The Guardians of the Galaxy on the Road to Knowhere
A dangerous enemy, a new ally for the Guardians, and an enormous amount of slime.
[Author's Note: This story takes place a month after the story Drax, Gamora, and the Really Bad Donuts.]
"I would kill a large number of people for a shower," said Gamora.
"Is that a metaphor?" said Drax.
"Don't think so," said Peter, in the pilot's seat.
"Damn, just when I thought I was getting the hang of it," said Drax.
"Some of us need more than a once-over with a damp cloth to get clean," said Rocket to Drax. "Those of us with hair and fur."
The five of them looked at each other. They were covered with sticky yellow goo, the legacy of a fight with a swarm of Karach'ii bugs. Horrible creatures, only two feet tall but mostly teeth, and with a tendency to explode into slime when shot, stabbed, or crushed. And there had been a lot of them – 7,319, according to Groot. They had come bursting up through the crust of slag-heap planet D59A47/98Q7-004. Not the first infestation of the things seen in this quadrant, but the first in a while. Bit worrying, really.
Ship had been damaged in the final attack of the swarm, and it had taken Rocket six hours to bring the engines back online. He had said that the patch-up job would not last for long, and had only been possible by taking parts from Ship's shower system, rudimentary as it was. So they had been covered in muck for six hours now. No-one was especially happy about it.
"I also had to use one of Drax's frypans," said Rocket. "We are currently being protected from leaking engine radiation by a kitchen implement."
"One of my frypans!?" said Drax. "Which one?"
Rocket held up his hands to indicate the size.
"But that one was my favourite!" said Drax.
"Hey, if it stops you cooking I consider it a service to the galaxy," said Rocket.
The communicator console beeped. The face of Nova Prime came on screen.
"You all look disgusting," she said. "But I assume it means that you won the battle of D59A47/98Q7-004."
"Won is a relative term," said Peter.
"As long as they have been stopped," she said. "Those things will eat whole planets if they can. All they do is consume and multiply."
There was a sudden clunk! from the innards of Ship. Their speed dropped dramatically.
"And there goes the frypan," said Rocket.
"No way we'll be able to make Xandar," said Peter.
"Our best bet is Knowhere," said Gamora, looking at the navigation screen.
"You mean, the place that ended up thoroughly trashed after our last visit?" said Rocket.
"And the place that would require body parts as a down-payment on ship repairs?" said Peter.
"You might find that there have been some changes at Knowhere," said Nova Prime. "I will send a message to the Xandar Liaison Officer there, and he will be ready for you, and ensure you are not ludicrously overcharged for what you need." She signed off.
"I am Groot," said Groot.
"You're right, the idea of a Xandar Liaison Officer at Knowhere doesn't sound good," said Rocket.
There was another clunk! noise.
"Not much choice," said Peter.
They walked down the gangway in the dock. At the end, there was an oddly familiar face.
"Welcome to Knowhere," said Nova Corpsman Rhomann Dey. "You all look awful."
"Hey, it's ... that chubby fellow," said Rocket.
"So you are the Xandar Liaison Officer," said Gamora. "I suppose that is a step up from being Nova Prime's hat-holder."
"And what is this?" said Drax, pointing to the creature beside Dey. "Wait, I know, it is a dog. They have many lives."
"You don't know the half of it," said the dog.
"I did not know they could talk," said Drax.
"They can't," said Peter. "Well, obviously that is not entirely true."
"Allow me to introduce the Governor of Knowhere," said Dey, gesturing to the dog.
"I know this guy," said Rocket. "Last time I saw him, he was in one of the Collector's display cases."
"Yes, and I thank you for getting me out of there, even though it was really just a catastrophic accident," said the dog.
"I am Groot," said Groot.
"Whoa, no need to shout, big fella," said the dog.
"I am Groot," whispered Groot.
"Yes, they certainly are," said the dog.
"The Governor is telepathic," said Rey. "Mind reading and control. So it would be unwise to try and deceive him. Or play cards with him."
Peter was looking at the battered collar the dog was wearing. It said CCCP.
"What's a cccp?" said Rocket.
"It's a while ago, but I remember that it stood for a country on Earth, called the Soviet Union," said Peter. "Wait, I recognise you now. You're Cosmo the Space Dog!"
"Indeed," said the dog.
"Which means?" said Gamora.
"Well, when people on Earth starting going into space, the Soviet Union sent capsules with dogs up first, as an experiment," said Peter. "That happened before I was born, but I had a book about it. Cosmo was sent up in a rocket, to go into orbit, but something went wrong. The rocket just kept going. Headed for deep space. No-one knew what eventually happened."
"What eventually happened," said Cosmo, "is that my little capsule was sucked into something that I now know was a Class K anomaly. When I came out the other side, I was in this galaxy, and I was what I am now. By which I mean telepathic and, when I encountered people, capable of learning speech. I can tell you that it is somewhat over-rated."
"That's a really stupid story," said Rocket. "Sheesh, I can't believe I'm talking to a dog."
"I am Groot," said Groot to him.
"That's entirely different," said Rocket.
"In any case," said Dey, "quarters have been prepared for you to use while your ship is being repaired."
"I suggest you shower," said Cosmo. "Extensively. You smell awful. And I can tell that because ... I'm a dog."
"So much better," said a freshly-scrubbed Gamora, as she took a seat next to Peter, Rocket and Groot at a food stall overlooking Knowhere's huge dock area.
"This place is getting a bit too ... clean ... for my liking," said Rocket, looking around. Indeed, Knowhere was looking much more ordered, efficient and productive than it had before. Only about a quarter of the people walking around were armed.
Drax sat down beside them. "I was not fortunate," he said. "All the food that is sold around here is little dead animals on sticks."
"And so your search will continue," said Gamora.
Cosmo and Day came up to them. "Mister Quill, Lady Gamora, I have something you might like to see," said Cosmo. "While Corpsman Dey shows the others how the repairs to your ship are proceeding."
So Peter and Gamora followed Cosmo. " 'Lady'?" whispered Peter to Gamora.
"It's an honorary title," said Gamora. "I am, after all, a daughter of Thannos. You may call me Lady if you like."
"I'll think about it," said Peter.
Eventually, they came to a little hut, and went inside.
It was full of Terran stuff. Everything from pieces of clothing to electrical equipment.
"Whoa," said Peter. "Where did all this come from?"
"Picked up by Ravagers, mostly," said Cosmo. "They've been going to Earth for a fair while. Being stupid, they have no idea what might be valuable so they grab anything. I keep an eye out for things when they hit the market. Call me foolish and nostalgic."
"You are foolish and nostalgic," said Gamora.
"Oh, is that how you got the samurai sword, Gamora?" said Peter. "A Ravager jumble sale?"
"Why, yes, I did," said Gamora, although she had no idea what a jumble sale was.
She noticed Cosmo looking at her. She searched for a way to change the subject. "What is this?" she said, pointing at an object at random.
"Ah," said Peter. "An old friend. That, Lady Gamora, is a television. And, look, this one even has a built-in VCR. That was state-of-the-art, once."
Cosmo suddenly said: "We should go. There is something happening at the dock."
They hurried back the way they had come, and met Drax, Rocket, and Groot at the stall. They could see a barge coming through the airlock, towing a freighter behind it.
"So what's so unusual?" said Peter.
"What is unusual," said Cosmo, "is that there is no-one on that freighter. No signs of mental activity."
"Dead?" said Drax.
"No, just not there," said Cosmo. "Very odd."
The freighter looked rather battered, with fissures in the hull. The barge slowly manoeuvred it into a bay.
"Where was it found?" said Peter.
"According to the barge pilot, it was found drifting near a planet designated D59A47/98Q7-004," said Cosmo.
"Uh-oh," said Rocket.
"I am Groot," said Groot.
"You don't think ... oh, you do think that it's Karach'ii bugs," said Cosmo. "That ... would be a real problem. They would consume Knowhere and everyone in it."
"Tell your people to not open the ship doors," said Peter. "Seal the whole area."
Too late. They could see that one of the doors of the freighter was already being prised open by several workmen.
As soon as the door was open a crack, a cascade of Karach'ii bugs came swarming out. The workers were consumed in a few seconds.
"I cannot mind-control them, as they do not have minds to control," said Cosmo. "I am directing people to raise the gangways, but the main one is fixed in position."
"Then maybe we can block it while you get everyone as far back as possible," said Peter. He, Gamora, Drax, Rocket and Groot began to run for the main gangway.
"And just after I got clean," muttered Gamora, drawing her sword as she ran. The other gangways were slowly raising.
A hundred bugs, maybe more, were coming across the bridge. Rocket pulled his multi-barrelled gun from the holster on his back and fired. The bolts cut a swath through the oncoming wave of creatures, but there were many more.
Peter had his twin guns drawn and was firing. Groot extended his arms and swept dozens of the creatures up, and then crushed then into slime. Drax had his knives out and was slicing every bug in reach into fragments. Those that he did not slice, he stomped on.
Gamora swung the sword again and again. I really like this weapon, she thought.
Suddenly, the wave of bugs was no more.
Gamora wiped gunk from her face. "That wasn't so hard," she said.
"I am Groot," said Groot, pointing towards the freighter.
"What?" said Rocket, as he reloaded. "Oh ... right."
There was another wave of bugs streaming over the gangway. A bigger wave. Quite a lot bigger.
"You know what we could really use right now?" said Rocket. "A plan. That's what we could use. Quill, did you hear what I said just then? About needing a plan? Quill?"
"The creepy little beast is right," said Drax. "There are likely to be many more of them still in the freighter."
"Working on it," said Quill. He was studying the freighter, and the barge that had brought it in. They were still attached. He turned and looked back, studying the network of gangways.
"There!" he said, pointing. "If we can get over there, we can get to the barge, and then maybe haul the freighter out of here. Rocket, you think you can start that barge?"
"I can start anything," said Rocket. "Fifty counts of vehicular theft, remember?"
"There are certain to be bugs on the barge by now," said Gamora. "You will need me too."
"Then go, you three," said Drax. "The tree thing and I will hold this bridge."
"I am Groot," said Groot.
"Yeah, you too," said Rocket.
Peter, Gamora and Rocket ran back along the gangway, until they came to a turn that would lead them towards the barge. They ran along it, but then came to a gap of several metres, where a gangway had been raised. It was a long drop to the bottom.
Peter took a few steps back and then ran forward, launching himself into the air. He made it ... just. He hauled himself up.
"Come on!" he shouted back to them.
"Uh, I have a slight problem here," said Rocket. "Short legs and long gaps, they just don't go together."
Gamora sighed. Then she picked him up.
Rocket said: "Don't tell me you're going to – "
Gamora said: "Yes, I am."
"I HATE ALL YOU PEOPLE!" screamed Rocket as he soared through the air.
And then Peter caught him.
Gamora came leaping across – not even an effort for her.
"How humiliating," said Rocket, as Peter put him down. "Please don't tell Groot. Or Drax. Or the dog."
"We'll consider it," said Gamora.
They started to run for the barge. All the workers had either fled or been eaten.
They could see the main gangway from here, Drax and Groot smashing bugs as quickly as they could. But a few bugs had already got behind them, and the two Guardians were in danger of being surrounded. And bugs continued to spill from the freighter.
"Let's get this thing out of here," said Peter. He opened the door to the barge cockpit and they ran inside.
"You call this a plan!?" said Rocket.
The cockpit was full of bugs. Twenty, maybe.
"Leave this to me," said Gamora. She raised her sword and charged forward, slashing left and right.
"Wow," muttered Peter. "She's ... wow."
"Do you think we should help her?" said Rocket.
"How many of them are left?" said Peter.
"Twelve, maybe. No, about eight. Five."
"Probably not necessary, then."
"Yeah, you're probably right."
Gamora finished the last two with a single, extremely impressive swing of her sword. She looked at Peter and Rocket. "Thank you so much for your assistance," she said. She glanced down at herself. She was covered in slime.
Peter drew his gun and fired – at a bug that had come up behind Gamora, almost in striking distance. It exploded, sending gunk over whatever of Gamora was not already gunked.
"You're welcome," he said.
Rocket was already in the pilot's chair, manipulating controls. "A little by-pass here, a small over-ride there, and ... here we go," he said. He pulled the start-up lever. The engine clanked into life, coughed ... and then sputtered out.
"How many counts of vehicular theft was it again?" said Gamora.
"Ha, I see the problem," said Rocket, pushing more buttons. "Had it in reverse." He pulled the lever again, and this time the engine started. Peter, in the co-pilot's chair, began to steer the barge out of its bay. There was the sound of metal grinding on metal as the freighter behind them began to move.
They headed for the open airlock.
"Can't we go any faster?" said Gamora.
"It's a barge," said Rocket. "It goes at barge speed."
They were through the lock, freighter in tow, moving away from Knowhere.
"Now what?" said Rocket.
"I vote that we dump it on Xandar," said Gamora.
"I like your thinking, but it would take us a long time to get there in this tub," said Peter. He turned the barge towards the wall of translucent colour.
"You know that that is the frontier of the Universe, right?" said Rocket. "That's why it's called The End. Because ... it's the end."
"I do," said Peter. He pulled the lever that dropped the cables linking the barge to the freighter, and then turned the barge away. The freighter, on its own gravity-less momentum, continued towards The End. It collided, and exploded in a shower of sparks and fire.
"Bye-bye bugs," said Rocket.
"I hope you will see fit to base yourselves here," said Cosmo, as the Guardians prepared to board the repaired Ship.
"Um, maybe," said Peter.
"I cannot tell you how unpleasant the experience has been, at every level," said Drax.
"I am Groot," said Groot.
"Well, I can understand that," said Cosmo. "But I hope you will reconsider when you have had time to think about it."
"Thanks for the money, anyway," said Rocket. "Not that we, you know, don't deserve it."
They began to file onto Ship.
"Lady Gamora, a moment, please," said Cosmo.
Gamora turned to face him.
"You will have to tell him," said Cosmo.
"About ... the sword?" said Gamora.
"No, about ... the other thing."
"Oh. That. Well, not if I can help it."
"But that's the thing, isn't it. You can't."
Gamora sighed. Life had been so much simpler when all she had to do was kill things. She went on board and closed the door behind her.
They were turning towards deep space when Gamora, walking along the main hallway, saw something sitting on a low table. She called the others.
"What is it?" said Rocket.
"It's a box," said Drax. "Of some sort."
"It is a television," said Gamora.
There was a note on the top. GUARDIANS – YOU MIGHT ENJOY THIS. COSMO.
"It's not just a television, it's a TV-VCR combo," said Peter. "Hey, I wonder ... " He pushed the eject button on the VCR part. A tape popped out. There was a title on it: he showed it to the others.
"And what," said Rocket, "is a Casablanca?"
END