This was a request by HotWaffles (Katrina). Based on Breaking Benjamin's "Anthem of the Angels". Dedicated to two very good people who died far too young, but nevertheless are alive in my heart.

Mal's death sentence came at the beginning of march. People started to think something was wrong several months before that. When Mal, after Maria's resignation, was promoted to Captain. When he didn't say anything about missing field work. When he didn't mind simply sitting at a desk, not being out there with the others. On occasion he would go out to look at a crime scene, or pick up a lower-profile suspect. But mainly he seemed more docile, more tired. There were days where Mal wouldn't come to work at all, and on those days Ken replaced him. Natara always called on those days, but when she asked what was wrong
Mal simply brushed off her questions, changing the subject. Mal wasn't home when Natara came to check on him, but still persisted to know where he went. He feigned deafness whenever she asked in person, but she still asked. It became frustrating as March winded down, this took away one less month Mal had left.

It was the middle of March when Mal realized what he was doing. No one knew he was dying, should he tell them? He knew as time wore down if would be harder and harder to say something, so shouldn't he do it now and get it over with? He almost did, it was close. Mal was sitting in his office with Natara, eating the Chinese takeout they had just gotten. Mal had reached for one of the containers, his jacket revealing his wrist briefly as he reached forward.

"What's that?" Natara asked, pointing at a small bruise on Mal's wrist.
Mal snapped his wrist back as if he had been shocked. He almost told her. Almost told her everything, but he didn't.

"I smacked my hand on a door" Mal said quickly, the pre-prepared response he had thought of earlier. The rest if their lunch break was normal. It reminded Mal of when he was well enough to do field work, when Natara was still his partner. It was those times, that made him remember he was not yet lost. The times when they would sit like that, eating Chinese in the warm sunlight that came from the windows in Mal's office. Or staying up late to watch a movie at Mal's apartment, but end up talking throughout the whole thing in the TV-lit room. Those nights that made it harder to break Natara's heart and tell her what was going on. But he couldn't tell her, couldn't stand to see the look on her face. To let her watch as he withered away. But how could he hide it from her? Sure, he didn't take the chemotherapy since it would only lengthen his life by a month or two, so he wouldn't have to worry about losing his hair. But how could he explain how he would get sick all the time, since his immune system was practically shutting down? Or suddenly loosing a lot of weight like he had been warned about? No, there was only one way. He had to leave. He had to leave the laughing Natara basking in the sunlight of his office, give up the late-night talking in the dark Tv-lit room. But there was no reason to leave before he had to, right? As soon as she started noticing, that's when he would go. As for where, that he didn't know.

It was around the end of March when the idea hit Mal. When he was gone, what would Natara think? He was already making plans with his sister to live there for a while, but when he left she would surely be angry and confused. Shouldn't he have some sort of explanation? No one else would be able to explain his actions, so shouldn't he write something? Maybe give it to his sister to give to Natara? Either way, he knew he had to do something. As he went home one day, he decided it was about time to maybe pack some boxes. No point in denying it, it was something he had to be done. He had a ton of old stuff in his closet, and it sounded as good as a place as any to start. He opened it, flicking on a small and dusty light bulb that hung from the ceiling. Everything had a layer of dust on it, and the shelves above had three boxes laying haphazardly across. Mal randomly selected one, grabbing it and heading out to his living room. Mainly, it was things he obtained when his mother died. A few old photo albums were on top, which got thrown to the side as soon an Mal touched them. Next an old baseball signed by some long gotten player. Then a picture frame with him and his sister at his graduation. He threw that on top of the picture frames, making a mental note to give them to her when he saw her next. Next was a book, bound in leather with no title. Curious to what it was, Mal flipped through the pages to find it blank. Then he remembered, his mother had gotten this for him. Just after his dad had been arrested, she said it was to 'write down his feelings'. Mal had thrown it in the trash numerous times, only to find it magically re-appearing in his room. There was a pen stuck in a gap in the binding, and out of pure curiosity Mal took it out and scribbled in the corner of the first page to see if it still worked. After a minute something clicked. He could explain what he was doing, right here, right now. He could say whatever he wanted, almost write to her even if she wouldn't see it for months in the future. He glanced at the clock, why not start now? This is what he wrote.

Dear Nat,

I'm sorry I can't tell you in person. But I have cancer, and it's terminal. Acute Myelogenous Leukemia to be precise, but either way I only have a few months to live, not nearly enough time. I don't want you to know, I don't want you so see me whither away. So, very soon, I will be leaving. So yes, I'm hiding. Of course when you read this you'll probably hate my guts, since I decided it's in our best interest I make a clear break, but I hope you can understand. If I break it off quickly now, it's like ripping off a bandage. It might hurt now, but know that I was sparing you the worst of it. I really hope, if not now, you can understand.

-Mal

Mal looked over what he wrote, fairly satisfied with it. Replacing the pen in the loose binding, Mal threw the book on top of the picture frames and went to bed.

Okay, I have a question (Oryt, if your reading this I know you probably know since you're a freaking CoD encyclopedia. That's not a bad thing by the way). But anyways, does anyone know Mal's sisters name, just for future reference? Or if her name's not mentioned at all and I have to think of something random? Thanks,
-A