"One, two three, four, five," you count to ten, looking at the woman in the hospital bed.
Many annoying times of counting to ten (the whole time your head is saying, "Just walk out." but you don't have the heart anymore.) and a few hours later, she sighs with relief, her tear stained face red and showing signs of happiness.
"Ok, do you want to know the gender?" The doctor asks.
"That's a stupid question. She'll find out sooner or later." You quip, just to remain a little bit like yourself.
She looks at you with a tint of annoyance in her (you think beautiful) eyes. But secretly she's glad that she didn't completely change you.
"It's a ..." ("Stupid dramatic effect" you think) "Girl!" You wanted her to have a boy, but you don't mind. It's not yours anyways. But she's putting your name on the birth certificate. Just so that the little one will have someone to look up to, some she could call 'daddy' with pride. But you know that the baby girl wouldn't like you. "But," you think, "I could be wrong."
The doctor determines the baby is healthy, measures her and weighs her, "Eight pounds seven ounces." You nearly smile. "Twenty four inches." The mother cries.
The baby is put into her arms, both mother and daughter crying, and you smile. They look so much alike, but so different.
"What is it's name?" You ask her, carefully staring into the baby's cloudy blue eyes.
She studies the round face of the nearly content newborn and says to you "Amanda. Amanda Michelle."
"She does look like an Amanda," you think. And you're right. Already you feel for the baby and her mother. "Can I.." you trail off, partially because you don't want to seem like a wimpy man, soft, and partially because you don't really know what to say next.
She nods at you, reluctantly giving you the bundle of blanket and baby. "There's more blanket here than baby." you tell her.
She chuckles and watches you push your cane off of your lap, replacing it with the baby. "Isn't she beautiful?" She asks you, not really expecting an answer.
But you give her one. "Yeah, she's really..." Dare you say it? "cute." She smiles at you and the baby gets fussy. You hand 'Amanda' back and grab your cane.
Because she put you as the father, ("Her first big lie," you think proudly) Amanda gets both last names. You wonder why she did that, but you shrug it off.
Before you leave to get back to work she says something, "Amanda Michelle Cameron-House." You turn your head. "I like it." you both say at the same time. She understands you now, she got to your core and softened you up. Now you're just what she wanted.
Walking down the Princeton Plainsboro hallways, you say to yourself "That's what I wanted too."