Sarge's Idiots The old the weak and the smelly By: Jonathan Stava One morning on the Navy ship U.S.S Sanitation, World War 3 had begun. "Captain" said Sergeant Bradley "deck 2 want permission to fire the sea cat missiles." "They don't need me for that, just fire!" replied Captain Billybob. "They ugh, want you to count for them" Sarge said, then cleared his throat. "For God's snake... I mean sake! Fine!" He agreed. "Count down farting, I mean starting... One, seven, eleventysix... What! What are you laughing at!" Suddenly the whole U.S.S Sanitation crew was laughing and pointing at Billybob. "Sir, *cackle* not that it is any of my business, but where the heck did you go to preschool?!" Laughed Sarge. "Stop laughing at me!" cried Billybob. "I can't take the humiliation! I did go to preschool... yep sure did" (Billybob by the way is a hillbilly Captain) "just can't remember the name... OK OK so I didn't go to preschool. Hands up or I will shoot!" He pulled out a pistol. "No you won't" said Sarge. "Yes-I-Will" "No" "Yes" " where did you get your gun license?" Sarge asked "Ugh, K-mart?" "Where did you learn how to load a gun?" "learned myself." "You know what go ahead and shoot me" "OK" *click* *click* "can I borrow somebody's ammo so I can shoot everybody?" Everyone laughed. "Captain, your fired for not being able to count to two and for having a K-mart gun license!" Sarge said, "Security! Would you please dump this man in the middle of nowhere fast?" "Sure thing sir, I've wanted to do that since my brother jumped of the roof of the house; killed himself he did" babbled the guard. "Oh yeah! Oh yeah! I am in charge!" said an exited Sarge now doing the Disco with a fake afro. "Hey Nerd" get up here if your finished cleaning floaters of the toilet seat!" Commanded Sarge. "Here sir" said Nerd who always had saliva in his mouth so it bubbled when he talked. "Where is my space monkey!" yelled Sarge. "I found him on deck 3 trying to peel a crew member open like a banana, the guy was dressed in yellow... don't ask." Replied Nerd. " Where are we anyway. Sarge looked out the ship window and said "Holly...cow, we are not in Kansas anymore Dorothy" "Sir in case you haven't noticed" informed Nerd. We have been laughing for a very long time, DURING WORLD WAR 3, we haven't been battling either. So the German Army fired an elephant load of missiles at us and... we died, and don't call me Dorothy!" Sarge was so dumb founded all he had to say was, "duh, duh, duh, duh, can I have a crowbar mommy?" "No" replied Nerd. "Help me, giant murderer Kangaroos are attacking Kansas!" "and look kung foo Elephants are eating Joe!" Screamed Sarge. "How do we get out of here?" "Simple, we don't" "There is no can-not-do-that, with Sarge..." Sarge formed a smirk. He took a grenade punched Nerd for fun and blew a hole in heaven's clouds. "He is one mad man" Said Nerd "What was that?!" said Sarge "bauk bauk bauk, red alert move out" said a flock of chickens, wait ugh, make that Kung Foo chickens. "AHH! Kung foo chickens, those ugly thing that protect heaven!" Yelled Sarge. "Chicken wing 1 coming in" said a close chicken. Wack wack wack. "OW OW OW" Sarge screamed in pain. "I don't think they like you Sarge! Ha ha ha!" said Nerd "Why else would he be judo chopping me in the go-nads and pooping on me you geek?!" "Jump now!" said Nerd to Sarge. Sarge jumped through the hole followed by the General. "Hey why is everybody walking around like their brain is the size of a cashew?" Asked Sarge after they painfully hit the ground in Elephant dung.
"Hello Sarge, precisely because their brains are the size of cashews look at them" replied the General. "Hello sir can I have a nose picker 2,000 I heard they were pretty good and cheap" said a grandpa "Sure only 200,000.01$" said the store owner. "Wow what a great rip-off! I'll take it bunny I mean sonny" said the geezer, "that is what us geezers are supposed to say" "Creepy, who is the president, we have only been gone for 2 years" Asked Sarge. "I believe that is him, it also explains why we fell in Elephant dung!" replied the General pointing to a very fat elephant with a badge that says president in gold. "My god, we have to help those poor little pathetic idiots" Sarge cried "Or else Bob's restaurant will not be able to make me bacon fat any more" Sarge complained. "Oh dear, that is sick!" replied the General. Just then every one was yelling "look its Albert Einstein the second!" "If your so smart I challenge you to a target practice!" said Sarge "I can prove I am smart by telling you C=NT circled! Every one believes that lie!" Said Albert. "Wasn't that E=MC squared?" Asked Sarge "Whatever" Albert whined. So it was the day of the contest and Albert was ready. Well not really... "Your turn Albert. And don't point the rifle backwards" Reminded Sarge.
"OK the target it over there so I should shoot over here" he pointed right at a plane and shot the plane down. "AHH, I won!!!" yelled Albert "I am going to go brag!" he said happily and ran away. "You call loosing winning?" said Sarge "you are stupid!" Just the an Alien ship landed and an Alien came out. "What are you doing here?" Asked Sarge and the general. "Merchandising, merchandising!" replied the Alien "Our best item is a maximiser I found in a Cracker Jack's box!"
"A maximiser!" Sarge said "I'll take it!" "fifty cents please!" "Thanks and come again to Cheapy's, we come to you!" Very quickly Sarge and the General ran to town and maximized everyone's brains bigger to their normal size. And being the curios person Sarge is he said "You know General, if we can make brains bigger... WHY DONT WE MAKE THEM HUGE!!!!!!!" The General put his face in his hands and said "oh Sarge, Here we go again..."
