The Power of Love

He sits on his couch listening to his heartbeat. His dog stays the night at his brother house so he's all alone. Suddenly his nice cozy 2-story house seems too big, too quiet, too cold, and too empty. He's bored. He's tired. He's antsy. He's a little scared. He's full of questions. The uncertainty of life is staring him in the face, unblinking. And he doesn't know what to do.

What if he can't let go? What if he can't move on? What if he can't put the past behind? What if he can't find someone else? What if he can't find happiness?

What if he can't forget Stephanie?

Yes, he knows he's being pathetic. He hates feeling like a lovesick deserted puppy but he can't help it. He can't stop thinking of Stephanie. He sees her bright happy smile whenever he closes his eyes to sleep. He hears her laughter whenever he turns on the TV. He feels her soft warm lips whenever he opens the pizza box and smells garlic, basil, and cheese. He can't eat. He can't sleep. He dares not watch TV. He's afraid he will be swallowed by the cold merciless shark-like loneliness and break out in tears. He won't get down on his knees and begs her back. He's the Italian Stallion. He has his pride.

So she left him for Ranger. So she moved into Ranger's apartment. So she signed up for kickboxing and cooking lessons. So she's driving Ranger's sleek black Porsche and wearing the necklace Ranger gave her on Valentine's Day. So it's a Tiffany Key with real diamonds and sapphire. So she looks more beautiful than she used to be. So she's happy. And he can't stop feeling hurt and jealous.

He can't stop feeling sorry for himself. He is the victim here. He has done nothing wrong. He loved her. He just wanted her to be safe. He just wanted her to stay away from danger. He just didn't want her to get hurt. He just wanted her to settle down. He just wanted to shake some sense into her stubborn head. He just wanted her to be happy. He knew they would be happy together but she chose Ranger over him. And he'd thought Ranger doesn't do relationship. She told him Ranger doesn't do relationship and stupid things like babies and marriage.

And he'd thought he'd won.

But just as he started planning to buy her a reasonably priced beautiful ring, she dumped him for Ranger for no reason at all and moved in with that crazy lawless cold-blooded mercenary that very night. He vaguely knew something was off when Bob woke up in the middle of the night and wouldn't stop howling. He looked upward at the bedroom ceiling and asked God "Why?" when his friends, families, and neighbors called to tell him the news. Sometimes he flat-out hates his life. He feels like he's living inside a glass house and everybody is watching his every move. Every day he has to fight the compelling urge to scream and wave his arms at all those people. This is his life, not the Season fucking 7 of Jersey fucking Shore.

He runs a slightly shaking hand through his too long hair and lets out another not so silent sigh. It's well past midnight and he's both mentally and physically tired. No use lamenting the past. What is lost won't be found. He has lost his chance. He has lost his love. He stands up and turns off the light. The sense of loss drags at his feet. He barely has the strength to go upstairs to his bedroom. He takes off his clothes and gets in bed.

Maybe he can find comfort in his dream tonight.