Title: Helping Hands
Author:Hobbleit
Recipient: whreflections
Pairing: Dean/Castiel (established relationship)
Rating: PG-13 for boy kissing and mentions of torture (see below)
Warnings: Includes mentions of torture, not in any great detail
Spoilers: the end of season four and beginning of season five
Word Count: 3219
Notes/Prompt(s): (so we know which prompt(s) you responded to) 1. Dean finds out that before he was able to rescue Dean from hell, he ended up on the rack with Alistair for awhile. This can involve whatever the author wants, but I'd like to see Dean finding out about it and being all protective, angsty h/c and all that. ^^
2. Dean wants to get things back to where they were with Sam, and he confides in Cas about that. Cas then decides to try and help him. Happy ending please?
Summary: Dean finds out Castiel was tortured in Hell by Alastair whilst on his mission to rescue him and helps him through it. Castiel decides to return the favour by helping Dean and Sam work out some of their problems.
A/N: I wrote this for the Groped By An Angel Secret Angels Fic Challenge. This is Slash, don't like then don't read
Disclaimer: don't own Supernatural or any of its characters. If I did then there would be a lot more Dean/Castiel loving in it :D
Helping Hands
He had wanted him to scream. He had wanted to cut into him until he could not take the pain anymore and beg for it all to be over. He had underestimated him.
He had a mission to complete, he needed to get to Dean Winchester and pull him from Hell. He knew that he was too late, the first seal had already been broken but Dean was important in the apocalypse.
Alastair had other ideas though.
He had been caught by demons whilst trying to find Dean and Alastair; knowing the plans, decided to get him on the rack immediately. He knew that the demon couldn't kill him, he didn't even have a corporeal body at this point but he knew that Alastair would want to make him suffer. He wanted to make him scream.
"Come on now pretty Angel," Alastair teased. "Just want to hear you scream. I could get my wonderful new protégé to play with you for a while if you really wanted to," he smirked. "We're going to have so much fun."
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Dean shuddered awake and sat up in bed; sweat running down his face, coating his t-shirt and soaking his hair. He couldn't quite remember what the dream had been about exactly but he knew it had involved his time in Hell. He felt sick to the stomach at the dream and had to will himself not to throw up at the memory. Reaching down to the floor, he rooted around into his bag until he found the half drunk bottle of whisky and took a swig.
Looking at the clock, he saw that it was still early. Not wanting to wake Sam, he quietly dressed and slipped out to the Impala unnoticed. He needed some time alone to think. The memory of Hell still haunted him to this day, even though he had been out for well over a year now, he couldn't seem to shake the nightmares. He felt cold inside and no amount of wrapping his jacket tight around him could warm him up. He knew it wasn't physical; it was entirely mental. Deciding to wallow in his own misery for a while; he settled down in the Impala.
He was not expecting the phone call from Castiel. Dean was still not used to having to tell the Angel where he was, ever since Cas had carved the Enochian symbols on his ribcage. Deciding he really didn't want to be alone anymore he quickly told Castiel where he was. He was joined a moment later by the Angel; looking the same as he ever did with his trench coat and an unreadable expression on his face.
"You seem troubled," Castiel said to him and Dean inwardly cursed. He hated how well the Angel could read him.
"The nightmares are back."
"What happened?"
"I dreamt that Alastair was torturing someone or something... I couldn't really tell there was so much light. He wanted them to scream, he was going to have me torture them and although they wouldn't scream they were still so scared."
Castiel remained silent. He knew exactly what Dean was talking about; he had been the one on the rack. Dean just couldn't recognise him as he had never seen Castiel's true form. He could still remember the pain of Alastair's torture; the agony as he broke down Castiel's walls and turned him inside out. The usual torture methods did not work so Alastair had to be especially inventive, using his tools to carve away at Castiel's soul; he could feel the knives and the saws pierce him; cutting him right to the core. He knew why Alastair was the chief torturer in Hell; he could torture anyone and anything. Castiel knew he was doomed.
"Cas?" Dean broke him from his thoughts, his voice sounding concerned. "Are you okay?" Castiel didn't answer him; he didn't know how. Although he knew that Dean had suffered the same fate in Hell as he had, he didn't want to burden Dean with his memories. He knew Dean would blame himself for what had happened. "You're worrying me, Cas. Please tell me what you're thinking."
"I do not want to burden you with my troubles."
"S'no trouble," Dean told him. "Keeps me away from my problems. Just tell me what's wrong."
Castiel sighed and looked down at his hands; unable to make eye contact with Dean. "Cas, you're scaring me," Dean said as he took one of Castiel's hands in his and gently rubbed it with his thumb. Castiel glanced up and saw the fear in Dean's eyes and he knew he couldn't hide this from him any longer.
"The dream you had last night; the memory that you had was of me."
"What?" Dean asked in surprise.
"When myself and the other Angel's laid siege to Hell to rescue I was captured by demons and taken to be tortured by Alastair. He wanted to find out how much we knew but he also just wanted to cause me pain," Castiel could see the pain in Dean's eyes and he immediately knew that he was starting to blame himself for what had happened to Castiel.
"Tell me what happened," Dean said slowly. "I need to know."
Castiel closed his eyes and he began to recount his story.
It took all of Castiel's strength not to scream. He was in more pain than he had ever felt in his life but he still kept quiet.
"I want you to tell me one thing, Angel," Alastair smirked as he shoved a knife through one of Castiel's wings. "I want to know how it feels to be so completely helpless when you're supposed to be one of the most powerful beings in the universe," Alastair stuck another knife into Castiel's other wing, pinning it to the table. Castiel didn't speak; he kept silent even though he was currently suffering through the worst pain imaginable. "What's wrong; cat got your tongue?" Alastair laughed. "Maybe that is what I should try to remove next. I love to torture Angel's; you never know what is going to happen next."
Alastair took a knife and slowly began to slice into Castiel's wings.
"You know the best part of Hell is that I can do this. In Heaven or on Earth I would not be able to touch you but down here, you're fair game. I can do whatever I want and you're powerless to stop it. I have all the power and you are at my mercy," he grinned and dangled the knife over Castiel's heart. "Now I wonder what would happen if I ripped that out."
"How did you escape?" Dean asked; the sick feeling in his stomach returning.
"I screamed," Castiel explained. "You heard me trying to speak to you before we first met; before I took up residence in Jimmy's body and it almost made your ear drums explode. Imagine me screaming. It is much worse for a being of evil than an ordinary man such as yourself."
"I wish I could have saved you. I wish I could have stopped Alastair from hurting you. Why didn't you tell me about this before?"
"I knew you would blame yourself," Castiel's eyes were filled with pain and hurt; it made Dean angry. He clasped Castiel's hand tighter and raised his free hand to Castiel's cheek, cupping it gently.
"I wish Alastair was still alive then I would rip him apart for what he did."
"Even if he were still alive, I would not want you to do that."
"But he hurt you," Dean's voice cracked and he didn't even feel ashamed by it.
"It would not change anything. Even if I knew what was going to happen I would still go to Hell for you. I would do anything for you. Do not blame yourself; Dean," Castiel said as he leaned in and gently kissed Dean on the forehead. "You need to go back to bed now, can't fight if you're tired," he said before disappearing and leaving Dean alone in the Impala.
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Dean knew Castiel was hiding something but he didn't know how to how to get him to open up. Castiel was still new to human emotions and Dean needed to get him to talk about what he went through. Dean decided to ask Sam for help.
"Sam, can I ask you something?" Dean nervously asked the next morning after Sam emerged from the bathroom, "Since you're, you know, into all that touchy feely emotional crap."
"Gee, way to ask for my help," Sam grinned at Dean's uncomfortable attempts to open up. "What do you wanna ask?"
"Cas told me something last night and I know he's keeping it all inside but I don't know how I can get him to open up about it."
"Is it bad?" Sam asked and Dean nodded sadly. "How bad?"
"Hell bad," Dean told him. "Cas told me that when he was sent to pull me outta Hell; he was tortured by Alastair."
"That is bad."
"It sucks," Dean said angrily. He wanted to rip Alastair apart; probably would have done if the demon had still been alive. He settled instead for banging his fist down on the table, not caring that it hurt like hell.
"Have you tried to get him to open up?"
"Yes."
"By yes do you mean you asked him and when he wouldn't you just left it?"
"I tried," Dean protested. "He just disappeared when I pushed further. I don't know how to get him to open up further."
"Maybe you have to get him into a situation where he can't get out. You can't really force him to tell you how he's feeling, he's an Angel and he's not used to all of these new emotions running around inside him. You gotta be gentle with him, don't rush in all guns blazing like you usually do."
"Thanks," Dean said as he rubbed his face with his left hand.
"No problem, bro," Sam smiled. "Why don't you call him and I'll disappear for a couple of hours so you can talk."
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"You called," Castiel said as he appeared in the motel room; his voice remaining flat and emotionless.
"Yeah," Dean replied. "I thought we could spend some time together, you know, just the two of us. Come and sit down," Dean motioned towards the bed as he sat down himself.
Castiel cautiously made his way over and sat down next to Dean. Dean leaned over and ran his hand through Castiel's hair before pulling him close and pressing his lips gently against his Angel's.
"I want to protect you," Dean whispered quietly against Castiel's lips.
"I can protect myself quite well."
"Can you? Please Cas; I need to be there for you. I need you to tell me about what happened in Hell."
"Why? Do you think it would make you feel any better?" Cas said as he pulled away from Dean and stood up. Dean could see he was not completely in control anymore. "Is that what this little exercise is about?"
"No," Dean told him; feeling lost for words.
"There is nothing you can do, don't you see?"
"I know what you are going through. I know how painful it was being tortured by Alastair and I remember every single second of what happened to me down in the pit, so don't tell me there's nothing I can do."
"It was different for me; I am an Angel not a human like you; the effects of being in Hell were bad enough but the pain of torture was hundreds of times worse. Every second I was down there I could feel more and more of myself die and I wanted to give in but I knew I could not. I knew I had to find you and pull you out of Hell; so I held on. I held on until I knew I could escape and then I ran. I gripped you and I ran because it hurt too much."
Dean could see Castiel was beginning to shake so he stood up and pulled his Angel close and held him tight in his arms. Castiel did not pull away but he did fall to the ground, Dean following and preventing Cas from completely collapsing. He then held the Angel close whilst he sobbed at the memory.
"I am so sorry," Dean whispered, wanting nothing more than to break down and cry alongside the Angel but he knew he had to be strong for him. It was his job.
They stayed like that until Dean heard Castiel's breathing even out and the sobs eventually stopped. Dean raised Castiel's chin so he was looking directly into the Angel's piercing blue eyes and he could see the pain and grief sparkling amongst the tears.
"I wish I could have stopped it from happening. I wish I had known back in Hell or when I was torturing Alastair because I would have ripped him to shreds for you."
"I know you would have and I appreciate it but it would not have done any good. The damage has already been done. I am broken and I am falling and it all began there," he said as Dean leaned in and kissed him again.
"Don't ever keep anything like that from me again. You and me, we're a team and teams have to tell each other everything. Especially when I'm falling so much in love with you."
"And I love you too."
"So you promise not to hide things from me again?"
"Only if you do the same," Castiel said and Dean smiled to his Angel.
"I promise."
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"How are you and Sam?" Castiel asked a few days later as he and Dean sat in a diner; watching Dean eat breakfast. He had noticed that Dean and his younger brothers still seemed to have a strained relationship at the moment and he knew that it was imperative that they band together to fight Lucifer.
"They're okay," Dean replied distractedly, leading Cas to believe things weren't as great as Dean made it seem.
"I always know when you're lying, you do know that?"
Dena sighed, "We had another fight last night."
"About the apocalypse?"
"You got it in one. He still thinks I blame him for Lucifer being free."
"Do you?"
"No," Dean said a little too quickly. "Yes... I don't know. Maybe part of me does blame him but I don't mean to."
"I understand. Maybe you need to talk to him about it, get your feelings out then maybe you can both forgive each other."
"I don't think that would help," Dean said as he stood up from the booth they were both currently sitting in and heading out to the Impala, leaving Castiel on his own.
"Then again, maybe it will," Castiel said to himself as an idea popped into his head. Dean had helped him overcome his pain about being tortured by Alastair, now he would help dean find his way back to Sam.
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Sam was surprised to see Castiel when he opened the door.
"Dean's not here," he said, assuming Castiel was there to see his brother.
"I know; it was you I wanted to speak with."
"Me, why?"
"I wanted to speak to you about Dean, can I come in?"
"Sure," Sam said, slightly confused as he opened the door wider so the Angel could enter. "What do you want to talk to me about?"
"I am worried about your relationship with Dean."
"Why and how is it any of your concern?"
"It is my concern when there is an apocalypse in full motion and the only two people who can stop it are bickering like five year olds," Castiel replied and Sam felt a shiver of fear at how threatening his demeanour was. "You need to talk things through with your brother properly and you need to make the first move because he is too stubborn to do so."
Sam sighed; he knew Castiel was right; things did need to be let out in the open. It was just going to be hard to get Dean to do that. "How do I do that?" He asked.
"I do not know," Castiel replied with a slight grin on his face; he knew how difficult Dean could be.
"Well he's coming back so you'd better think of something quick," Sam answered back as he looked out the window and saw Dean pull up in the Impala. A few moments later Dean opened the door and walked in.
"Hey, what's up?" He asked as he saw Sam and Castiel looking slightly guilty.
"I should go," Castiel said quickly. Giving Sam one final look he disappeared into thin air.
"What was that all about?" Dean asked and Sam simply shrugged his shoulders. "Whatever, I need to go and get something outta the Impala," he said as he grabbed the handle to the now closed door. No matter how hard he tried the door wouldn't open. "What the hell? Cas!" He shouted. "Open the damned door. Do you know why he's locked us in?" He asked, turning back towards his brother.
"Dean, we need to talk," Sam said.
"Talk about what?"
"Everything."
"I thought we did."
"No we didn't, we never talk. It's usually me talking and you backing out of it because you can't handle talking about your feelings. We need to lay everything out on the table and get this sorted."
Dean sighed; he knew Sam was right, things hadn't been okay between them for a long time and his reluctance to talk was only making things worse. "Where do we start?" He asked as he sat down at the table.
"The beginning?" Sam suggested.
"Okay," Dean sighed and they began to talk.
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It felt good to get everything out in the open; finally putting past grievances behind them and beginning to move on. When they finally finished talking, both Dean and Sam felt much better. They were both stronger as a team; working together to fight the apocalypse.
"Hey the door's open," Dean grinned as he turned the handle. "We can finally leave."
"Great," Sam said and headed out the door. "Tell your boyfriend next time he wants us to talk not to be so sneaky."
"Where are you goin'?"
"Out, I've been stuck in that room for hours," Sam grinned and shut the door, leaving Dean alone.
"You heard Sam," Dean spoke out loud. "Stop being so sneaky."
"It was the only way I knew the two of you would talk," Castiel said as he appeared behind Dean and wrapped his arms around the hunter's waist. Dean smiled and leaned into his Angel. Castiel placed a gentle kiss onto the crook of Dean's next.
"I just wanted to do something for you since you helped me."
"I know," Dean sighed contentedly as he turned to face Castiel. "And that's one of the reasons I love you," he said as he kissed him softly, pushing him closer to the bed. "Can you do that door locking thing again?"
"Why?"
"I don't want Sam to interrupt us," Dean grinned wickedly as he pushed Castiel onto the bed and followed him down; his lips not leaving Castiel's.