A/N: This is a one shot I wrote for ThePurpleConundrum over on DeviantArt (I'm over there as Bubbles4Jesus). She requested I do a Fem!Cousland/Alistair piece, so here it is. Hopefully she's okay with my fem!Cousland and her past with lovers... but that's what makes Alistair so perfect for her! And 3OH!3 was surprisingly really inspirational for this fic. And a little bit of Bruno Mars for that end bit. Love my music!

Alistair sighed, trying not to watch Elissa Cousland's pacing form too closely from his crosslegged position on the dirty floor of their Fort Drakon cell. He tried to wipe the dirt off his bare legs unsuccessfully. There was just no escaping the damn dirt. It was everywhere, and even Alistair, who was used to going a few days without a shower and sleeping on the rough-hewn ground of Ferelden, felt incredibly filthy. After they escaped, he was sure that his first destination would be Arl Eamon's washroom.

That is, if Elissa could come up with a plan.

"We just have to get the guard in here, and we can jump him for the keys," she said, just barely loud enough for the ex-templar to hear. He knew she kept her voice hushed just in case their guard happened to overhear them, though he was zoning out in a corner of the cell block that Alistair doubted he would have noticed unless she screamed the words. Or spazzed out in a burst of movement. They'd learned that that always caught his attention when the resident of another cell slapped his cellmate and had been dragged away kicking and screaming for punishment.

"We can do that in several ways," Alistair said bluntly.

"Well, just calling him over isn't going to work. We're going to have to do something radical."

"Like what?" he asked, arching an eyebrow. "Attack each other?"

The immediate lighting in her soft brown eyes told Alistair that suggesting that had been a very bad idea. "You're brilliant!" she said, gushing. He blushed at the compliment, but didn't carry the conversation further, instead letting her lay out a plan. "We'll pretend to get into a fight, and the movement will catch his attention."

Alistair frowned. "I don't want to hurt you."

She smirked. "You won't."

The ex-Templar's brow knotted. "Well, not on purpose, of course, but a stray fist could-" He was silenced by a slender finger to his lips, the contact causing him an involuntary shiver of pleasure, which he hoped she could pass off as a reaction to the chilly chambers.

"Alistair. You won't hurt me. You can't hurt me." She gave him a cocky smile, unveiling the rogue inside. He nodded. She would be able to dance around his strikes with ease.

"Okay," he whispered.

She gave a startling shout, swinging her fist dangerously. Alistair sidestepped the punch, just barely, before lifting a leg and snapping it outward towards her hips. Her moves made him question whether she really had a solid spine, the way she just... flowed around his foot and brought her own up to kick at his abdomen...

And make contact.

Alistair wheezed at the sharp pain he felt in his stomach, silently cursing at himself for getting so lost in Elissa that he'd forgotten to move. Her eyes widened as she realized what she'd done, and she placed both hands on his well-defined abs, which caused a swarm of butterflies to flit around in his stomach. "I am so sorry," she said sincerely. "We'll distract him a different way."

"No!" he protested. He was not going to appear helpless here. "I'm fine."

Elissa shook her head violently. "I have a new plan," she whispered. "Just follow my lead." And she took his face in her hands and kissed him hard on the lips. Alistair went rigid, confusion rattling his entire body. She pulled back for a moment, shoving him up against the bars of their cell, well within sight of the guard. And then she winked. "Don't worry. Just go with it. This will definately attract their attention." Alistair's eyebrows rose for a moment in mild surprise at her abruptness, but shrugged and pressed his lips to hers again, parting them slightly to deepen the gesture. The butterflies were going insane inside of him, but he kept kissing. He'd never done this before, though he'd always known deep down that if he were to ever kiss anyone, it would be Elissa. The doubt wouldn't have been there if this had happened under different circumstances, but he wasn't sure if there was any actual chemistry occuring or if Elissa was just doing this just for the sake of distracting the guards.

She spun them around, casually putting his hands on her bare waist. Alistair's heart flitted in his chest. "Oh, Maker, why'd they have to take everything but our underwear?" he thought to himself. Elissa was definately the one in charge during this encounter. Which made sense, he figured. He knew she'd had many suitors, many lovers in the past. She was a master at the art of love, yet had trusted in him to keep secret the fact that she'd never truly felt loved by any of her lovers, and she never returned the feeling. It was why she'd never married, why every relationship she'd ever been in was simply a fling. Alistair, raised in the Chantry, had never had a single experience with a woman. From the constant flipping of his stomach whenever he looked at his fellow Warden to the slender tongue invading his mouth right then, he was completely inexperienced. They were nothing alike, and for three months now he'd held the phrase 'opposites attract' close to his heart.

Because he loved Elissa, and he wanted her to be able to feel it. To put her in a new situation just as she was doing to him right then.

And as this thought crossed his mind, Alistair took his hands off her hips, pushing aside all thoughts of lust and letting the instinct of his heart take over. He snaked his arms around her shoulders, pulling her close, taking his tongue from her mouth and instead deciding to pepper small, sweet kisses up and down her neck. This time, she was the one who froze.

"Alistair, you're supposed to follow my lead," she whispered, voice shaky.

"Don't worry," he said, smiling against her lips. "Just go with it."

She hesitated for a moment, seeming to think over the best course of action, before reaching a hand that had previously been pressed against his chest, up around the back of his head and threading it through his soft hair. He smiled, feeling the butterflies die down and be replaced by a feeling of warmth.

"Hey!" an unrecognizable voice seeped into Alistair's concience. The guard. He closed his eyes and held back a number of choice words for the interruption of one of the rare moments of bliss he was experiencing. "Either you two stop sucking face, or you'll each spend the night in separate torture chambers!"

"Keep going," Elissa urged, her voice unnaturally husky. "Need him..." she paused to occupy the crook of his neck with her lips before continuing, "to come into our cell."

And come inside he did. The guard angrily raised his fist, ready to beat Alistair to a pulp from behind, when Elissa was suddenly gone from his arms and behind the guard instead, an arm hooked around his neck and pulling back hard. Alistair turned to perform a well-aimed kick to the man's stomach. That, along with Elissa's strangulation, pretty much took the fight out of the guard, and the female Warden released her death grip. He dropped to his knees, gasping for air, before being permanantly silenced as Elissa snapped his neck with her heel. She took the key to the chest that contained their posessions and strode over to it without another word, pulling out her leather armor and slipping it on before taking her precious daggers and sheathing them behind her back. She turned and smiled at Alistair.

"Good work. Get dressed," she said, back to good-natured, normal Elissa. As if nothing had just happened between the two. He obeyed, pulling the chainmail over his body with only a slight air of glumness. He picked up his familiar longsword and shield, placing them in easily reachable positions against his back before turning to her.

"Alright," he said with a smile that he tried his best to make genuine. "Break from cell, check. Break out of entire fort, in progress."

She giggled in a very un-Elissa-like way before touching his cheek. "And here you are, teaching me something new every day. She stood on her tiptoes and pressed her lips to his briefly, sweetly, and pulled away. He rose an eyebrow in confusion.

"What was that for? Guard's dead."

She just smiled, white teeth gleaming even in the low light of Drakon.

"Who says I need a reason?"

Fin