Free

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This began as an experiment as I imagined how it would feel like to die under the pressure of final exams.

A little word of advice: Don't cram.

And yes, the word 'finals' actually does stand for something: "Fuck I Never Actually Learned Shit" (courtesy of urban dictionary dot com; I find it fun to see how people perceive final exams. I think this person captured it dead-on)

Anyway, I think I'm still alive.

Standard disclaimers apply.

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"I think she's slipping away," a faraway voice inside (or was it outside?) her head declared softly, as if not wanting to break the soft buzz and haziness that draped over her.

Which was good, because she didn't want it to be broken.

"Are you sure?" another voice asked, this one deeper and quieter, weighted with authority so that he (she was sure it was someone she knew and that it was a male; it had to be) so that the question seemed more like a command. But Sakura knew better, even in this fuzzy, pastel world of hers, where everything was seen in shades of an unhealthy pink.

"She's going to die. Tsunade did her best, but it's not going to work out. She's gonna be gone anytime, in either in minutes or hours."

A pause.

"Until her heart stops beating and gives up."

Sakura tried to shake her head, but it was too cotton-filled and feather-weighted and unresponding that she stopped halfway, listening and digesting the words that were being said above –they were being said above, because Inner...whoever she was... had disappeared years ago, right?.

('Do you want some of my flowers, Ino?' she could remember saying but couldn't put a face to the name. The girl was probably pig-like because she got the feeling that her Inner had a love-hate relationship with this Ino.) She inwardly wrinkled her noise.

"See! She just blinked! Obaa-chan! Tsunade! She blinked –or is it 'blunk'? Anyway, Sakura just blank!" the first, higher-pitched energetic voice was heard yet again, and this time, it was more faraway, and it took her a few more seconds to process what was happening.

Tsunade seemed to be 'obaa-chan', as the excited voice had implied, and drawing from the previous comment, the lady had probably just tried healing someone near death's door and failed. Sakura tried to frown, but only got a twitch instead. But who could be that important to garner the attention of Tsunade? Sakura could remember very little about much of anything, but the fact that this Tsunade was important was grounded in her mind. Tsunade was probably close to the poor girl –Sakura knew the patient was a girl because somewhere in the back of her mind, she had the knowledge that Tsunade hated men, always having them looking down her shirt, and only treated either women or prepubescent children. And that memory was because of seeing a big, white-haired pervert peeping through the windows so many days ago.

What was his name?

Oh, right.

It was Jiraiya. Jiraiya-sama.

But Jiraiya had a pupil, didn't he? Sakura knew him from somewhere else, someplace else. She could feel it in her nonexistent bones, wherever they were (they weren't there, they had never been there) and she knew she knew him and she knew she loved this boy –Jiraiya only trained boys, girls were too hard for him to handle –she knew she loved this boy under Jiraiya like a brother. This boy. He was probably the owner of the hyper, emotional, knuckle-headed voice she was hearing (in her head?) above her.

N…it began with an 'n'.

Naru…

Naruto?

So it was Naruto.

He was obsessed with something, wasn't he (besides ramen, that was, because a dim memory showed her bowls of ramen surrounding the blonde (?) boy)? Because she also knew that that boy had made a promise and he became so hell-fucking-bent on keeping it that she had wanted to take it all back.

But she didn't because she knew how much he meant to him, the other stoic, fiery, cold (he was always a paradox, that other boy), strong, weak, angry boy. His name was Sasuke, wasn't it? Because she remembered how she swore to both him and herself that she would do anything for him anything he wished.

"Sakura-chan! Can you hear me?"

Sakura sighed, but her breath got caught and she ended up choking on something intangible (probably the memories) but stopped quietly and wondered about the girl who was Sakura-chan, who was probably dying in front of Naruto and Sasuke and she wished that they'd be like that when she died. Because she remembered spending many days and many nights with this Naruto and this Sasuke. Because they had been on the same team.

It was all clicking together.

Because Naruto would always ask her out for ramen after he came back so they could all catch up on things. And then he and Sasuke would leave the bill on her –Sakura-chan –so that they could go beat each other up. Because they were like that.

But wait. She remembered something, something important. She had just –said- something that was slipping elusively away out of her slippery grasp (all those memories).

And Naruto would leave the bill on her –herself –Sakura-chan…

She was this Sakura-chan.

Which meant that she was dying, she was really dying and fuck she was too young to die because she and Sasuke were just beginning to have conversations, unlike the one-sided ones in the past, and Naruto, god, Naruto was so close to becoming Hokage and she had promised, god, she had promised that she would stay alive until then.

No.

No.

No.

She didn't want to die, fuck, she couldn't die because Sasuke and Naruto would be alone and Tsunade…she would lose another person she loved because Sakura remembered her clearly now and she was like a second mother she never had. And Jiraiya, god, Sakura would never be able to punch him in the head when he peaked in and no, no, no, Kakashi would spend more time at the memorial sotne, where her name would probably be carved ('Sakura, age 25; dead of kunai to the heart in a seduction mission because she always held her heart on her sleeve', would be engraved in his mind) , and she could imagine his Sharingan burning into a deeper, duller shade of copper-red.

"Sakura, stay here with us," the soft voice –Sasuke's voice –said slowly, hesitantly, "remember when we were all together that night?" He had resigned himself to the worst, but that didn't mean he wasn't going to give up on her.

And Sakura remembered (she could feel Sasuke's proud grin as she did and twitched in response) and she was in the living room with him and Naruto again, all three of them arguing about the most sexually experienced.

It was a silly argument, really, but they had somehow all made it to the bed in one piece, but Naruto had kicked Sasuke but mis-aimed and hit a squashed Sakura in the sandwich of bodies and who had promptly bitten the Uchiha on the spot where the curse seal remained. They had all frozen at the spot, afraid of how Sasuke would react, but when he elicited a long and guttural moan, they all knew they could go on (and why he never let anyone touch it in public). And so they quickly became a tangle and mess of sweaty and heated limbs and heated sighs post and pre-orgasm. Not to mention the screaming on Sakura's part.

A voice broke Sakura out of that particular pleasant, if not erotic recollection.

"She doesn't have much time left," Naruto's voice swept through her mind, all rolling thunder and crashing waves, "Sakura-chan," he whispered in her ears, his scent slowly (but surely, because slow and steady always won the race), snaking its way into her nose, a healthy combination of ramen and sweat and musk. She made an effort to both inhale and listen at the same time.

"Remember that afternoon with the butterflies?"

And she did because she went from being in that hot sweaty night-memory with two male bodies to being in the middle of the woods –'lost', she had called it, 'his favorite place' was how Naruto had termed it and Naruto had laid in the bright yellow-green grass and had just talked, talked about everything and nothing and anything in between until Naruto had started counting down.

"5…"

"4…"

"3…"

"2…"

"1…"

And there suddenly had been butterflies exploding around them and they were now exploding in the hospital room where she was now –al crystal saccharine blue and emerald green –and she opened her eyes (one last time) and saw Tsunade, standing beside her and Kakashi too and Sasuke and Naruto with their heads buried on either side of her neck.

And she was free –free—because she was flying and free and moving and she couldn't think of a better way to die than to die with Naruto's scent and Sasuke's eyes and everyone she loved in her mind.

Because she was free.

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I think I've improved.

Then again, maybe not.

What do you think?