Nothing Ever Takes the Place of You

I walked slowly through the fields outside of Beacon. It was a somber day, fitting my mood perfectly. I approached her grave slowly, tears freely dripping off my face. I kneelt down, pulling out a crumpled piece of paper; a song I wrote shortly after her death.

I couldn't take it, couldn't stand another minute.

Couldn't bear another day without you in it.

It was like everything I loved was taken from me in a split second.

All of the joy that I had known throughout my life,

Was stripped away from me the minute that you died

I was openly sobbing now, resting my head against her tombstone.

"Why? Why did you leave me?" I wailed.

Can't help but feel I had taken you for granted.

No way in Hell that I can ever comprehend it.

I wasn't dreaming when they told me you were gone. I was wide-awake, feeling that they had to be wrong. How could you leave me when you swore that you would stay? Now I'm stuck inside a memory every single fucking day.

I simply sat there and cried, hoping to hear her wonderful voice once more.

"I know you're broken down by anger and by sadness," I could nearly hear her say, "You feel I left you in a world that's full of madness. Wish I could talk to you if only for a minute, make you understand the reasons why I did it. You're not the only one who needed me, I thought you understood."

"You were the one I needed and you left me as I always knew you would!"

Every night since then, I would have a nightmare. And with every nightmare, it just disclosed that it was her blood that was red like roses. I tried to get over it, tried to move on. I tried to go back to normal. I tried to get my friends back.

I sobbed and collapsed on her grave. I curled up into a tiny ball and wailed into my legs. The cries drew some attention, mainly from a certain red-haired girl.

"It has been months. You should at least try to be around your teammates."

I simply sobbed louder

I stayed out there for God knows how long. A few days, at the least, only leaving to get food. But I could no longer taste it. Everything was a blur. I noticed no one, and no one bothered me.

Red like roses

Fills my head with dreams and finds me

Always closer

To the emptiness and sadness

That has come to take the place of you.

Her voice came back to me tauntingly, "I know you've lived a nightmare. I've caused you so much pain. But baby please don't do what I did. I don't want you to end your life in vain."

"Well how am I supposed to go on?" I shouted, "You left me! I don't have anyone anymore!"

I crumpled up the paper and threw it away from me, letting the wind catch it and take it wherever.

It wasn't until a few days later that I found the journal.

"Hey, it's me. If you are reading this, then I'm probably dead. It's so weird knowing that this won't be read until I'm dead. Anyway, I hope it was a good death. Not crossing the road, or an incident with a toaster. I hope I went out defending someone I loved. Like you. I loved you more than anything in the world. I just wish that I were brave enough in my life to admit it to you. Oh well, the past is the past. I just want you to know that it's okay. I'm glad I got to know you. I'm glad we were friends. I wouldn't trade you in for all the gold in Remnant. You were wonderful, and I hope you live a long, happy life. Remember me, but don't let my death control you. Think of me. I wouldn't want you to end up crying for months at my grave now, would I? Anyway, I hope you aren't taking my death so hard. I couldn't bear to see you like that.

I cried even harder. Not because the letter was for me, but because I knew she would never see the letter.

I trudged up the hill to her grave. The fresh snow, the first of the year, was a brilliant white, but it wouldn't be for long. I crouched next to her grave, running my hand along her name. Such a beautiful name. I've always been a fan of alliteration in names, such as hers and mine.

I sighed and laid down next to her grave. The snow soaked my clothing, but I didn't care. I was here for one thing, and one thing only. I pulled out a paper with the words written on it.

"Don't avenge me. Just live."

Those words were the last thing she ever said before the Grimm ripped her apart. She sacrificed herself to save the rest of us.

I didn't have a choice; I did what I had to do.

I made a sacrifice but forced a bigger sacrifice on you.

It's a lot like a movie, but there's no happy ending. Every scene fades to black and there's no pretending that it'll get better.

I couldn't go on. Not without her. Not without my beloved.

'She can't have died. No, she's just pulling an elaborate prank.

She has to be just around the corner, laughing her ass off.

There's no way she's actually dead! That's ridiculous!

That's right! I'll be seeing her soon!'

I reached into my pocket and pulled out the object that I had brought with me. It glistened in the light as I held it in front of me. The object in question was a nickel-plated Colt 1911. I pulled back on the slide, loading a .45 ACP round into the chamber. I held the gun to the side of my head, wanting to end it all. I wanted to see her again.

"Don't worry Blake. I'll be seeing you soon."

I slowly pulled back on the trigger before all went black.

And no matter what I do,

Nothing ever takes the place of you.