1. to moderate or mitigate: to temper justice with mercy
2. to soften or tone down
3. to bring to a proper, suitable, or desirable state by or as by blending or admixture
4. to moisten, mix, and work up into proper consistency, as clay or mortar
5. Metallurgy. to impart strength or toughness to (steel or cast iron) by heating and cooling.
Meredith was being particularly difficult, twisting and turning as Cas attempted to secure her in a diaper. The child was unruly just like her mother. He had finally stuck the little tabs down before she rolled and crawled toward the couch, where Cas knew she would pull herself up and start to walk – unsteadily like a college drunkard. He kept an eye on her as he pulled his vibrating phone out of his pocket, wondering why he would be getting a call so early on a Friday morning.
The name on the screen was Sam W and suddenly he had a bad feeling in the pit of his stomach. It seemed to be wrapped around his intestines, squeezing and jerking and making him feel as if he would vomit. "Hello?" His voice reflected none of his worry, and he hoped that it was unfounded. He had no idea why Sam would be calling him at all. Except… Dean had told him that Sam knew of their affair. Could he finally be truly upset about it enough to threaten to expose them if Cas did not? He had not thought that Sam would be so underhanded, though.
His own thoughts almost prevented him from actually hearing what the younger man was saying. He only caught the end. "… in the hospital."
"What?" It was there now, in his voice. The worry and the strain and the discomfort. Thankfully, he did not have to truly hide. Meg knew that Dean and he were friends and if he was in the hospital, she would understand that Cas was upset. He would just have to be sure that he did not appear too upset.
"Some guy found Dean passed out in his car outside a bar. It was running and he got a minor case of carbon monoxide poisoning, but they're really worried because they say his drinking is starting to destroy his body and he has to stop. And I really think you should come down here and I don't give a damn if you have plans to be out of the country in a few days." Sam had not seemed to stop in that sentence. He had said it all in one breath.
Cas had not even thought of going to Paris. It did not matter. Dean needed him and he would go to him. "I will be there, Sam. I just have to be sure that Meg is prepared to take Meredith with her on her own and I will be there."
"Good." There was no other sound after that, and Cas had to look at his phone to be sure that they were still connected. They were not. Well, that was fine. It saved Cas time in talking to Meg.
He grabbed his daughter, ignoring her struggling at being prevented her roaming and marched into the bathroom. Meg was showering, he could see her naked body through the lightly steamed glass of the shower door. When she saw him, she turned and then lifted an eyebrow. "You won't be gettin' lucky if you bring the kid, Clarence."
Cas had never figured out why she had insisted on calling him Clarence in all but the most formal or intimate moments. Right now, he had no time to think about it further. "I have to go to Lawrence." She had been his wife for more than three years and had dated for two years before that. She knew him well enough to know that it was important and so stepped out of the shower after a quick rinse to take the soap off. After she had wrapped herself in a robe, she held out her hands and he gratefully pushed Meredith into her hands.
"What's wrong?" She asked it while soothing the child in her arms who did not like the growing tension she could feel in the room. Children were sensitive to that sort of thing. When Cas left the room to pack an overnight bag, Meg followed.
"Dean is in the hospital. Sam said the doctors are worried and that I should get down there as soon as I can." He might have missed the look that crossed her face if he had not chosen that moment to turn with his clothes in his hands. Her eyes widened and then she turned to look intently at her daughter.
After a moment of silence in which Cas attempted to decode the action, she gave him a smile. "I know he's your best friend. Go. I can handle Meredith for a couple weeks with my parents. You should stay here."
He was so grateful that he decided the look did not matter. He kissed her cheek and shoved the clothes into his bag with no respect to what may wrinkle with such indelicate care. There was no memory of what he had packed, he just knew that it was enough for a few days. If he needed to stay longer, his family had washing machines he could make use of, or he could always come back to this house to get them.
The drive to Lawrence took both less time and more time than it had before. It took less in reality because he sped the entire way, narrowly avoiding traffic tickets he had no interest in through sheer luck. It took more time in his heart because no matter how badly he had ever wanted to be by his side, Dean had always been fine before. Oh, there were times he had been hung over and the time he had broken his wrist. He cut his mind away from the memory of why he had not actually come back while Dean was in his cast before his emotions could make the drive any less safe than it already was. The point was that Dean had always been fine, never on the brink of disaster with Cas so far away.
Once he entered the hospital, it was only the work of a short minute to get directions to where Dean was resting. He only got half way down the hall before a hand on his arm had him stopping in his tracks. He looked into the hazel eyes of Dean's younger brother, trying to tell him how important it was that he got to Dean with his eyes alone.
Sam was having none of it. He pulled Cas down the hall into a waiting room that was empty. Once there, he let go of his arm with enough force that Cas was tempted to rub it. He was confused as to why he was here, why Sam would call him down if it were not to see Dean.
Thankfully, the younger Winchester had no desire to keep him waiting. "You need to end it, Cas." When he continued to look confused, Sam gave a sigh and angrily wiped the hair out of his face. "This shit you're doing with Dean has to stop. Anyone with eyes in his head and more than a passing familiarity with the two of you can tell that you're tearing him apart."
Cas could not imagine ending things with Dean. They had tried before and neither of them had been able to withstand it. He did feel guilt crawling up his lungs, though. He knew that Dean drank more when he was not around and that after he had found out that Meg was pregnant had drank more often than he should, but Cas did not want to believe that his love for Dean could be behind all of the pain he felt.
Sam did not take his silence well. "The last few weeks, since we all told him that he was drinking too much – and I know you said it too, Cas – he stopped drinking at home. But Bobby said he was still coming in hung over all the time, and that he was pretty sure he saw Dean drinking from a flask in the bathroom." When Cas still did not speak, he threw his hands up.
"You don't get it, do you? This is what happens every damn time you don't come around for a while! You go away and he starts to kill himself slowly. Except it wasn't slow this time, Cas. If that guy hadn't gotten worried because he thought he remembered seeing Dean's car on for a while, Dean would be dead. He was so drunk that he fell asleep in a car that was started. He knows not to do that. But when you keep staying away, he stops caring. He barely wears a seat belt and doesn't care when people catch him drinking."
"You are proposing that I leave him when my absence is what does this to him?" Cas spoke quietly, hurt but angry as well. It was no business of Sam's what Cas and his brother did.
"You still don't get it! It's not your absence that does it. It's the wondering when you're coming back." Sam was angry with Cas in a way he never had been before. "You need to tell him you're not coming back and let him move on."
Cas had to pull himself back as the words struck him. "But I love him."
He was not happy with that response. "Then let him go. Or I'll make you."
Cas believed that he would. He felt his emotions running out of his face and body, standing limp with a slack face. "A threat?"
"Anything it has to be, Cas." A smile hung on his face, but there was no humor in it. It was angry and violent and intimidating. "Dean took care of me for long enough that I can take care of him now and do what's best for him. He's too fucking blind to tell that you aren't it."
He turned to go, but Cas felt words slipping past his lips before he was out of the door. "I could be."
Sam's shoulders stiffened. "Then why are you with Meg?" The words hit him in the stomach and soured.