AN: I wrote this ages ago during season 5, around the time Kensi returned from Afghanistan. This is set in the future, so the state of Deeks and Kensi's relationship is not exactly what we're seeing on screen at the moment, and as I mentioned I wrote this a while ago so this is what I imagined their relationship would be like. Basically there's just less raccoons and metaphors and more of the ability to communicate with words not fists.
Disclaimer: usual stuff, bla bla bla. I own nothing.
Deeks glanced up, removing his head from his hands as he felt someone sit down next to him.
"I'm sorry. I came as soon as Hetty told me," Kensi said as she gently placed her hand on her partner's arm. She mentally cursed the fact that it was her own fault that she had been working with Callen and hadn't been there for Deeks when the incident occurred.
Across the room, someone rose from one of the uncomfortable plastic chairs and began pacing up and down the waiting room. Deeks wished he had the energy to get up and stretch his legs. He babbled and joked and ran around at a million miles an hour, but when he fell, he fell hard.
"Do you know anything yet?" Kensi asked, subconsciously moving her hand up and down his arm in soothing motions.
"He's still in surgery," Deeks answered, feeling his heart break again with every word.
"He's tough. He'll pull through," Kensi said, hoping to wipe that devastated look off her partner's face.
"How do you know?" Deeks asked in a small voice, sounding very much unlike his usual jovial self.
"Because he has you," Kensi replied softly, as if this was obvious.
Deeks nodded, looking down at the floor. He tried to swallow back his sorrow. He couldn't lose him. He just couldn't.
"Do you want me to get you anything?" Kensi asked, concerned. "Have you eaten? Are you hungry? Do you want a drink?"
Deeks shook his head.
"I just... I just need you here right now," he spoke in a voice barely louder than a whisper.
At some point during the conversation, Kensi had moved her hand from his arm to his shoulder, rubbing gently circles on his back. She let her head fall to rest on his shoulder, her arm around his back and her free hand reaching for his. He let his head rest atop hers.
It meant a lot to him that she was here. Even after all they'd been through over the last 18 months – acknowledging their feelings, getting together only to be torn apart, reuniting briefly before breaking up, the following awkward months of having to work together, the fighting, the tension, getting back together, breaking up again, Kensi accidently letting those three little words slip in a moment of near death, Deeks reciprocating and then getting back together, the big fight, the break up, Kensi asking to be partnered with Callen for a while. Even after all that, she was still there for him when he needed her the most. That was a true partnership. That was love.
"Mr Deeks."
Deeks' head shot up before he rose from his seat to greet the man who held all the answers he needed to know. Kensi stood off to the side, just behind him. She always had his back.
"The surgery was partially a success," the man began. "We were able to contain some of the internal bleeding; however, there is extensive internal trauma, and the outlook isn't good. It's really only a matter of time. I'm sorry to have to say this, but in this case there's really nothing more we can do."
Deeks' face fell. These were the words that had been floating around in the back of his head and the same words that he had been so afraid of hearing.
"So what are you saying?" Deeks asked, his voice wavering. "We have to..." He trailed off, unable to even say the words.
"Ultimately, it is your decision, but he is old. His body can't fight this the way the younger ones might. It's only going to get worse and he will be in a considerable amount of pain. In situations like this, we have to take the patient into consideration and consider that euthanasia might be the best option."
Deeks took a moment to think over everything the surgeon had just told him. He could feel Kensi's hand rubbing his back again. It broke his heart even to think it, but deep down he knew what he had to do.
"Okay," he finally spoke up, feeling guilt and regret enter his stomach as he gave the go ahead.
"I can let you and your wife in to say goodbye if you like," the surgeon offered. Deeks remained silent, still trying to comprehend what he had agreed to.
"That would be nice," Kensi replied when it became apparent that Deeks wasn't going to say anything. She didn't bother correcting him on the wife comment. It was an assumption that people often made and she was sure they'd hear it again.
The surgeon led them through to one of the exam rooms where they were greeted by a very tired and worn out patient, still coming to from the anaesthetic. The surgeon left the room, saying he would be back with the needle in a few minutes. They could take as long as they needed.
"Deeks, are you okay?" Kensi asked when he partner made no move to do anything. It was a stupid question. She knew he wasn't okay. He couldn't possibly be okay given what he was about to lose.
"Do you mind if I..." she tried again, gesturing in front of her to indicate her desire to say her last good bye.
"I think he'd like that," Deeks replied truthfully.
Kensi stepped forwards, reaching out to gently touch the weak body that was laid out in front of her.
"Hi, Monty," she said softly, noting the way the he didn't even respond to her voice. Normally he would jump when he heard voice, excited to see her. He'd grown quite fond of her during the time she'd spent at Deeks' place.
"You're going to be okay, alright?" she continued as she stroked the dog's shaggy coat. "And I'm going to take care of your daddy."
His fur was clipped in some places and he sported bandages from his surgery. He looked tiny and frail on the harsh metal table. But the thing that struck Deeks the most was how scared the small dog looked. His big puppy dog eyes glanced around the room, taking in the sight of the scary room before settling on Kensi and listening as she spoke of their time together, reminding him of the good times they had shared.
Sensing that it was time to let Deeks say goodbye, Kensi gently pressed her lips to Monty's head with a whispered goodbye then stepped back.
Kensi watched as her partner stepped forwards to greet his dog. He perched himself on the side of the exam table, sitting next to Monty's head. Even in his weakened state, Monty managed to find the effort to crawl forwards and rest his head on Deeks' thigh. They'd always joked and said that Monty had grown to love her more than Deeks, but when it came down to it, it was Deeks he sought out. This seemed to be the breaking point for Deeks. Kensi noticed as the tears began to pool in his eyes; such a rare sight.
"Hey, buddy," he said, his voice cracking as he spoke. He received a small canine whine in response.
"I remember the first day I brought you home," he continued, gently stroking the dog. "You looked so lost and scared and you followed me around the apartment all evening. Then when I came home from work the next day I found you sitting on my spot on the couch, acting like you owned the place. I guess it became your spot from that day on." He paused for a moment. "You saved us all today, the whole city, even if Sam won't admit it. You've been such a good dog, Monty. Such a good friend."
Deeks sat there with Monty's head in his lap, petting him and talking to him until the vet returned with the lethal needle. He swallowed as he watched the vet approach, feeling the tears brimming in his eyes again.
"Are you ready?"
Deeks nodded, though he was nowhere near ready for this. He never would.
As the vet prepared to give the injection, Deeks leaned down for one final goodbye. He too kissed Monty atop the head by way of farewell before saying his goodbye.
"Goodnight, buddy."
Monty whined one last time, as if to say 'goodnight, Daddy'.
It was at this point that Deeks reached for Kensi's hand, linking his fingers with hers. She stepped closer to him, knowing that this was his way of seeking comfort from her. They stayed that way as the vet administered the needle and little Monty stilled in Deeks' lap, never to move again.
...
As Kensi pulled into Deeks' driveway later that night, she didn't even have to ask. She would be going inside with him. Deeks had been uncharacteristically silent on the way home. Though given the circumstances Kensi could understand. She hadn't pushed him to talk. Instead she had just changed the radio station to one she knew he liked and driven him home.
Deeks didn't seem surprised when Kensi got out of the car and locked it before joining him on the walk to his front door. He knew he wouldn't have to ask her to stay. She knew him better than anyone else did, and she knew that he needed some comforting company that night.
He stopped once they were halfway up the path, causing Kensi to stop beside him. He turned to her and tried to sort out the words in his head.
"Kens," he began, looking down at the ground for a moment before meeting her eyes again. "Thank you. For being here, and just... everything."
Kensi nodded, a small somber smile on her lips.
"That's what we do."
With that, she put her arm around his shoulders and turned back towards the house. His arm found its way around her waist, and together they continued their journey. Even with their complicated and ever changing relationship, no matter what the state of it, they both knew that they would always be there for each other.