A/N: So I've finally written a finale fanfic. This is idea one of two... ;)
Eh, don't know how I feel about it...
Begging for One Day – Part 1
"You've made the right decision Lindsay." I nod once, avoiding eye contact.
"Yeah." The word feels like a lie, gut-wrenching pain filling me at the thought of leaving Jay behind.
We're not together now, but if I left Chicago we would be officially done.
The thought makes me feel sick; I try and distract myself.
The promise of one day and growing old together in Wisconsin will be forever lost, no finding our way back from this.
I take a deep breath remembering I have no job here, I need a fresh start and I'm doing this for Bunny.
The last thought leaves a bitter feeling behind so I repeat the first two reasons again, trying to convince myself.
The buzzing of my cell phone pulls my attention; I frown at the caller ID.
"Hank?"
"Erin." Instantly I'm on high alert, my heart beating rapidly in my chest.
"What happened?" My question is frantic, dread filling me at the sound of Hank uttering my name.
"Jay's been shot." All the air leaves my lungs, my heart dropping into my stomach.
"What?" My whisper is harsh.
"I'm sorry."
"Who?" I shake my head, hand coming up to cover my mouth.
"I don't know. I found him like this." Hank's gruff voice is the last thing I need as comfort right now, all I need is the warm tones of Jay's voice.
"Found him? I don't understand." I stumble back to the wall, unable to carry my weight with the thoughts racing through my mind.
"At Bunny's." In desperate need to ascertain assurances he's okay and to rush to be by his side, I choose to let this line of questioning drop for now.
"How bad?" I hold my breath, waiting for his reply.
"It's bad Erin."
"Oh god." I pull the phone away, sickness consuming me as the world I know crumbles around me.
I hear Hank's loud voice, pulling me back to reality as the phone finds my ear again.
"Ambulance is on its way. But I knew you would want to know straight away."
"Damn it. I'm coming. Hank, I'm coming." I don't even notice I'm crying as I push past Special Agent Spencer.
"Bunny." I barge into the room, eyes like fire.
"Honey?"
"Don't." I thrust my hand out in front of her shocked face.
"What's wrong?"
"Jay's been shot." The words feel foreign as they tumble from my mouth.
"Well, it's not my fault." I scoff at her, shocked at the first words coming from her mouth.
I shake my head in disappointment when I realize I shouldn't be surprised.
"Nothing ever is, is it?! The man I love has been shot and that's what you have to say to me? You're daughter?" My tone is dripping with venom, eyes showcasing my hurt.
"No, of course not honey. Come here…" Her embrace looks far from comforting or welcoming.
"Don't. I can't believe I was going to give up Chicago for you… give up Jay for you. You never showed me love, but Jay has shown me the world. He's done so much for me… I'm not leaving. You're on your own. Rot in jail for all I care."
I rush out of there and to my car, not an ounce of sadness as I leave my mother behind to face the consequences of her actions.
I speed the short distance to the hospital, praying to any god that will listen to save Jay. I run into the ED entrance searching around frantically, finally my eyes land on a terrified Hank.
"Hank, where is he?" My eyes find the gurney racing along side him and I can't look away.
"Jay!" My voice sounds hysterical even to my own ears, as my feet take me to his side, running along side as I listen to the paramedics update the doctors.
"Jay! Baby, I'm here." His face is so pale, eyes closed and an oxygen mask over his mouth.
My eyes drop to his abdomen where I see red seeping through the white bandages packed against his wound, his shirt ripped.
"Erin." My name is soft as it falls through his lips, eyes opening slowly.
He reaches up to remove his mask as I continue to cry, one hand is tightly in his and the other cups his cheek.
"I'm here. Stay with me okay?" I whisper as I drop my forehead to his.
"I love you. I'm sorry." I shake my head fiercely, pressing my lips to his.
"Stop it. I love you too, alright? Come back to me. You need to come home." I'm begging him through the tears, failing in my fight to stay strong.
I kiss him again, salty tears on both our cheeks.
"Please fight this." I place one last kiss on his forehead as we reach the treatment room and Dr Choi starts calling out directions.
I hold onto Jay's hand as long as I can, until Hank pulls me back to let them work.
"I'm not going anywhere." I don't look at Hank, knowing he heard me and understands exactly what I mean.
We stand there silently as we watch them work, cutting off the rest of Jay's shirt and calling out a diagnosis that sounds terrifying.
"We need an OR. I can't control the bleeding." I cover my mouth with my hands, when we hear the monitor altering the doctors to a problem with his heart.
"He's coding."
"We're losing him!"
"Oh god. Jay, please come back…" Hank holds me closer as I sob, my fingers gripping his arms tightly.
"Get her out of here."
"No. Please. Save him. Jay!" Hank pulls me away, as I struggle against him. I cry harder when I can no longer see Jay, can no longer convince myself he's still here.
I'm left blind to worry if the man I love is still breathing. If his heart is still beating.
The same heartbeat I listen to at night as I rest my head on his chest, the sound lulling me to sleep.
Will I ever have those moments of calm again?
After what feels like an eternity but is only a few minutes Maggie approaches us with a soft smile.
"Maggie?" My voice is hoarse.
"They managed to get his heart started again, they've taken him to the OR. We will do everything we can for him. We'll keep you updated okay?"
"Okay. Thank you." I know the words are mine, but I don't even feel my mouth moving. My body is numb as I process the news.
"Umm. This did fall out of his pocket… we think he'd want you to have it Erin." My heart stops at the sight of the ring box in her hand.
"What?" It's barely a whisper, shock flooding my body. Hank's body is tense beside me but I don't turn to face him.
I'm crying as I reach my hand out to take the box, I caress the box gently before opening it slowly.
"Oh my god."
More tears fall as I take in the beautiful engagement ring; I run my finger over the diamonds before stumbling back into a seat.
I slowly pull it out and begin to slide it onto its rightful place when I pause, not wishing to steal this moment from Jay.
Softly I push it back into the box and force it shut loudly, I don't dare let go of the box.
I sit here clenching the ring box so tight, afraid if I let it go I would be letting Jay go as well.
"How is he?" I haven't taken my eyes from the box in my hands, images of the life we could have flashing through my mind.
I vaguely hear Al and the others asking Hank for an update.
"Is she holding a ring box?" Ruzek asks confused.
I stand suddenly and walk through the hospital, hoping to escape their looks of pity, knowing my life has been on a downward spiral for as long as I can remember.
My time with Jay the only happy time I can recall, knowing his wife is where it all went wrong. I wish he didn't push me away to deal with his PTSD, I wish we did a million things differently.
I'm angry Hank split us up as Partners, and that I welcomed it at the time. Jay would have never let me off the rails in that case, I know watching me spiral hasn't been easy on him.
The image of Jay pulling me off the suspect before I could raise the gun is crisp in my mind. He always sensed my moods, our actions in tune.
I open the ring box again; feeling like this could be the answer to our problems.
This could be our fresh start, with our bond only growing stronger as we are united as husband and wife.
No more secrets, no more lies.
Complete transparency as we truly learn to rely on each other and accept support, knowing we both need it to heal.
We can use our love to push through the hard times and come out the other side stronger than ever.
"Hey kid." Hank takes a seat next to me.
"Did you know?" I nod to the box in my hands.
"Do you think I'd send you off to New York if I did?"
"Probably. Not sure why you even tried. Especially for Bunny… when we both know she did this." The confession hangs between us.
"You need a job, and I don't think you're getting yours back. Not here."
"Admit it. You want Jay and I apart." I refuse to look at him.
"I guess I did."
"And now?" I feel him shrug next to me.
"I don't know. I'm starting to see, you and Jay will always be a part of each other. You were inevitable… and always will find your way back to each other. You both need each other."
"I was going to leave Chicago for a woman who never loved me." I let the sentence sit there, bitterness coating my mouth as Hank grunts.
"When the man I love… the man who shows his love for me is right here. He has always had my back…" I trail off, tears slipping down my cheeks.
"The man who truthfully, has made me feel the most love I've ever felt in my whole life… is right here in Chicago. Why would I go to New York for that woman? When Jay is here." Hank doesn't say a word, sensing I have more thoughts and frustrations to express.
"Jay's the most important person in my life, we got lost this year and that messed me up… and then all of this happened and so I fell back into old habits. Pushing people away… saving Bunny. I'm done with that. I can save Jay; he left me for a reason this year. And you know what? He can save me too. I'm okay with that now. It's how it's meant to be. He's the one." A piece falls into place, my outlook shifting when I admit my true feelings to myself.
I've accepted what we mean to each other, our shared feelings and that we can always save each other from our dark pits of despair.
"But you're job… I'm not sure I have any get out of jail free cards left."
"Then I won't be a detective. But I'll have Jay." Hank's hand covers mine.
"I'm proud of you."
"At least I hope I'll have Jay." The sentence causes a sharp pain in my heart.
"He'll be okay Erin, he's strong." The unbearable need for answers consumes me, pushing me to my breaking point.
"What happened Hank?" I finally ask, unable to quiet the noise filling my head anymore.
"I don't know…"
"Why wasn't he wearing a vest?"
"I told everyone the case was over. The FBI was handling it… I guess he couldn't let it go. I shouldn't be surprised, it involved you. And he's had it out for Bunny this case, wanting to rid you of her maybe. Wanting to protect you… so he went back to Bunny's to search. I had the same idea but by the time I arrived… I found him bleeding out." The image of Jay crumpled on the floor, blood spilling out and draining the life from his body is too confronting so I squeeze the ring box tighter.
"Who did this Hank? I need to find who did this."
"I know. I have the team working on this. They won't stop." The promise in his voice is strong.
"You don't think…"
"What?" He prompts, pushing me to finish the thought.
"Did Bunny kill Johnny? Did she send someone back to her apartment, to make sure we never found the evidence we need to prove she did? What if she's the reason he…" I close my eyes, not ready to face that idea yet.
"He'll make it Erin." He distracts me from my dangerous thoughts.
"He has to." I whisper fiercely.
A/N: It's late so this is the first part.
My other finale fic idea is more... Jay finds out Erin is leaving but she's already at the airport. He rushes there. Forces his way onto the plane.
'You can't leave'
'Why not'
'Because I want to marry you'
I can't get it out of my head... don't worry I'll finish this one first. lol
Hope it's okay... let me know your thoughts with a review :)
PS. There are likely mistakes in this/ things that don't make sense... sorry, just go with it. haha