Memories or Pain?
Disclaimer: I don't own anything at all. I got this idea while reading some other angst fanfics; I know it hits a lot of readers close to home.
The wind was giving her goose bumps but she didn't care. She didn't really care about anything anymore. The sharp knock on her door brought her from her reverie.
"Hermione? Are you in there?" It was Ginny's voice.
She was always in her room; where else did she have to go? Ginny came into the room and sat down beside her friend.
"It's okay to move on you know."
A long time ago, Hermione would've blocked the pain that she now felt. A long time ago, she would've laughed at girls in her position. She would've called them ditzy, helpless, and bird-brained. But now… now she knew pain. Voldemort's Avada Kadavra would've been a blessed release to her. But she didn't cry. She wouldn't cry.
"He didn't know her," Hermione said softly. "How can he know me his whole life and never see? He knew her for three months…" her voice trialed off.
Have you ever loved someone more than you love yourself? Hermione was dying to ask Ginny, but she knew the answer. She knew that Ginny had never felt the pain of losing the one person that she cared about more than anything in the entire world. She knew that few people had.
"Would you rather have never loved him at all?" Ginny asked.
Hermione turned to her. "Yes," she said simply. "He has given me so many memories," she sighed and felt the sobs start to bubble up. She repressed them. "But he has given me too much pain."
"Do you have to choose though? Can't you be happy with the memories that he did give you? And try to forget the pain?" Ginny asked.
"How do you forget constant pain?" Hermione offered a sad smile. "If I had to choose… Memories or pain? Which would I give up? I don't know. I honestly don't know." The space between the two girls was only a few inches but to Hermione, there was a world between them. She would always feel alone, from now until she died. And she knew it.
"I loved him more than he will ever love her." Her voice broke. "And he never even knew it. He could not even see what was in front of him." A single tear rolled down her cheek. "Or maybe he just didn't want me." Ginny made to touch Hermione, but she quickly stood and walked toward the offending window.
"Hermione… he never meant to hurt you."
"Maybe not. But he broke me. He broke the unbreakable heart." Hermione's laugh was bitter. She did not try to mask her pain. Let the whole world know that she ached. Let the whole world know that she never slept or went one full hour without thinking of the man who had stolen her heart.
"I never even told him. He even cheated me of saying it out loud." Her hand touched the latch of the window but she made no move to close it.
"Do you hate him?" Ginny asked quietly.
Hermione shrugged. "My stomach is in knots and my heart hurts when I breathe. My head aches and I long for death." She paused. "But I don't hate him. How could I hate him?"
"He never meant to hurt you," Ginny repeated.
"Funny how our worst mistakes can be accidents," Hermione said. "But he shouldn't worry really, he's won this game. He got his girl and he wasn't hurt at all."
"How can you say that, Hermione? You make him long for death! It makes him miserable just to see your red eyes and vacant stares. He knows you are upset."
"He longs for death? Somehow I doubt it. His new little wife should keep him happy."
"Hermione, he does love you. Just in a different way that you love him," Ginny tried to help.
Hermione's laugh was cold. "You think I don't know that? It only makes it worse. He cares for me… Oh yes… And he loves me, but he will never be in love with me." Hermione gave in to the pain that she had long felt. She gave in to her heart and let the sobs rack her body. Why did she care? Let the whole world know that she ached. Let the whole world know that she never slept or went one full hour without thinking of the man that had stolen her heart. Let the whole world know that she had loved Harry James Potter more than anything in the world… and he had loved someone else.
A/N: We all know what it is like to love someone that doesn't care for us. This is for you guys. And a little for me too.