I recently re-watched series 1 - 3 of Ballykissangel, and sobbed my way through the end of The Reckoning and Amongst Friends. Stephen Tompkinson's performance as the bereaved Father Peter Clifford is just devastating. I find Assumpta's death and the aftermath so jarring in the context of the rest of the series, I've never been able to make peace with it. I don't know if any other ending was ever considered, only that Dervla Kirwan was bored with the role and wanted to move on. It is only television, and tragic deaths do happen all the time in reality and fiction. This one didn't feel earned though, and I think the majority of the audience probably felt cheated. I have already written one AU fanfic as an alternative ending to series 3, and then I got the idea for this one. This story begins from the point after Father Peter Clifford makes the telephone call to Assumpta Fitzgerald, and after he meets her by the river Angel, during The Reckoning. The events thereafter, including Assumpta's death and Peter leaving the village, play out only in his mind. I hope it isn't too confusing, or too much like the Dallas 'Bobby Ewing in the shower' storyline. This fanfic will use some scenarios and lines of dialogue from Amongst Friends, but I do not own anything related to Ballykissangel. Please leave a review and let me know what you think, thank you - Mrs P.
The Spirit and the Flesh
1. In a Broken Dream
The sound of the ambulance siren sent everyone rushing out into the street for a glimpse of whatever drama was unfolding. Ballykissangel was a sleepy village most of the time, and a visit from the emergency services was a rare event.
"Where's it going to?"
Padraig called out to Brendan as he was the first out of the door at Fitzgerald's, and being tall, he commanded the best view.
"I dunno, could be St. Joseph's," the school teacher said.
Oh God, what if it's for Father Mac? Assumpta felt a twinge of guilt for her old adversary. The shock of Peter declaring his intention to leave the priesthood might have been too much for him. He was a sly old goat though, and she found it hard to believe it would come as that much of a surprise to him. He was certainly in no ignorance of his curate's feelings for her. If anything, she reasoned, he had probably keeled over to make Peter feel even guiltier than he already did.
"I think it's definitely gone up to the church," Brendan said as he set off towards St. Joseph's, taking Padraig and Siobhan with him.
Assumpta stood in the pub doorway and contemplated heading up the hill. If Father Mac had been taken ill, then she was the last person he'd want to see. She hesitated, despite her longing to see Peter again, and judged it best not to add to the drama. There was still plenty of preparation to be done for the Chinese food fair, and so she got back to it. The sound of hurried footsteps outside halted her progress as Brendan burst into the bar gasping from the exertion to deliver his news.
"Assumpta, it's Peter, Kathleen Hendley said he collapsed by the altar and he's hit his head on the way down."
He paused to try and get his breath back but his friend had already rushed past him to get to the church.
Her heart was pounding with fear as she ran up the hill towards St. Joseph's. He had to be alright, she reasoned. Nothing could happen to him, not now, not ever. She arrived in time to see Peter being stretchered out towards the ambulance. He was pale and his eyes were open but they looked glassy. He didn't seem to be fully aware of his surroundings. There was blood in his hair, from what looked to be a small head wound. Father Mac was standing guard and didn't attempt to hide his disgust at her emotional behaviour.
"What happened? Is he going to be alright?" Assumpta tried to get to Peter's side, but the paramedics blocked her way as they loaded him onto the ambulance.
"I'm going with him," she declared, not caring who heard her.
She could have sworn he was whimpering her name and she tried again to get closer to him.
Father Mac's face was like thunder as he moved to block her access.
"May I remind you that Father Clifford is still an ordained priest," he sternly whispered.
"I know it doesn't matter to you, but I can assure you that it matters to him. Think of what it would look like, and you a married woman. I shall accompany him to the hospital."
Assumpta's concern for Peter outweighed her anger, and for his sake she didn't want to cause a scene. She decided she would just get in her van and follow the ambulance. Father MacAnally couldn't stop her doing that, nor could he keep her away from the man she loved forever. Assumpta realised she hadn't even told Peter how much he meant to her, and she intended to put that right.
She saw Brendan standing by the church gates and rushed over to him.
"I need you, Padraig and Siobhan to look after the pub for me, please," she begged.
"How's Peter?" He inquired with deep concern.
"They won't tell me anything, and I have to get to the hospital. I know it's a lot to ask, with the food fair and everything, but I really need your help," Assumpta looked into Brendan's eyes and hoped he would understand without the need for further explanation.
He had long suspected a special bond between the publican and the priest, and now he could see her love for him written all over her face. He gave a nod of his head and she threw her arms around him for a quick hug of gratitude.
They hastily made their way back to Fitzgerald's and she ran inside for the keys to the van. Padraig and Siobhan followed her inside as they fretted about Peter. Kathleen had reported hearing him muttering about losing Assumpta in his semi-conscious state, and they weren't sure what to make of it.
"Are you sure going to the hospital is wise? Father Mac won't like it," Brendan cautioned.
He had waited outside to talk to her privately before she left.
"He can go to hell," Assumpta said as she drove away.
Assumpta got held up by sheep on the road to Cilldargan. The ambulance had long since disappeared from her view, and she struggled to keep to the speed limits for fear of attracting attention from the Guards. She was frantic with worry by the time she finally got to the hospital. The staff were less than helpful and she couldn't get any information as to where Peter had been taken. Assumpta slumped down on an empty chair and let out a heavy sigh. He had finally admitted his feelings for her, and then this had happened. She wondered if he would think God had struck him down for declaring his love for a married woman.
"You couldn't stay away, could you?" Father Mac angrily inquired.
His sudden appearance and sharp tone made her jump out of her seat.
"Where's Peter? Is he alright?" She desperately looked around for any sign of him.
"The doctors are doing tests, but it appears he collapsed from nervous exhaustion, or some such. He hit his head and has a concussion, so he's not making much sense at present. Mind you, the way things have been lately, it would be hard to tell the difference," he sneered.
"I want to see him," Assumpta demanded.
"Haven't you done enough damage? The man's just lost his mother, he's in a vulnerable state, and you couldn't wait to sink your claws into him, could you?" Father Mac refused to hide his contempt.
She slapped his face before she could think better of it.
He put his hand to his cheek and fixed her with a withering look.
"All of this is your doing, Assumpta Fitzgerald, you have been the ruin of him. Father Clifford was a good priest and you are willing to destroy everything he's worked so hard for. All you can offer him is an adulterous relationship and, one presumes, an eventual civil wedding. If you don't intend to live in sin forever, that is. Although, your relationship will always be sinful in the eyes of the Catholic Church. He might choose you over his vocation, but your lives will be forever tainted," he warned.
She was seething with rage, but after already raising her hand to a priest, she refused to let her temper get the better of her again. His words had shaken her more than she cared to admit, and she wouldn't give him the satisfaction of letting him see their effect.
"I'll give Peter your best regards when he wakes up, will I?" Assumpta said with sarcasm as she walked away and left Father Mac standing alone in the corridor.
She continued onwards in a directionless manner as she still had no idea where to go.
"Can I help you?" A friendly looking nurse inquired.
"Oh God, I hope so, I'm looking for Peter Clifford," Assumpta explained.
The nurse went over to her desk and leafed through some paperwork.
"Would that be Father Clifford? Are you a relation?" She asked, her friendly facade turning to suspicion.
"I'm a… friend. Is he alright? Can I see him?" Assumpta was growing increasingly desperate.
The nurse looked uncertain, but she wasn't without compassion.
"Father Clifford is resting now, and we'll need to keep an eye on him overnight due to the mild concussion he's suffered." she explained as she referred to his chart.
"I'll tell him you were here and asking after him, when he wakes up," she promised.
Assumpta had no intention of leaving without seeing him. It was a delicate situation though, and after her altercation with Father Mac, she didn't want to cause any more trouble for Peter. She reluctantly decided it would be best to go back home and return to the hospital first thing the next morning. The nurse assured her he was resting comfortably, and Assumpta scribbled a quick note for him, in case he woke up and wondered why she wasn't there. She recalled him mentioning his recent lack of sleep, and that coupled with the loss of his mother, not to mention all the stress over his decision to leave the priesthood, it was no wonder he'd buckled under the strain.
I love you, Peter, and soon we'll be together forever, she silently vowed, and then set off back to Ballykissangel.
Peter thrashed around in his sleep and tears were streaming down his cheeks.
He had lost everything and now he was walking away from the place he'd called home for the last three years. Assumpta was gone forever and there was nothing left to stay for, only memories and regret. He would never forget that image of her, laying on the cold stone floor, her face pale and her body still.
Why did you leave me? He sobbed.
I wanted you to be my wife, the mother of my children, my lover and companion forever and ever, amen.
He kept walking over hills and through valleys, in pursuit of the always elusive horizon. He felt untethered and adrift, with no destination to call home.
Assumpta…
Peter's eyes flickered open, and he began to slowly recover his senses. The first thing he became aware of was his sore throbbing head, and the second was confusion at his surroundings.
The nurse came in to check on him, as she'd heard him call out in his sleep.
"Ah, Father Clifford, you're back with us then?" She smiled as she checked his pulse.
"Where am I? I… I don't understand," he stuttered.
"Don't you remember what happened yesterday evening, Father? You collapsed in the church and banged your head when you fell. Father MacAnally explained how you'd only just returned to work after losing your mother, maybe you went back too soon?" She questioned.
Peter couldn't quite comprehend what the nurse was saying, it made no sense to him. He had been on the road after turning his back on Ballykissangel forever, hadn't he? How could he have collapsed in the church? His head hurt too much to try and piece it all together. He let his thoughts drift back to the woman who'd occupied his conscious and unconscious mind for the last few years.
"Assumpta…" he whimpered.
"Would that be Assumpta Fitzgerald?" The nurse questioned.
He nodded in bewilderment as tears streaked down his cheeks.
"She came in to ask after you while you were sleeping. She left this for you," the nurse handed him a folded piece of paper.
Peter's eyes were wide with shock as he shakily reached out and took the note.
"Try to get some more rest," she said, leaving him alone.
He let out a sob as he stared at the paper in his hand. He reasoned he had to be dreaming still, what other explanation could there be? He carefully unfolded the note and glanced over the hastily scribbled words on the page. It was her handwriting, and he read it again and again, all the time wishing it was real.
Peter, I didn't want the first time I said this to you to be on paper. But at least this way you've got written evidence, should you ever need it. I love you so very much. I hope you sleep well, and I'll come and see you in the morning. Love forever, Assumpta.
He stumbled out of bed and went in search of a telephone. He ignored the nurse's protests and found what he was looking for. He dialled the number and waited in high anxiety for the ringing tone to be answered.
"Fitzgerald's..."
Peter let out a strangled sob and slumped to the floor.