Chapter 1

She thought she had grown out of this feeling. She remembered how it felt to fall in love as a teenager, and how it could be completely overwhelming. She remembered how it felt when she fell in love with her husband, during those first few months. How sweet the memory of that feeling. After fifteen years together, and a couple kids, that intoxicating feeling had gone a little numb, yet there was a peace about her world that she loved.

Passion would revive itself every so often, in between the children's sports, or issues with the home, or life. But that "falling" feeling… well, she thought that was a distant memory. And how happy she had been to know that her life was so comfortable and secure. She didn't need, or even really want, that kind of feeling anymore. If it happened again with her husband, that would be a gift, but she was surely not going to invest her heart, or her time, elsewhere. She had those great experiences of falling in love. And now had settled into love, which may not be as exciting all the time, but was definitely real and sustainable. Real and sustainable is what she had always wanted, and was all that she thought she needed.

And yet, here she sat, on this night. In a different city, on a different coast. Sitting at dinner with a man she had only met a few times before. He was funny and easy going. He was different than other men she had met, or had known. She liked him, but did not feel threatened. He was very disarming, and she was comfortable in his presence.

He had spotted her a few weeks earlier, at another cocktail event held by his company. Since most of these business events were mostly men, any woman would stand out. But there was something about her that made men easily feel drawn to her. She was aware of this, but mostly ignored it to do her job…to do her life. But he was especially drawn to her, and this time, she took notice, and even enjoyed this particular attraction.

Tonight, as she sat with this stranger, she felt the rush of their connection. It felt like there was a power within her that she let lay dormant for years, but somehow tonight, he was drawing it out of her. Although she felt she had to always be "on" at these events, since a large part of her job was attracting sales and new clients, she was now feeling a different kind of "on." She had noticed herself somewhat flirting, without really realizing that's what she was doing. She hadn't used those charms in quite some time. She thought, maybe someone would come along once every blue moon or so, that may turn her head, but never much more. And she was happy…happier than most happily married women who were thirty something. So, why was she enjoying this flirtation so much? It was like enjoying a glass of wine, and wanting a second glass, even though you know you maybe shouldn't. It tasted and felt so good, but too much could be bad. Something to take in with caution.

She liked to write poetry at times, and often compared men to other things in nature, or to fine wine, or not so fine drugs. On this evening, she flashed thoughts of prose of how he was making her feel. Funny, how if a good wine makes us feel care-free and happy, we can enjoy more. But only so much more. One glass, maybe two…sometimes three. But finish the bottle, and you may regret drinking at all. Men, like wine, like good fortune, like anything, were about finding a balance. She was a Libra after all, and finding a balance in everything had seemed to be the key to success. Sometimes, she over drank…sometimes, she spent too much time with one man, but those days were long gone. She was a wiser woman now, so she thought.

She never had an addictive personality. She was able to try different things in her youth, without ever really losing too much control. Even at her worst, she always felt in control. She could blame the wine, or whatever the vice, but she only did what she really wanted to do. And life had always obliged her, lucky for her. Attracting men had never been an issue but staying attracted to boyfriends had always posed a problem. Her husband was the first man that had kept her attention and somehow caused her to fall deeper in love with him each year, even thru both of their greatest weaknesses.

With the strength of her security at home, men were no longer a threat in the way she was cautious of them as a younger girl. Generally speaking, once she came into her own, as a young woman, men had become far too easy, for them to really hold any kind of power anymore. She may have fallen once, at most twice, for their antics as a young girl, but she wised up quickly in life, and had gone after, and gotten what she always wanted. She knew what most men wanted, but like most young girls, and women… our wants are a bit deeper. We want that great exciting passion, but it always tastes better with the allure of forever.

And her forever had already come true. She had always wanted a gorgeous man for a husband, who was elegant, and smart, and successful. Someone she would never get tired of looking at, and being with. Even when they fought, she couldn't resist wanting him close to her, always. They built the family she had always dreamt of having. They bought the homes, and took the vacations she had always hoped for as a child. She knew she was blessed, and didn't take any of it for granted. Her children were as perfect, with all their own human imperfections, as they could possibly be. They had the perfect dog, a great life, with lots of friends, and parties…there should have been no void left to fill.

And yet here she was, tonight…watching this new man talk. Finding herself watching his lips, the way she used to watch her husbands. She had forgotten what it felt like to really enjoy watching a man's mouth move as he spoke to her. How it felt as he leans in to whisper something in her ear, and how the breath on her neck would give her goosebumps, like a young girl. She liked watching his dynamic with the crowd that evening. She could tell that he was kind of that alpha male among his colleagues that were there. She also liked how he commanded the small circles he would enter into. She liked his confidence, and found herself noticing his attention towards her. She was starting not only to like it, but to expect his attention. This would have been the second or third time they had crossed paths, and he always made a point of finding her. She knew from a previous business lunch, that he was smitten. He had a little crush on her, and she liked it. She felt it still seemed to be quite innocent, and didn't give it too much thought. She liked when he was near her, but didn't miss him when he was not. This little flirtation did wake her up to some feelings she hadn't felt in some time, and that was an eye opener.

She forgot how love...or lust…or just being 'in like' with someone new, could be such a charge. The feeling was addictive and exciting. This is why she never lost herself on a drug of any kind…it had always been sex and love that could only command her will. A man that she felt chemically pulled towards, for reasons out of her control, was one of the few things that brought an excitement and thrill back to life that she just loved. That kind of thrill was something she apparently still longed for but vowed that her husband would be the only man to ever bestow such gifts. She made that promise on her wedding day and had kept it since the day he asked her to marry him.

She forgot how it felt to catch a man's gaze at you from across the room and noticing how he found a way to be near your side at a party. How he conveniently ended up in many of the circles she was to be a part of that evening. She liked that there was just the right amount of history between them to still make them more strangers, than friends. But still enough time spent within the same circles, to make him familiar as well.

Her eyes kept catching his, and without words, she knew what he was telling her. This particular man's attention and desire for her was interesting. Intriguing. He was different, and she hadn't enjoyed a man's gaze this much since she had met her husband, so many years ago. She felt her pulse increase, and how the lingering eye contact made her feel her own body more. His desire was growing. She noticed his intensity towards her grow a little stronger each time their eyes connected. Her breath began to slow, and her awareness felt heightened in the same way she imagined a prey feels right before a predator attacks. She felt alive, and the wine became sweeter than it had tasted in years. She wanted more of this feeling. It came on quite suddenly, like a buzz that you didn't realize you have, until you stand up, or go to walk a straight line. She was drawn to him.

She felt a little scared, as she also remembered what could happen when these feelings arose. She hadn't had that sense of fear from a man for some time. You remember, that feeling that you're afraid of what you might do with a particular man if left alone. She decided she was not going to drink too much this evening, as to hold her senses about her, but she did enjoy the sensations that he seemed to awaken within her. And already, the guilt of those feelings coming from someone other than her husband, helped her keep reality in check, as she navigated this particular evening.

So here she sat, with a new mysterious acquaintance. The very quiet voice in her head expressed caution, but every other part of her being told her to sit, stay a while, enjoy the present. Enjoy this present. Enjoy life.

He seemed as surprised by this attraction as she was. He was intrigued by her and couldn't help but want to learn more. His intense focus on her was what she desired back home. The better he made her feel, the more of what she thought she had been missing. And he was funny. He was making her laugh harder than she had, in what felt like years. She didn't realize she hadn't laughed so hard in so long. She felt so good, and she was loving the feeling he was giving her. Life had gotten a bit too serious as home, and this was a nice escape. And the whole while, he looked into her eyes, letting her know there was much more there for her. She could see his desire for her all over his face. And now, so could those around him.

The glasses of wine during the corporate affair emptied all too quick. The stuffy business people were all finally more relaxed as ties were undone, and jackets taken off. The smell of marijuana was faint in the air by the outdoor lounge, and the colors of sunset shifted into a beautiful night sky. Carpools of people were walking to the lobby and jumping into cabs to go to the next destination. She used the restroom, before moving on, to have a moment alone. She wanted to think, without being distracted. She had decided that she better leave the restroom and go directly to a cab to go back to her hotel. She was liking this feeling he was giving her more than she should, and she couldn't afford to be careless.

She thought of her husband, and what he would think of her response to this man. What would he want her to do? What would he expect? Go home, was the clear answer. So, she exited towards the lobby deciding not even to say goodbye. Might as well be safe than sorry, and he seemed too good at redirecting her course. It was a bit eerie in fact, and she liked that he seemed able to override her own intentions a bit too much. As she neared the door, both her client and this man were talking, and caught eye contact with her. They seem to be waiting for her, and both offered rides to the next location.

As more people piled around, it was decided who was to go in certain cars, and cabs, and there were more people than vehicles. He offered her a ride to the next spot where everyone was going, and to meet up with her colleagues later. Her client and his crew had already grabbed a cab together, as they were told he would give her a ride. Upon accepting his invitation, she felt like she had just made her first big mistake. This was her slip...she hadn't fallen, but this was the first wrong choice that what lead to many more. She knew this because she had made a decision in the bathroom…to go back. But within seconds of the crowd, and the moment, and his eyes, she was letting life direct her, and going with the flow, instead of following her original intent. It often felt nice to let go and let someone else take charge. But it doesn't always end well if you're not in the driver seat. It seemed like a risk she was willing to take. She wasn't going to say no and go back to her hotel. That idea now seemed like she would be faltering on the job, as her colleagues all wanted the night to continue.

The best deals and business relationships were often forged after hours, at least in the sales arena, and her new CEO had reminded her of that fact, before inviting her on the trip. "The first one to go home was the loser…last one standing the winner." She didn't want to let her new business clients down, but her personal feelings were now trumping any business intentions she may have had upon coming on this trip.

If she were to be truly honest with herself, and about this feeling, it was a part of that allusive 'something more.' This feeling she was encountering with this man tonight, was one that she missed, and perhaps was something she was subconsciously looking for when she accepted this consulting position. She didn't know it at the time, as the years she ran her business from home were good to her, and the money had always kept her motivated. Yet, now that she decided she needed to get out in the world again, since her children were older, it wasn't the money that motivated her anymore. She thought it was the travel, or maybe nice hotels, or simply to gain back some of her independence after being a Mom for so long.

But as the night evolved she started to fear that this feeling is perhaps what she was really looking for. She decided not to dissect these feelings…at least not now. She decided to enjoy her evening, be a good girl, as always, well…. mostly always…and think about it on the long plane ride home, tomorrow. Yes, tomorrow she would give it all more thought. Maybe she didn't need to cross the country for a consulting gig, but simply needed to spice things up in her marriage. But they already had a great sex life, at night. Maybe it was the love life during the day that was missing? She was never the romantic type, she thought. But she did fall for her husband, who was very romantic… at least when they first met. Maybe she was missing the romance now that it felt gone? She hadn't even thought about the romance being gone, until this one entered the scene.

Regardless, the feelings she was experiencing felt priceless in the moment. She was acutely aware that someone could have offered her a million-dollar contract, or the option to ride home with this other man…. she would have chosen the man. Well, then again, maybe she would have still taken the million, and find him later. Can't a girl ever have her cake, and eat it too? But yes, it would have been a tough decision already. If she were to get any closer, or more connected…if the feeling he had given her from a few meetings would evolve into the fairy tale she was imagining…the million bucks would lose. What kind of fairy tale that story would have been, she had no idea.

She felt bad she was at this event to close business deals, when closing business for money seemed like a waste of her time at this point. As intoxicating as making a lot of money can be, it never held a flame to how intoxicating a man's affection can be. And thru the years, she learned that money can be made any day…. finding chemistry with someone is so rare, she felt it had to be revered, and savored. There was her first love, one other, and then her husband. She thought that falling in love was done for her. She had fallen and was in a forever love…a good love. There was a reverence for this feeling that should be saved for her husband alone. Why she was leaving herself and her mind open to this other man felt like a mystery.