The accomplished, talented and jellyfish-brained man took a double take. He was confused. This was normal.
Well, that was normal, him being confused. But the situation wasn't. No, not so normal at all. What had happened to Xellos?
See, this was why he shouldn't leave Lina's side. Didn't his friend realize that whenever they split up, even temporarily, crazy things happened? The last time he'd been forced to chase pink dragons with some old people and Amelia while Lina chased around a pink with Zel.
Although Lina probably didn't know and wouldn't have expected him to, Gourry still remembered that incident. It hadn't happened too long ago and the experience he'd been through had been so weird he didn't entirely forget it. Never had he felt so off-footed.
For once in his life, he'd seemed to have been the sanest, most knowledgeable, owner of the most common sense, and most confused-as-hell person in an entire town.
Plus, he still had questions about that pig. And imagining Lina in that little girlish blue dress (Zel had told him about the outfit late at night, after Lina had fallen asleep. Gourry had made him. Down to the exact color of the stockings and every fold and wrinkle and frill.), never failed to make him smile and mentally go 'Awww'.
No, they really shouldn't ever split up.
He took a few steps backward, ignoring the people he knocked over.
Was it Xellos? No, maybe. It looked like Xellos…a relative perhaps?
The blond wondered if he should say something. If it was Xellos, then no big deal, right? The thought that it might not be Xellos and that the person might be insulted being compared to a man never crossed his mind.
Politely, he tapped the woman (or was it?) on the shoulder. She turned, expression calm. The merchant she'd been talking to let out a sigh of relief.
Gourry let out little gasp. "When did you become a woman?"
The woman looked at first as confused as the swordsman had moments earlier, then amused.
"Excuse me?" It didn't sound like Xellos, but…that hair…
He gestured towards her chest. "Where did those come from?"
The humor was beginning to die in her face. It reminded Gourry of Lina.
"It's just that, the last time we saw you, you were you know…a guy."
"I think you might be mistaken sir." She turned back to the pale and sweating merchant.
"No, isn't that you Xellos?"
"No, I assure you it is not." Underneath her long bangs, a smile and a glint appeared. Both the glint and the smile were like daggers that were waiting and begging to be whetted with blood. Gourry however possessed a trait that Lina would have gladly killed for. Somehow, the glint and smile that had sent dragons running away, sweating and pledging to never kidnap another princess again and to turn vegetarian, didn't affect the tall blond man.
Instead of fleeing, screaming at the top of his lungs, Gourry returned the smile, his considerable more cheerful. Unlike Luna's, this one would have, in fact, had a few times, sent dragon to their knees, wondering where Gourry had been their entire life and if he tasted as good as he looked. It was the one that, although he was oblivious to, (oh sure, his mother said he had a sweet smile and a handsome face, but mother's said that stuff.) had left a bunch of broken hearts across the continent and even further. The charming one that made Lina fight to control herself from grabbing and kissing him and then belting him across the ocean for making her do that.
The wind ruffled his long hair back, and the swordsman enjoyed the sensation. It had been a hot day and even in the relative shade of the marketplace, it was a place where you just wanted to lay down with a block of ice and never move again. Not as much as it was in Saillune, but it was still quite warm.
The woman took in Gourry appearance, eyeing first his nice sword, then his actual body. She felt a smile grow on her pale face. It had been too long since she'd faced a challenge.
The merchant slipped away into a nearby alley and was gladly beaten up and robbed by some robbers Lina had missed. At least he thought, laying there bleeding into a pile of garbage and unmentionables, I escaped from that terrible woman. The bandits had taken the money he'd had that day. The woman had wanted to take that and multiply it by the rest of his life.
Gourry continued to look her over. He shrugged. "Sorry, ma'am. I guess I had you confused with someone else."
"Obviously." The pale woman crossed her arms across her chest, amused and more unsettled by his calmness than any of the man's rude comments and open stares. Ma'am. She didn't think anyone had called her that without her scaring it into them since the age of six or so.
Who was this young man?
Maybe he was just so stupid—No, the smile-glint had worked on babies and puppies before. On jellyfish that had dared to come near her when she'd been swimming in the ocean.
Perhaps he possessed some odd thing that allowed him to exist outside the normal laws of reality?
The tall swordsman scratched his head, and looked a bit embarrassed.
"I didn't mean to bother you ma'am. Lina sometimes says my tongue is split in two or something." He gave a little laugh while the purple-haired woman mentally corrected him about the forked tongue saying. Then his words, the name, whacked her in the head.
Lina. Lina. Lina.
A sinister, pleased, hopefully, utterly malicious smile grew on her face. Gourry continued to smile and spent a second adjusting his armor while the woman looked at him in a way that only Lina had when she would put him in a dress.
Lina.
It can't be. It might be. I bet only one of Lina's companions would be able to stand the smile-glint. Was he her companion? A list grew in her mind.
Friend: No way of really knowing yet. He said Lina's name pleasantly, so 'friend' seemed most likely.
Lover: He was a fine, attractive gentlemen, although she had expected more from Lina than just to fall for a pretty face. But…he had withstood one of her smiles…and the sword at his hip looked to be fine quality. She could tell from just looking at him that he was a decent swordsman. A good, fancy expensive sword that he knew how to wield and probably meant that he had money.
Hmmm, good for Lina then. She might not have completely screwed up then.
Husband: No ring. Yet.
Enemy: He spoke of Lina fondly though. Still, Lina had a huge list of enemies.
All of the above: Maybe. It was Lina.
Well, maybe.
"Lina you say?" She began in a casual voice. Already, a thousand and twelve excuses and explanations popped into her head if he asked why she wanted to hear about Lina. Maybe she could even tell him the truth, which she knew a Lina and wanted to know if it was the same one.
"Yeah, Lina…how-did-that-go-again…Um, Lina Inverse, sorceress…explosion? Extinguisher? Something like that."
Luna smiled. Indeed.
"Really, the Lina Inverse?
"Um, I think so. I hope she's the only one." Gourry laughed pleasantly and then the woman laughed as well.
This man really was something. And it was something good too. Maybe he was entirely there upstairs, but Lina wouldn't let someone completely stupid and/or insane travel with her. Probably not, anyway.
Already, millions of words, thoughts, phrases, and things in general popped into her head. Oh, this was such a fine day. She couldn't remember being this happy and satisfied in a long time.
Lina licked her Popsicle, happily unaware that the Gods and Mazoku had settle for a moment in the Sea of Chaos to come together, sit on a comfy couch, eat the popcorn Lord of Nightmares had popped for them, and laugh at her.
She looked around the marketplace, content for the first time in a long time that things were going well. No craziness to deal with, a relaxing vacation in a nice town with lots of great things to eat and a surprising amount of various magic shops around. If this was a dream, Lina didn't want to wake up.
The only thing that could make things better was if Zel and Amelia were with her (well, at least traveling with her; every girl needs some privacy after all) and she'd discovered a cure for Zel (and who knew, she just might in one of those magic stores!), then Zel and Amelia could declare their love for each other, run off to get married and live happily after while Lina made cracks about their wedding night. Hell, they'd be so grateful they would name their first born after her and give her some nice tax-free prime real estate in Saillune. And then treat her to a big dinner.
Oh, and maybe discover some stupid, naïve merchants that didn't know a good deal for themselves if it whacked them in the groin. Already she'd run into some great deals and managed to finagle a few fine treats from some happy then not-so-happy salesmen.
Who knew, maybe when she returned back to the inn, she'd discover a Naked-except-for-some-chocolate-whipped-cream-cherries-cameral-butterscotch-honey-Dragon Cuisine-Gourry laying in her bed…
Lina stumbled, dropped her Popsicle with a cursed aimed at her best friend, and nearly ran into a pillar, then a wall, then a cart, then some innocent pedestrians. She maneuvered her way around the street, looking for another ice-cream cart and hoping the blush on her face wasn't too apparent.
No, that might…okay, maybe…nice…muscular and blonde…chocolate with a cherry on top of...
And then the image of Gourry spraying whipped cream on his 'rippled pecks,' a phrase she'd read from one of Amelia's romance novels, (not that she read that trash. She had just accidentally picked it up and had glanced through it. Totally innocently.), popped into her head and she ran into another cart.
Luckily, it was an ice-cream cart, so she wasn't too angry.
On this day, anything could happen. She could feel it in the pleasant tingling in her fingers that was not unlike magic.
She lapped at the cone in her hand, walking away from the crying, now-poorer server, without a glance back. And just like the romance novel(s) she may or may not have glanced through (she admitted nothing and it wasn't anyone's business what she read, and never mind if she'd teased Amelia about her reading interests because that was Amelia and not her), there was nothing wrong with eating this ice cream cone. So what if it was chocolate, had cherries, whipped cream, and was cameral and butter scotched drizzled. She'd had a craving for that stuff that was all. And it the cone was dragon shaped, so be it.
Really and truly and honestly, if the sprinkles were a bit…phallic shaped…then that was the sprinkle makers fault. And all the nuts pilled on top…well, it wasn't really ice cream without a bit of nut.
Lina Inverse was not a pervert. Nor was she sexually repressed. Just hungry.
"Lina?" said a polite voice.
Lina, turned, expected some distance acquaintance coming to thank her for some good deed done a while back. Or someone that wanted revenge.
Luna stood behind her.
Time stopped and so did Lina's heart temporarily. Too frightened and shocked to even think about running, she stood locked-still. Every muscle tensed and screamed. Nerves and tendons howled. Blood froze and icebergs gently scraped against each other in her heart. She couldn't even find the strength to breathe, and black flowers of unconsciousness blossomed in her eyes.
What clothes Luna was doing here, why and how she was there didn't matter. All that mattered was that she was smiling. Smiling. Smiling.
Suddenly, ever muscle weakened and Lina's knees began to shake. Oxygen, too much of it entered her lungs and she huffed it out in a moaning whistle. Only the hand holding her ice cream remained still and unaffected.
Vaguely, from a distance say between Saillune and the end of the universe, she wondered when the last time she'd even sent a letter home was. And how long had it been since she'd left.
"Hello, dear Lina."
"Hey, Lina, this lady says she knows you!" Gourry grinned at her, as though the world was an alright place and reality hadn't crashed and died. In her heart of hearts, she damned him a thousands slow deaths, and enjoyed how handsome he looked when smiling.
The black flowers grew to bouquets. Then a garden sprouted.
Lina, faced with her biggest fear, did what most would do in the same situation.
She dropped her cone. Then she fainted.