The Untold Story of the Big Bad Wolf
Once upon a time, there lived a two wolves. One was named Big Bad, and the other was named Intellectual and she was a female wolf. They were siblings. They had not eaten anything for the past week, and they were very, very hungry. Once they heard that not only one, but THREE little pigs have moved into their neighborhood, they were excited. Very excited indeed.
Intellectual came up with a plan. She was very smart, thus her name, and she could invent anything. She decided to plant bombs under two of the pig's flimsy houses, and pretend that it was Big Bad who was blowing the house down. Because, seriously, there is no way a wolf's breath would be able to blow a HOUSE down.
Intellectual worked all day long on the bombs. When she was finally finished, she stole away into the night placed the bombs around the pig's house. The next day, when her brother Big Bad sauntered over to the little straw house and knocked on the door, she started the countdown. Big Bad actually took a huge breath and blew on the house, just when the countdown finished. The result was marvelous. Bits of straw flew everywhere, but during the confusion, the pig actually ran away to his brother's slightly-stronger-but not-really little twig house.
Big Bad facepalmed, but his sister comforted him by saying, "It's ok. I thought ahead (as always) and also put a few bombs around his house."
Big Bad was happy and he hugged his sister. Then they went off to the second pig's twig house. Intellectual started the countdown, and as her brother blew, bits of twig flew everywhere. Amidst the confusion, the two little pigs ran away to their brother's very strong brick house.
Big Bad thought that Intellectual had also planted a few bombs there, when she had not. She had thought that her plan would've worked on the first two houses, so she didn't make any bombs for the third pig. That is why Big Bad ran to the third little pig's house before his sister could stop him.
"Oh great." She muttered before chasing after her brother.
Big Bad stood in front of the cozy little looking brick house. "Come out, come out, wherever you are!"
"Not by the beard's of our chinny chin chins!" The pigs replied.
"I think you're doing it wrong." said the wolf.
"Oh. Right." said the pigs.
"Whatever I'm gonna eat you now." said the wolf."
"YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO SAY THAT!" said the three little pigs.
So the wolf huffed and puffed and blew the house down. Just like that. Without his sister's bomb. Intellectual arrived just in time to see the brick house deconstructing.
"Well, what do you know, a wolf's blow really can blow a house down." She noted, surprised. The three little pigs, now left with nowhere to go, huddled together in a corner.
"Please don't eat us!" they begged.
"No way am I going to let you guys go!" said Big Bad. So he ate one, and Intellectual also ate one. They were very satisfied and let the first little pig go free. The first little pig was so scarred by this experience that he wrote a book about his experience. However, he was so mentally scarred and traumatized that he forgot all about the female wolf and continued to think that he and his brother's survived and lived happily ever after.
The End.