A/N: I've been writing up Halloween-themed one shots and drabbles for Soul Eater and Attack on Titan, so although this isn't very Halloween-ish, L's still in it and it is his birthday. Hope you enjoy this sorta crack…thing. Happy Halloween and a happy birthday to L. :)
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As Likely As
The usual day in the task force was underway, complete with the eerie cloud of momentary silence that would settle for at least one hour every day. They were busying themselves looking over stacks of files and computer screens and snapping at Matsuda for whatever reasons (sometimes they just wanted to break the silence). They'd sighed so many times in frustration it had started becoming a contest on who could sound the most irate. And to top it off, the thought of one last candy or cupcake was nauseating.
It was unfortunate they all felt the same way: Bored and defeated. Surprisingly enough, that included L, though granted it was only a sliver of boredom, not defeat.
Which is why, when Light raised an arm and gave a sudden sneeze into the elbow of his jacket, L turned creepily in his chair and stated calmly, "Fourty-four percent."
Light looked momentarily bewildered, then realized what the sugar addict meant and inquired, "Fourty-four percent? As in, the chances of me being Kira just went up because I sneezed?"
"It wasn't that you sneezed," L murmured, prodding at the frosting on his half eaten piece of cake. "It's how you sneezed. Matsuda could sneeze, that wouldn't make him Kira."
Light leaned back in his chair and tried crossing his arms challengingly but gave up when the end result was him tugging pathetically at the handcuffs that restricted him. Instead, he scoffed and asked, "In what way did I sneeze that it strengthened your belief I'm Kira?"
L stuck a frosting tipped finger in his mouth, chewing thoughtfully on his fingernail . "Well, for starters, it sounded like the words 'I will kill you' were laid into that sneeze."
Light looked indignant, laughing gently before arguing, "Come on, Ryuzaki. There's no way I could've fit the words, or even the thought, 'I will kill you' into a one syllable sneeze like that. How did you dissect that from a sneeze, anyway? And did I even get a 'bless you, Light' for it?"
The wide-eyed detective considered it before returning to poking at his slice of cake once more. "Fine, then. It was a malicious sneeze."
The speechless teen reeled back, opening his mouth before clamping it shut again. "Okay," he murmured slowly, eyebrow twitching in annoyance. "How does a sneeze sound malicious?"
"The words and thought, 'I will kill-'"
"I know that already!" Light interrupted impatiently, rubbing his temple in irritation. "Okay, malicious sneeze with the phrase 'I will kill you' behind it. That's the only evidence you have? I think you're grasping at straws now."
"I am eighty-seven percent sure I'm not just grasping at straws, and I actually believe that sneeze was key evidence in the Kira case."
Light smirked and rolled his eyes, muttering sarcastically, "Would you like Matsuda to record it for you? Maybe if you slow it down, you might find a whole 'I am Kira' declaration that you missed."
L frowned, and Light briefly wondered if he was considering it, when Soichiro spoke, "Light, please don't say you're Kira, even if it's a joke."
"I know, Dad. I'm sorry," Light replied, bowing his head. "But you don't agree with, Ryuzaki, right?"
"It sounded like a regular sneeze to me," Matsuda spoke up, timidly raising his hand. "I just think Ryuzaki's been working too hard."
"I would say you've been working too hard, and that's why you didn't hear anything malicious about it, but I know that's rather unbelievable..." L mumbled, shoving a fork full of cake into his mouth while Matsuda released a depressed sigh.
"Okay, like I said before, Ryuzaki, you're just grasping at straws. We're kind of stuck on the case, so you're doing whatever you can to throw evidence out there, no matter how bizarre." Light explained, looking around at everyone else, who would give a nod of agreement here and there. "Come on, the chances of me being Kira are as likely as..." He trailed off, trying to think of the right comparison and finished with, "As likely as discovering some mysterious, unexplainable thong in a hedge somewhere. It's completely outrageous and no one really expects it to happen."
Aizawa's head rose up from the papers he'd been studying, looking mystified at Light's analogy, and even L's eyebrows came down from under his long bangs to aid in his expression of confusion as he blinked a couple of times.
Light threw his hands up in defeat, exclaiming, "Okay, not the best metaphor, but it was the first thing that came to mind."
"No, no, you just happened to choose something that is quite possible," L mused softly, his eyebrows already having retreated back under his bangs, leaving his countenance blank as ever.
"Yeah, but as I said, no one really counts on it to happen," Light argued, leaning back in his seat with a long sigh. "It'd be weird and kind of disturbing."
"Where as you being Kira sounds reasonable and right on the mark," L murmured in resignation, finishing up the last of his cake.
Light rolled his eyes, no longer wanting to argue with the bored detective. The quiet lull returned over the task force and was only broken when L glanced at Light and said, "Oh, I almost forgot. Bless you, Light."
Light resisted the urge to sneeze out 'you irritating bastard'.
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AutumnMobile12 and I have joked about this before, so I finally decided to put it in a story. As for Light's whole finding a mysterious thong in a hedge somewhere, that is based off a real life experience. My friends and I were a little disturbed...
Anyway, reviews are always welcome! ^^