to be all ears later if Kurt needs him.
But Kurt shakes his head. "No, it's fine. I'll get over it in time. It hurts right now, but it'll go away soon enough. I'm just being a drama queen," and he forces a smile at this. "Anyway, since the radio's broken, do you guys want to sing instead? Three Glee Club members in the same vehicle with no other music around should mean some singing."
Knowing that music is what could help heal Kurt, Dave is the first to start in song. He sings something easy that they all know: Bohemian Rhapsody. Finn is idly reminded of Regionals their sophomore year, and how this song was just starting as Vocal Adrenaline sang it, and how it was echoing as they left to help Quinn have her baby at the hospital nearby.
They sing all the way home, Kurt taking most of the high parts, and Dave and Finn trying to harmonize with him. They sound great together, naturally, and it helps raise Kurt's spirits since it's such a fun song to sing.
By the time they're done, they're back at the Hummel-Hudson home. "Well, I'll see you two later," Dave murmurs, looking just a hair disappointed in the fact that he has to leave.
Kurt stops halfway out of the truck and turns back. "Why don't you come inside? Maybe spend the night? I'm sure my father won't care. You can have the couch in the upstairs entertainment room. It folds out into a bed." And this is the first time he has ever offered for Dave to spend the night, even though both Finn and Kurt have been friends with him for a while now.
Dave blinks in surprise, but soon grins and nods, turning off his car and following the stepbrothers. "Sure. I'll just call my parents to let them know that I'm not coming home until tomorrow. They don't give a shit, as long as I'm not out getting myself arrested." And they laugh at that, because why would someone whose goal is to be a police officer even consider breaking the law and getting arrested?
It isn't after a marathon round of the three of them playing Rock Band on the PS3 in the entertainment room – Finn on drums, Dave on bass, and of course Kurt on vocals, mainly choosing songs within his range – that they decide to finally go to bed.
"Kurt? Can I talk to you for a second?" Dave calls out as Finn and Kurt leave the room. Finn shrug and smiles, heading off to the bathroom to brush his teeth. Kurt was about to do his nightly facial routine, but it can wait a few more minutes.
"Sure. What is it?" Kurt asks as he closes the door and helps David unfold the bed and put sheets onto it. He goes into the closet in the room (it was meant to be an extra bedroom as far as the house's design is concerned) and pulls out a comforter and some pillows. While he helps make the bed, he waits for an answer, but none is coming yet, so he pries, "You seem hesitant. Is something wrong? You're not uncomfortable being here, are you?"
"What? No, that's not it. Your house is great, and I know that your dad doesn't mind me now. That's not what I wanted to talk about," he says with a huff, finishing casing a pillow in a sheet and plopping down onto the bed. He sets the pillow aside, and as Kurt finishes the other, he, too, sits down. Dave runs a hand over his forehead and sighs again. "Kurt," he addresses solidly, turning to look at the other boy, "I can see it on your face. You're never letting him go, are you? Did he really matter that much? He was just one guy…"
Kurt instantly frowns. He stands up. "You don't know what you're talking about, David. Now if that's all you wanted to say, then I bid you good night." And he turns to leave. He can't believe the nerve of his so-called friend! How dare he –
"Now wait a second!" Dave says with a raised voice, but not too loud, nothing to alert the others of the household. He pushes himself up and reaches out to catch Kurt by the wrist before he reaches the door. "I'm only sayin' it 'cause I worry about you! I mean, you're my friend, right? Don't I have a say in your troubles sometimes? If Mercedes or Rachel or Tina said the same thing, you'd listen to them, wouldn't you?"
Kurt doesn't answer. He doesn't even look Dave in the eye.
Dave scowls, tightening his grip slightly. With conviction, he repeats, "Wouldn't you?"
Kurt breaks Dave's grip and turns about face to stare him down. "Yes, I would, because they would be gentle about it! Have you no tact? If you want to talk to me about my woeful boy problems, then please, don't do it when I know you have more than friendly feelings for me!"
That was a low blow, and Kurt knows it.
Dave's lips part, and his face blanks. He blinks, licks his lips, closes them, and sets his jaw. He launches right into it: "You're right. I probably don't have a say for that reason. But you know what, Kurt? That doesn't even factor into things when you're just miserable because you refuse to let go. It's hard, I know, but you need to believe me when I say that one of these days, you're gonna find a guy who you'll love even more intensely than Blaine, a guy who will love you even deeper and longer than he had, and a guy who will treat you right and never leave you, because he would apply to the same college over and over just to get in because he knew you were going there, and he will be the sort of guy who would do anything for you for as many years as you were with him. So don't give up or some shit now just because you're a little miffed and hurt by one guy, one fling, one time. High school romances don't last anyway, so just move on."
Kurt crosses his arms, folding them neatly over the expanse of his chest. He locks his own jaw and returns defiantly, "What, you mean a guy like you? Is that supposed to be you that you're describing, saying that I should be with you now?"
Dave looks pained, his face contorting into a wince. His eyes flicker away, lashes fluttering as if blinking back tears. "No," he chokes out. He clears his throat, and a little clearer, he restates, "No, that isn't supposed to be me. The college bit admittedly was, as an example, but I honestly don't see you ever going for me, Kurt. I know that. I'm being realistic here: that guy isn't me, but he wasn't Blaine, either. So you need to cheer up and start looking forward to college, because for someone like you who has so many things come naturally to you, it's going to be a blast. And I want you to enjoy it, not mope around for a while about your first love. 'Cause I dunno if you've noticed, but most people who stay together and get married aren't first loves, so you have nothing to be depressed about."
It's a bit harsh, a bit painful, a bit like a slap in the face. But it's heartfelt and yes, realistic, and Kurt accepts that. He nods once, twice, and blinks back his own tears, because it's hard to take, but he accepts it. It's true, and Dave really is only trying to help.
"Thank you," Kurt murmurs, and he isn't ready for a new relationship by any means, but he can tell that Dave is here for him. He can see it in the way Dave smiles reassuringly and steps forward, bringing his arms around Kurt and closing the distance between their chests. Kurt returns the hug and buries his face into David's warmth, oddly grateful for the other boy. Muffled and teary, he says into Dave's shirt, "I didn't want to hear that, but I needed to. I needed to know that 'there are other fish in the sea.' I just… loved him so much, Dave. For a while… he was everything."
"I know, Kurt," Dave whispers brokenly, "Believe me, I know."
It's the shorter brunet's turn to wince. He raises his chin to rest on Dave's shoulder, his hands moving down to the middle of Dave's back. "I wish you didn't. It's probably the worst feeling in the world. And it feels even worse when I know I'm the cause of that pain in someone else. It's cruel, you know. I'm cruel. And you are, too, for letting me know."
"I'm sorry," David says with a bitter chuckle, pulling away to look Kurt in the face. He touches his cheek for a passing second as he peers into those glasz eyes. "I can't help myself. It just happened."
'It just happened.' Yes, in a matter of speaking, love does that: it just happens at one point, and no one can stop it. It's like trying to stop a train from falling off a mountainside; unless you're superhuman, the train is going to keep chugging on to its doom. Unless you're super-strong and can fly, that train is going to crash and burn, and there is nothing you can do about it. And love feels like that sometimes: a train wreck, ugly and brutal and powerful and burning and intense. And that sort of love can be so detrimental that some people literally cannot take it. And it can even kill some people, metaphorically (or literally, if you're part of a Shakespearian tragedy).
Kurt's gaze searches David's for a moment where they stand facing one another, their arms at their sides. Kurt leans in, just slightly, but it's enough.
Dave's lips crush onto Kurt's, his hands flying to grasp Kurt's shoulders. Kurt's own hands tangle themselves in Dave's hair, and he surrenders into the kiss. This is the second time he's ever kissed Dave Karofsky, and it's the first time it's been on decent terms between them, and it's also the first time that Kurt has returned it, so in a funny, ironic way, this is like their first kiss. Which is fitting, because also by Fate's horribly ironic design, Dave Karofsky is the first boy Kurt's ever kissed anyway.
Tongues meet, and Kurt can't help but sigh through his nose in a contented way. He isn't sure that he wants this – the kiss he wants, true, but the meaning behind the kiss is too close to dating again, and Kurt isn't ready for that, not within two-or-so weeks after being dumped – but he can't stop himself. It feels so good to be warm and lip-locked with another human being again, and Dave still tastes a bit like Coke, and Kurt can't get enough of the strong, supportive feeling of Dave's hands on his shoulders and his back, bringing him perpetually closer, and he can't get enough of the feeling of being wanted and loved again.
When they finally part, Kurt is panting and David looks dreamy-eyed, as if he can't believe what just happened but it makes him more blissful that anything else despite his disbelief. And those eyes are warm, too, and hazel but very green, and yet still so brown, and full of all sorts of emotions that Kurt isn't sure he wants to sort out or learn of just yet.
"Kurt…" Dave breathes, and before he can say anything more, Kurt touches his fingertips to Dave's lips.
Lowering his hand again, Kurt shakes his head. Looking at his hands, he explains softly, "I can't do this. It – it's too soon. But… I don't…" He trails off, nibbling on his bottom lip.
"I think I understand," Dave murmurs, and he sounds a little offended and a lot disappointed, but he also sounds like he comprehends what Kurt is trying to say (and can't). And he also sounds like he's willing to do anything not to get on Kurt's bad side, anything to remain in Kurt's good graces enough to be able to kiss him again some other time in the future.
Kurt nods minutely, and glances up. He impulsively reaches out, fingers curled lightly, his heart drumming, and takes Dave's hand. He gives it a squeeze, glances down at their hands – Kurt's so small and pale in comparison to Dave's rough, large hands – and feels his heart tug. His breath catches in his throat, and he bites down on his lip again, holding it there between his teeth.
This is difficult. He doesn't know what to do with this. Because Dave isn't Out, doesn't want to be yet, and probably isn't ready for a relationship with a guy, either. And yet Dave is so blatantly in love with Kurt, and Kurt doesn't even know how he feels.
He only knows that he doesn't want to lose Dave, not by a long shot. Yet if he messes up, or makes a mistake right here and now, he might lose some piece of Dave or some piece of their friendship that he can never get back.
"I don't know what to do," he explains truthfully.
"And me kissing you doesn't help," Dave sighs, but their hands are still joined, and that means something. David inhales shakily and looks into Kurt's eyes as he says slowly, "But you don't have to do anything. I never expected you to. And look this is just… well, it's just one moment. We're still friends, I'm still going to see you in college here and there on campus, and who knows, maybe we'll have some of our general education classes together? – But anyway, um, what I'm saying here is that I'm here if you need me, and always here if you want me, but I won't 'wait for you' because that's pressure you don't need and that isn't my style. So whatever this moment is… I'll remember how you want me to. As a comfort-thing, or as a couple-thing; it doesn't matter to me."
It doesn't matter, Kurt knows, because Dave is simply content that he got a second kiss that was returned. He didn't need to say so, because Kurt knows that this is what's being left unsaid.
The soprano nods and drops his grip on Dave's warm hand. "Comfort. Because it did comfort me. You comforted me," he clarifies. He looks up and smiles gently. "So thank you, I suppose. I…" But he doesn't know what else to say, so he stops there. Instead, he leans up, closes his eyes, and plants another soft kiss on Dave's lips, and then murmurs 'good night' again. And this time when he makes to leave the room, Dave doesn't stop him.