Disclaimer: I don't own Doctor Who.
(While this is mocking self insert fics, not all self inserts are horrible)
What would really happen if you met the Doctor? If you saw the inside of the TARDIS and saw creatures from other worlds? Would you rise above the terrors? Would you become a hero? Save the Doctor? See the universe? Actually, I think it would go something like this (well it may be a little exaggerated for the sake of the story. :p):
Sue Smith was a major Whovian. Doctor Who was all she ever thought about. She loved the characters, the villains, the TARDIS and, of course, the Doctor.
One day Sue was crying over Doomsday (again) in her small New York apartment when she heard a faint bang! crash! Followed by the sounds of screams.
Curious as to what was going on Sue dried her fangirl tears and turned on the news to see what was happening. Nothing. Odd. Her curiosity at an all-time high, Sue got in her car and drove toward the direction of the noise, after all, that's what the Doctor would do. He wouldn't just sit in his house waiting for something to show up on the news.
On the way there Sue saw something on a street corner that made her heart stop. On the instinct of a fangirl she slammed on the brakes, almost causing an accident. She pulled over and got out of the car.
No, no, no, no, no! she thought, It can't be! But it was! Sitting on the street corner, was in fact a beautiful blue police box. It could just be any police box, Sue tried to tell herself.
Suddenly a tall thin man in a brown coat ran out of the door of the police box. Sue felt her heart stop. Again. It was the Doctor!
With a determined expression on her face, Sue ran off after him. She was not going to let the Doctor get away! Once she had almost caught up to him something occurred to her. If the Doctor's real that means everything is real! Oh my gosh! Have I killed a Silence before? Am I a murderer?! Wait! That means all those crazy nutters with so-called alien sighting were right! What is the Doctor chasing now? Tenth Doctor, no companion in sight . . . maybe before Smith and Jones? Or at the beginning of Partners in Crime? Or during some off screen adventure? Wait! How do the writers know about all of this stuff?
Out of the blue the Doctor ducked and a ball of fire came hurtling towards him. Sue screamed as the source of the fire ball, a huge, eight foot tall purple alien with two heads walked out of an alley. The creature, the thing started shouting at the Doctor in an alien language before beginning to fire randomly. Sue shrieked again before running back to her car through the panicking crowed.
This wasn't how it was supposed to be! The Doctor was supposed to save everyone, not let the alien start shooting people with his enormous gun! She paused for a moment to see what the Doctor was doing.
"Stop it!" he was shouting with an angry glare and Sue was almost tempted to run back. He was sooo good looking. "You don't have to do this!" he exclaimed. "I can take you to another world, a place where you can live in peace . . . just stop," he ordered calmly.
The creature laughed evilly and Sue shook her head. Right, car. She dove into her car and started it up. She started driving, but quickly realized the creature was right ahead of her! He was coming closer! Terrified, Sue once tried to once again hit the brakes, but instead accelerated and rammed into the creature, who fell over with a thud. Sue saw black.
Sue regained consciousness a few minutes later. She paused. By some miracle, she seemed unhurt. Good. Then the event leading up to this wreck came rushing back to her. She was a murderer! She killed the purple alien thing! What was the Doctor going to say?! He was going to be sooooooo mad!
She quickly got out of the car and ran over to where the Doctor was inspecting the fallen creature. "I'm so sorry!" she exclaimed nervously, "I'd meant to hit the brakes, I swear! I didn't want to kill him! I shouldn't have come, and then maybe none of this would have happened! I'm so sorry!" she babbled, hoping the Oncoming Storm would become the Going Away Storm, just this once, because she really didn't want the angry Time Lord ruining her life with, like, six words, or something.
The Doctor looked at her oddly. "Killed? At his size? I don't think so," he said, smirking at the alien's giant figure. "You could have been killed yourself, you know," he observed, "and yet you're just thinking about him, even though he was trying to kill you."
That actually wasn't why she was so nervous at all, but she wasn't going to correct him. "Oh, uh, well, thanks, I guess," she stuttered. The Doctor looked at her once again. "Does he scare you?" he asked. Sue glanced down at the collapsed heap of two headed purple alien. To be honest, he had seemed rather scary, but now he was just sort of harmless looking. Sue shook her head and the Doctor grinned. "I'm the Doctor, and you are?"
Sue just about fainted.
"I'm Sue Smith," she was able to get out. Hopefully without looking like an idiot.
"So Sue Smith, what do you think of it?" he asked quizzically, "Aliens, and space monsters, and life beyond your cozy little world?"
Sue thought quickly. "It's amazing," she answered with just a small hesitation, thinking of all the amazing planets the Doctor takes his companions.
The Doctor remained silent for a moment before speaking, as if he were considering something.
"Just wait here," he said quickly, "I'm going to go get my . . . transport, a little blue box, to . . . transport this fellow. Just wait here," he repeated. Sue nodded in confusion and it took a couple of seconds to register that the Doctor had been referring to the TARDIS. Not for the first time today Sue felt like fainting.
Sue waited for a few minutes, standing next to the purple alien, who to her horror, was starting to stir. Just as she was considering leaving she heard the familiar vworp, sound and Sue fainted as the TARDIS materialized around her.