Title: Chronicles of Boredom

Authors: Cindy and Sandy

Rating: PG-13

Story 1-Vacuuming Ladybugs

Disclaimer: You can barely count this as a story, but we clearly don't own anything here except the marvelous plot and the sex appeal spray. If you steal that, we'll sue your asses.

A/N: We started writing this in the summer of our 7th grade year and we are now freshmen in college. If you want a good laugh, read this, because it sucks ass. You will only like this if you like twisted, retarded comedy. Read it, bastard. Bear with us in the first story. It sucks hardcore. The second is better. All the stories are connected too.

August 6th

Tuesday

8:23 am

Sitting in office

Mulder: I'm bored. What should we do?

Scully: I have no clue.

Mulder: It's not a case, Scully. There aren't any clues.

Scully: I have a cure for our boredom…

Mulder: ((looks interested)) What?

Scully: A LOVE QUIZ!

Mulder: A love quiz!

Scully: Yes, and I have one in my YM magazine ((pulls out magazine))

Mulder: Oh brother.

Scully: First question, what part of your body would you say people like about you? A) ears, B) toes, C) neck, or D) eyes?

Mulder: Mine's not on there.

Scully: You have to pick one…

Mulder: Why?

Scully: Are you two years old?

Mulder: No.

Scully: Then pick one.

Mulder: You go first.

Scully: You.

Mulder: You.

Scully: Fine! I'd say...

Mulder:((cough)) eyes ((cough))

Scully: Eyes ((glares))

Mulder: There, you said it. Mine is ears because I keep them squeaky clean. ((rubs ears. squeak, squeak))

Doggett:((appears)) Can I play?

Mulder and Scully: NO!

Doggett:((runs away crying and goes to Skinner))

Scully: Anyway. Next question. How many close friends do you have of the opposite sex? A) 0, B) 1-5, C) 5-10, D) 10. Um...B) I have 2

Mulder: Um, how do you get just two? I have lots. Over ten. Does Doggett count as one?

Scully: No.

Mulder: It's still over ten.

Scully: Next. A day after the date ends the person usually A) Calls you, B) Sends flowers, C) Ignores you completely, D) Ends up making you breakfast

Mulder: Hmmm I'd say—

Scully: I get to go first, moron. I'd say C.

Mulder: Why C?

Scully: You're way too protective of me, Mulder.

Mulder: I say D.

Scully: That's what I figured. What kind of gum do you chew? A) sugar free extra, B) Big Red, C) Dentyne Ice, D) Chiclets. Mine is A.

Mulder: Sugar free extra! That's so boring! Oh, no wait! Nevermind, that fits you.

Scully:((gives the look))

Mulder: I say C.

Scully: Do you check out members of the same sex? A) Never (what do you take me for? A pervert?), B) Yes (of course, I'm gay), C) No (I'm blind), D) Yes (but just to compare their body to mine (and I'm jealous)). I say D.

Mulder:...((stares with mouth open))

Scully: What?

Mulder:((fly flies in Mulder's mouth and he chokes on it)) WHAT ARE YOU? A PERVERT?

Skinner:((runs in)) I heard that! ((runs out))

Scully: Are you gonna answer the question or what?

Mulder: A! I'm not a pervert...Some of the time...

Scully: Next question. What type of movies do you watch? A) Romance, B) Sci-Fi/Horror, C) Comedy, D) I don't watch movies! I'm blind! I told you that in the last question!

Mulder: Horror? I'm too scared to watch horror, but I like sci-fi, so...B.

Scully: NOOO! YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO ANSWER YET! I choose A...

Mulder: Figures...

Scully: NEXT question. Do you believe in love at first sight? A) Yes, I believe everything, B) No, that's for babies, C) Yes, right now I have 2.5 million crushes, D) I'M BLIND, ALREADY! Mines B...

Mulder: Mines A! I BELIEVE!

Scully: Everything.

Mulder: Huh?

Scully: Nothing, next question: where are you ticklish? A) Everywhere, B) Armpits, C) Knees/Feet, D) I'm not...Mines C.

Mulder: I prefer not to release that information...

Scully: You have too!

Mulder:((unwillingly)) But I might regret it later.

Scully: You want me to tickle you and find out NOW?

Mulder: NOOOOO! A.

Scully: Really? Next question! Are you kind to blind people? A) No, and apparently YM magazine wasn't either, B) Yes, I'm perfect, C) Yes, because I steal their dogs and they force me to, D) HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU PEOPLE! I AM BLIND! Mines B.

Mulder: You're far from it. Mine's C.

Scully: I heard that. Next. What's your favorite season to check out the opposite sex? A) Summer-every guy/girl is half nakie, B) Fall-guys/girls clash nicely against the falling leaves, C) Spring-because guys/girls look so cute playing with little bunny wabbits, D) Winter-cuz guys/girls like to snuggle wif me. Mine's D.

Mulder: A, A, A, go A!

Scully: How well do you get along with your co-workers? A) good, we is all friends, B) Not at all, everyone's my boss, C) Quite well, I'm sleeping with some of them, D) I'm blind, what, are you blind? I don't work! I say A.

Mulder: Really? I'd say...C.

Scully: What! Who!

Mulder: Is that any of your business?

Scully: Yes, you're my best friend.

Mulder: Really? I'm touched. But no...

Scully: Fine, you're not my friend at ALL!

Mulder: Really? I'm too...WAIT A SECOND! No...

Scully: FINE! Let's just look at our results...I'm in the lowest category.

Mulder: HA!

Scully: ...Romance Retard-you don't understand love, you have never loved anyone, and no one has ever loved you. No one will probably ever love you. You're really boring! Get your act together. Get some tips from a pro...Someone in the middle category, Loverbug, or the high category, Romance Royalty.

Mulder: Wow, sorry Scully. What category am I in?

Scully: I don't want to tell you...you'll rub it in my face...

Mulder: This is the only quiz I've ever aced!

Scully: Surprise, surprise.

—That night—

((Scully is vacuuming ladybugs from her apartment. She doesn't hear the knock on the door, the key turning the bolt, or the opening))

Mulder: Scully...What are you doing?

Scully:((Pulls vacuum behind back)) Nothing.

Mulder: YOU WERE VACUUMING LADYBUGS!

Scully:((panics)) No?

Mulder: Yes. ((falls over laughing))

—1/2 an hour later—

Mulder:((gasping for breath. Holds up hand)) OK. OK. Maybe I can breathe now... ((stands up and sees her holding the vacuum and starts laughing again))

Scully: Stop it. ((goes and puts vacuum cleaner away))

Mulder:((continues to laugh))

Scully: SHUT THE F-CK UP!

Mulder:((stops)) Sorry I caught you in your dirty habit, but don't take it out on me!

Scully: Go away! Jeeze!

Mulder: Fine! It's not my fault! You're always doing stupid things you don't want me to know about!

Scully: Like what?

Mulder: Like visiting dirty websites on the internet.

Scully: Well...but...I...um...so...How'd you know?

Mulder: Doggett tells me after he checks them out.

Scully: Aren't you man enough to check them out yourself?

Mulder: No! I'm not WOMAN enough!

Scully: Go home little boy!

Mulder: I'm older than you! And I'm leaving!

Scully: Good!

Mulder: Good!

((door slams))

—Next day—

((Scully walks in office and glares at Mulder))

Scully:...

Mulder:...

((Scully makes HOT coffee and ACCIDENTLY walks over to Mulder's desk and INTENTIONALLY spills it on his pants))

Scully:((sarcastically)) Oops...My bad.

Mulder:((pulls out extra pants)) I was prepared for that...

Scully:((grabs Mulder's coffee and pours it on his clean pants))

Mulder: I wasn't prepared for that...Maybe we need a truce. I don't have any clean pants.

Scully: And that was the last cup of coffee. ((sits on his desk)) Truce?

Mulder: Truce!

((They sit there for a few minutes in ceiling silence))

Scully: There's a ladybug on the ceiling...

Mulder: I know, I've been fighting the temptation to get the vacuum cleaner out.

((she attempts to slap him))

((He grabs her arm and pulls her to the floor))

—END—