I pressed my fingers together while I waited for the other students to leave, it was a matter of life or death to talk to Sensei alone. He saw me waiting in the back and pretended to be looking at something on the training prop. At last everyone but sensei and me had left and I walked up to him. "Excuse me, Sasuke-sensei, could I have a word with you?" I managed to say though quietly.
"Sure, what is it?" he said his expression not changing.
"I need help…." My voice trailed off.
"With?" he pushed gently, my voice failed my as I opened my mouth to speak. Swallowing I tried to talk again, words failed me. Sasuke-sensei raised his eyebrow, in a desperate attempt to tell him I pulled up my sleeve. His eyes widened when he saw the self-inflicted scars decorating my forearms, the crisscrossed and streaked all over the place, reminders of what I was trying to stop.
"Help me, please, I can't stop," I said as tear came to my eyes. He looked at me with concern in his eyes.
With a weak smile he nodded, "I'll try to help you as best as I can, please tell me how this started," he said with kindness and he pointed to a freestanding chair in front of his "desk", if you could call it that. I took a deep breath and started to tell him everything…
"It all started when I was practicing a few months back, I wasn't being careful and I accidentally cut myself….."
I watched as the bright red blood oozed out slowly from the clean cut I had made across my arm and smiled at it, the color was so pretty that I was memorized. It took me awhile to realize that I should probably take care of it, it took me even longer to actually do anything. I bandaged it quickly the continued practicing, I didn't have to worry about anyone wondering how I had gotten hurt since I live by myself. I started becoming more curious about why it felt good to cut myself and if it felt different when I cut myself different ways so I would use different weapons…. once I even tried to use a needle.
It didn't strike me as dangerous as long as I made sure I didn't lose too much blood, it certainly didn't strike me as addictive. For some reason I just had to keep causing myself to bleed, I even tried cutting in different areas, ones that weren't seen as much, but it just didn't feel the same. I still don't know why I even wanted to cut, I had always thought I had control over it, that I could stop when ever I wanted to. I soon found out it wasn't like that, I started to get dizzy when ever I didn't cut myself so I started cutting myself on 'accident' during training then bandaging it up by myself so no one else would see my scars. I kinda knew that you were getting suspicious about why I was so clumsy with my knives all of a sudden.
I started to realize that it would be dangerous to continue, my body started to get weaker, my mind less focused; if I was in a battle with my comrades I wouldn't be able to focus enough to be able to fight with them, it could even result in all of our deaths. I tried to stop but I would become fidgety and restless, I was also irritable to everyone around me. Finally I couldn't take it anymore and started to draw those pretty red lines again. I really still didn't know why I didn't have the will power to control my urges, usually I can. I started to drift away from everyone else, cutting was my only friend and I only pretended to interact with the others. Even my fighting came second, becoming a ninja is the reason I'm living!
Cutting became a way for me to feel alive, but it was becoming a monster, I couldn't control when I cut; I HAD to cut when ever the monster told me too. When ever I couldn't cut I became sick and short tempered, in other words, I was a anti-social junkie BITCH.
"I really want to stop this Sasuke-sensei, please help me overcome the tyrant by the name of Cut," I said tears streaming down myface as I looked up into my teachers face. He was kind looking, a small smile was on his face.
"I'm glad that you want to stop, I'm not sure how to help you accept to support you and teach you a trick. I was taught this by someone else I knew, it helps you from cutting yourself during training," he said with a smirk, "If you start getting the urge to cut, surround your body in chakra and repeat ot yourself that your skin is harder then rock and cannot be damaged. Then condense your chakra so that it turns into a sort of shield, it should help somewhat. If you need more help, please, talk to me."
I looked at him, "How can you be so sure that I'll have the will power to try that trick?" I said doubtful.
"You don't strike me as a quitter, so try not to prove me wrong," he said placing his hand on my shoulder. "Now, when you go home, place all you weapons around you, place chakra around each one so that it shocks you when you touch them, then sit with them for a few minutes without cutting, when you start feeling comfortable with your weapons for a certain amount of time, lengthen the time you spend the time with them."
I nodded, "Thank you Sensei," I said bowing and walking out of the room.
He saved my life that day, if I had continued to cut, I would have lost all reason to be alive and possably killed myself or gotten someone else killed.