Tarnished Love
by Lareka
I don't own Naruto. If I did yaoi fan girls would be very pleased! lol
When we held hands, did you feel it,
Did you feel it even a little bit,
When we knew one another as lovers,
When we whispered sweet nothings under the covers,
Did you really love my taint,
I wonder what you would do if I said I felt faint,
Would you come to my rescue once again,
Or would you turn away from me as a sin?
When you left I cried,
When you left I tried,
When you left I hate,
I miss you, my mate!
Why did you do it,
Is this really what I deserve, is this really what I get,
I walk around the silence, wincing,
I stop, waiting, scenting,
My heart flutters at the very thought of you,
But it was nothing new,
I walk quickly into my room,
And as your shadow speaks of my eternal doom?
When you left me here in the night,
When you left me here I felt no longer right,
When you left you released your hold,
Why did you leave me here standing in the cold?!
Tears flow freely from sorrow filled orbs,
As I look up, your pain is absorbed,
Cringing, my eyes close once more,
"Who are these for?",
Kneeling beside me, your touch sends fear down my spine,
Clenching my fists, I remember when you were once mine,
Back to the time when I was alive,
Back when we learned the meaning of the number five.
In the cold I stand,
In the cold I reach with an empty hand,
In the cold frozen tears become my salvation,
If you can withstand the temptation!
Five ways to love one another,
Rough and hard, laced with leather,
Caring and tender, soften hands brushing away stray hairs,
Walking hand in hand as pairs,
Betrayal and protection, to save your very soul,
Being your lover, best friend, and worst foul,
Opening my eyes, I remember the scars of the past,
It happened so fast!
Is this what we were meant to do in fate,
Is this why your so angry as of late,
Is this what you wanted to happen so fast,
This is prove we were not meant to last!?
I hated you for what you have done,
And with each passing sun,
I wish you had never existed in my life,
Even as I stared down at the bloody knife,
I wanted you to suffer for your actions,
But to my surprise, I still felt your passions,
Gritted teeth, grounded painfully, from memories long gone,
But even now as we watch the passing dawn.
Were we really forever,
Were we really in it together,
Were we rally more then I ever thought,
I suppose this is what fate has taught?!
I see your face in a mask of nothingness,
As if your thoughts on me are meaningless,
Even as I stare into your eyes,
Contentment is what I realize,
Tension leaves my being and I feel so very tired,
However, I remember who you had sired,
Looking into your crimson slits,
But you never would allow me to worry about their hits!
Thoughts of the love we shared,
Thoughts of the love we bared,
Thoughts of the tenderness you gave,
But now it is my heart you must save!
A kiss of passion and loving warmth for old times sake,
Even though we both know this just a fake,
Eyes closes off tears that would never flow,
Why are we stooping this low,
A spark of heat from a touch upon my shoulder blade,
And in an instant, I knew you wanted to get laid,
A malice grin matches your cold eyes of death,
That once upon a time I could see the love beneath.
Was this how we wanted to go,
Was this how you wanted me so,
Was this how your desire was filled,
And with your betrayal, my heart was killed!?
Moaning, screaming... loving...pain,
But this pleasure was no new gain,
You always do this to me, not for my heart but against it,
You always force your way in just to fit,
You did this for your own hearts wounds,
Because of your actions, this will be where we are now doomed,
Digging nails into your flesh, a memory of that whore flashes,
The memory of finding you with bruises and gashes.
Is she what your memories crave,
Is she what your memories gave,
Is she what your memories desire,
Does she set your heart on an eternal fire!?
Eyes narrowed at the pitiful man who did nothing but shame,
Head tilted back as claws scrap across to blame,
I find I can not resist what you have always taken,
I hated that I can not resist what we have forsaken,
Screaming as fangs of a beast enter a most vunerable place,
I do not dare look into your face,
For 'He' is there looking through my body,
The lust for something so bloody.
Is your monster tame with exhaustion,
Is your monster inside you my exception,
Is your monster a betrayal to yourself,
Is he the devil himself!?
Sweating from the hardness with my body, soul, and mind,
As the souls of beasts combined,
My mind shares your own,
And, yet, it seems as if I am utterly alone,
The horror of see the original beast of death was frightning,
Yet even with this fear, I feel so exciting,
The beast of ledeng that is before me laughs,
However, even with this we shall still split paths.
The beast is falling,
The beast is knawing,
The is all full of power,
Yet, with all that he is, I will not coware!
Closing my eyes, I step toward him with open arms,
Even if I trust the beast, with each step he feels alarms,
My steps are slow from sore pains,
The eyes that now watch the blood coursing threw my veins,
Shine with delight and a sick humor,
But with a voice so warm, he could put me into a slumber,
He is cruel and humored by sickened pain,
With nothing to lose I give him everything I have to gain.
Sick of this world's whores,
Sick of this world's very pores,
Sick of this world's fakeness,
Don't I wish I could leave this place just as fearless!
As I cry in his painful embrace,
As I wait in my pain, my heart quickens it's pace,
As I have made the exchange for your life,
I will let the beast abuse me and cut me with this knife,
Never shall my true love know of this shame,
My own sick pleasure is I will always call out your name,
Grinning at the ground, I hear the beast growl,
He can not hurt you though, for that would break his vow.
For all I have done I am damned to eternal hell,
For all I have done I will never tell,
For all I have done you, whom I love, will be left alone,
After all I did, this is all I've known!
Blackness takes my sight,
When I awake you stand there with a smile so bright,
Tears of love flow with your presence,
Oh, how you are so dense,
Hugging you and kissing you was the best,
I can not let you go, even as I rest,
Shivering, I remember how painful it was,
What I did was a moment for us just because,
Wincing, I feel shame but you will never find it, never,
For with this new deal, our bonds will never sever.
Bonds from years past,
Bonds from years that flew by so fast,
Bonds from years of my life's lie,
Because of that you did die!
Forever will we live with each other,
We will travel the world and go even further,
No matter the pain I recieve,
I would do anything to help you create what you believe,
As I brush my hand acrossed your beautiful face,
My heart forever begins to race,
As your eyes open, terror fills me, as I see red,
Screaming, I fly off the bed,
With eyes clenched together, I cuddle into my protective position,
Gasping, my face is tilted up to look at my opposition.
Having painful scars I will forever regret,
Having painful scars that I continue to get,
Having painful scars is what he will always want,
With my scars, my memory will forever haunt!
Trembling, I have my mouth open in a silent scream,
Now, it will never be redeemed,
Forget what I said before,
Now I must be his whore,
So you must live as you are,
Even though I am so far,
I will do this again and again, just to know you are breathing,
As I stare into eyes, angry and seething,
I do not care enough to give him kindness, but you can if you please,
I glance around in pity as he flees,
For he who also pays, breaks his promise,
For his love was not strong enough to pay this.
You will live in happiness now,
You will live without any faul,
You will live for everything we were,
Now you stare at me with a body made of fur!
Awakened by screaming and blood scent,
Curiously, I look at my cage and see that it is now bent,
Stepping threw the hole, I walk down the hall,
Following the scent, I suddenly hear the beast's call,
Stopping obediantly, I wait for instructions,
As the beast arrives, I count my options,
The beast changes back into the love I once knew,
But with so much time, I was true.
This new feeling of being lost,
This new feeling of what my lover's life cost,
This new feeling was strange and scary,
The beast is even weary!
Walking threw the last door,
I see him lying in pain on the floor,
I remember the friend I had,
The one that now makes me sad,
Running to help him, I grab his shirt to see what happened,
I pause as I remember he was wounded,
I watch the blade slide into my skin,
But it doesn't hurt, I always pay for my sin.
My friend of lifetimes ago,
My friend that had never told me no,
My friend that I trust with my secret past,
Yet, my friend, are you meant to last?
Gritting my teeth, I force the sword from my chest,
The beast, snarling, orders me to rest,
Sliding down onto my knees, I roll him to his back,
With one eyebrow rose, I watch him gain what he has lack,
White eyes formed of my own, stare in shock,
Rolling my eyes as he lays there still as a rock,
"Just like old time, eh, my friend?",
Smiling, he allows me to defend.
Why did you separate our lives,
Why did you pull your knives,
Why did you betray my trust,
I will kill you, if I must!?
Blade in hand, I close my red-dotted eyes,
My blade strikes clean as the enemy flies,
The beast walks to us with a sense of worry,
Snorting, I fix my friend with a hurry,
Squeaking, I jump as a cold nose is now on my back,
He pushes me forward with a wack,
Looking at him with these "special" eyes, I remember he feels for me,
The beast looks pitiful, as if he did not know where he was meant to be.
Did he know that he had fallen,
Did he know that he had stopped calling,
Did he know that he was showing tender emotions,
Now he watches my every motion!?
"Take care of him and then return to your cage!",
The beast leaves but I can still feel his rage,
Helping my friend up, I wince as his long hair blows across my leg,
Remembering a similiar fiber that forced me to beg,
Gritting teeth, I try to carry him to my room,
A sense of doom,
As I feel the weight of someone so much heavier,
But I must do so to avoid being the reciever.
Did you have a meal,
Did you have a clue about my deal,
Did you know of starvation,
A meal once a week has so much appreciation!?
Laying my friend down on a bed across the hall,
I sit down on the end of said bed, so I will not fall,
As quickly as I can, I move away from the comfort,
Because if the beast knew, he would remind me of our deal of a sort,
Looking up, my friend's staring with concern,
Wincing, I turn,
"Be well soon...",
Stopping I look at him like he's lost his mind,
Flinching, I walk back to him when he whined.
He asked me what happened that night,
He asked me if we got into a fight,
He asked me if I was hurt,
I said it was actually okay being treated like dirt!
"Remember you once told me I look like a star?",
"Because you're so bright, but so far...",
He nodded with joy,
"You are the moon because you've become nothing more then a toy!",
Cringing, I walk back away,
"I can see you clearly, right here where I lay!",
He glared at me and I back myself into the wall, clenching fists for pain,
Truly wishing it was the beast's mane.
Is he angry at what I have done,
Is he angry because I run,
Is he angry with my life anew,
Because his anger won't make it untrue!?
I sit there staring at him with hatred,
Because his words fill me with so much dread,
Silent tears flow from no feelings,
Because he saw what would have no healings,
Movement was heard and a hand touchs my arm,
Screaming, I jump away from the harm,
I stare at him with a pained look,
As a dark expression comes to his face, I realize he knows what was took.
If I told him would he care,
If I told him would it be fair,
If I told him I would feel shame,
Because I know he has never had the same!
Turning and running, I lock myself in my cage,
For now I can not beat his rage,
Cuddling in on myself, I silence all around,
And that is what the beast found,
Seeing him now made me run to the softness,
"Please, make me worthless!",
He growled at me and pushed me away,
I gripped my hair and stayed where I lay.
I am addicted to the pain,
I am addicted to being lain,
I am addicted to the beast,
I want the drug atleast!
Screaming for the mentality to leave,
Breaking apart my only release as I heave,
Choking on blood forced from self-infliction,
For I never knew I had an addiction,
A traitor's hands grip my own away from my throat,
Screaming and struggling, to be more remote,
My friend stops me from my release of pain,
Crying from new torment that I gain,
My friend releases my hands and I crawl into a puddle of warm blood,
With pain flowing threw me like a dark flood,
I find the beast laying beside,
He looks at me with such sadness,
"I no longer want to put you threw this madness!",
Slowly, I rise,
"Do you think that wise...?",
Walking to him with such a face,
He growls at me so I pick up the pace.
I now have blood loss,
I now have to deal with this false,
I now have such a weakness,
For you now show you're not useless!
I grab the beast before he can get away,
"You can not move from where we lay!",
He growls and struggles to leave,
Screaming, as he escapes my weave,
I lay on the ground with silent tears,
He watches me, adrenalizing his worst fears,
"I can't do this any more, I have grown to care...",
Gasping, I realize I have given him scars to bare,
Looking at him, I see the truth,
I see the mortality the beast has to sooth.
He grew and fell for my pain,
He grew and fell in vain,
He grew and fell with so much shame,
And, yet, I am still to blame!
My friend appears to his word,
By the look in his eye, I knew he had heard,
He pushes me forward,
And as I fall into the beast, my heart soared,
Looking up at him, I saw you in his mind,
As I look deeper, I realize you are bind,
With eyes wide, I look at the beast again,
"With what I do now, I hope you forgive my sin,"
Rising, the beast stares down,
"With the exception of your lover, I shall see you around...",
With that said, I felt pain and then everything went black,
Awakening, I feel him lack,
The beast is gone,
And with that, I now see the dawn.
He left me here with nothing to give,
He left me here not knowing how to live,
He left me here forever crying,
With nothing left I give up trying!
Tears of love to see you again,
Laughter echos threw your grin,
Hugging you now I see my worst fear,
"You've been gone for a whole year!",
Closing my eyes, I embrace your being,
Touching, tasting, just seeing,
Later at night,
The beast visits me in the light,
"I will love you threw your lover's mind and with him all the way,"
"For you have given the price to pay,"
"And know that I will forever be within to protect!",
With this, he left me with the cause and effect!
A/N:
Anyways this is a poem I wrote for a guideline to a future fanfic I'm planning on writing where Sasuke tells Naruto about his abuse from Kyuubi/Kurama and I haven't decided on certain things in it which way it goes. I'm generally good with morbid dark romance so I was proud of this so I posted it. Let me know what you think okay? I haven't updated Cave Lovin'/ Sacred Lovin' because I have to re think and write half of it to make InuKouga the main couple and SessKag just a side couple. So sorry but it will be a while. Forbidden Lover is on hold for now. With my sister prego again I need to focus more on family. Sorry. Will update as soon as possible. Please do review!
Lareka