My take on a song fic, disguised as post Exit Wounds Janto angst. Or is it Janto angst disguised as a song fic? Virtual prizes will be awarded for anyone who recognizes the song. Needless to say, I've left the actual title out of the text! No prize for you Jann, though, coz I told you today that I was hung up on this song :-)
Let Me Lie With You
"Jack, those three words…." Ianto turned over in bed, propped himself up on his left elbow, and looked frankly into Jack's eyes.
Jack rolled over, unable to meet Ianto's sincere gaze. "I'm sorry Ianto. Have I said too much?"
"No Jack, you didn't. That's the problem. They're not enough. But I don't quite know how to say how I feel."
It had taken Ianto quite by surprise when Jack had finally said 'I love you.' A week earlier and it would have been all that he desired. But now, Owen and Tosh were dead and everything had changed.
Jack smiled, this time able to look his lover in the eyes. "In that case, why don't you just lie there? I'll go and make us some breakfast and then I'll lay with you and we can just forget the world. Let's waste time, just for a few minutes more."
Ianto shook his head and sat up, his body still hot and sweaty from their passionate encounter. He was clearly disturbed and it worried Jack. "You – me; our relationship, Jack. It confuses me. I don't know where it's come from. I don't think I'm gay, but it seems I'm not straight either. I'm confused about how as well."
"Forget what we're told." said Jack reassuringly. "Labels. They're overrated. You and me, when we're alone we don't need labels. We don't need anything or anyone."
Ianto understood what Jack was trying to do, trying to buoy him up, to keep him going, but it wasn't working. "We do it all now, everything on our own. But we need Owen and Tosh. I miss them. I miss them terribly. I couldn't bear to lose any one else. To lose you or Gwen. To lose you. You promise that you'll stay but some times I can't help but wonder if you'll leave with your Doctor again."
Jack shook his head. "No, not again, Ianto. I couldn't do that to you again, because I need you. I know now that I need your grace to remind me to find my own. I need you to believe that and to just know that things will never change for us at all." Jack smoothed the hair back from Ianto's forehead and kissed him, continuing. "The world goes on Ianto. It spins and turns. It's like a garden that's bursting into life. And we need to guard that life, we are custodians of a precious thing. And I am custodian of a precious thing too."
"Huh?" said Ianto, lacking his normal eloquence but surprised by Jack's newly found loquaciousness.
"Because all that I am, all that I ever was," Jack paused "is here, in your perfect eyes. Ianto, they are all that I can see. You keep me whole. You keep me sane."
"I wish I could believe you, Jack. I wish I could just know these things will never change for us at all. But they will, they must. One day I will be gone and you'll be on your own again. And I hate that thought."
"Are you saying that we're wasting time?"
"Oh no, far from it, Jack." Ianto finally returned the kiss. "Let's enjoy what we have for the moment. Just shut up and let me lie with you and let's forget the world."
Got the song yet?