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"Well"
"Well!"
"See you later!" said the two teens before heading off into their separate directions. By standers will only see a sight of excited departure from Killua and Gon as they each headed off into their own adventure. Their short and upbeat dialogue before parting ways was filled with hyper gestures and enthusiastic yelling. People who didn't know better would surely expect this to be a light hearted parting of the two friends.
However, as soon as the two turned their backs, with their heads forward and stride fast, a look of pained determination reflected in both their eyes. Both wanted to get as far away from each other as fast as possible. Their strides mirrored each other in speed, fast enough to be the jogging speed for any person with a normal physique and stamina. Both knew if they faltered and look back, they would only make their separation harder for each other. Considerate and stubborn as they were, Killua and Gon helped out each other until the end.
"Onii-channn!" complained Alluka as she wheezed to catch up to Killua. "You are walking too fasttt!"
"Oh!" realized Killua that he was indeed walking too fast for his younger sister to match his pace." I'm sorry, Alluka." Killua stood, waiting for Alluka to catch up, careful to make sure his gaze is kept forward, opposite of the direction which Gon went. He knew if he looked back, his emotions will break loose. No need to make Alluka worry over his feelings. He was not about to ruin Alluka's happiness after she just gained her freedom.
Once Alluka stood beside Killua, waiting to be lead into the most amazing adventure of her life with the personshe loved the most, Killua smiled at Alluka before taking her hands and walked on. This time, their pace was slower, and Killua calculated and applied perfect pace for Alluka's stride.
"Nii-chan" Killua continued to stare ahead, never once faltering in his walk.
"Yeah?"
"Why are you crying?"
"Ouch!"
Gon looked down to see deeply embedded finger nail prints in his palms. He gripped his fist so tight his knuckles were white with the temporary paused circulation. If his nails were just a bit longer, instead of prints, he would have seen blood trickling down his hands.
"That stupid Killua" yelled Gon to the ground. Tears fell freely, watering the parched dusty ground.
Truth be told, Gon remembered little of the time during his critical condition. Despite his lack of recognition in his surroundings, he was extremely aware of the state he was in. He shouldn't be alive right now. He knew his healthy state right now is more than a miracle. It is defying the life cycle of the world. It is escaping from the clench of death, unscathed. Even when no one told him who brought him back to life, Gon knew in his heart that it was Killua.
It could only be Killua.
However, he desperately wished it wasn't Killua.
If Gon had a choice, he would choose death over being saved by his friend. Killua's confirmation of what he had done was Gon's worst anticipation coming true.
Slap.
No! After slapping himself harshly on both cheeks, Gon's face was as red as a chili pepper. He shouldn't be thinking so negatively! He should be thankful for this new opportunity Killua granted him. Gon, while most of the time fails to use his brain, knew at the very least the concepts of fairness and equivalent exchange. Just as he knew Killua sacrificed his hands to hold the ball during their battle with Razor, Gon knew Killua sacrificed himself to save him this time around. Killua, being Killua, would never tell Gon of these consequences of course. Gon did not know anything about Alluka's abilities, so he can't be certain of what Killua sacrificed, but he desperately wishes that he will see Killua again. However, before their next meeting, Gon promises to himself that he will train and train and train and train. Never again will he be in such a foolish situation where not only does he compromise his own safety, but also that of Killua's.
A glimpse of a sign woke Gon from his thoughts.
"Woahhhh! It's hugee!"
He was at the base of the tree and was thankful of the tree's size and length. The tallest tree in the wold seems like the perfect warm up for his new training.
Killua quickly wiped up the evidence and smiled at Alluka.
"Naw. The sand just blew into my eyes."
Just as Killua mentioned that, a gust of wind blew up the sand leaving Killua and Alluka temporarily blinded by the sand cloud.
Cough. Cough.
"Ick! I have sand in my mouth!" spluttered Alluka as Killua chucked at the sight of his cute whimpering sister.
"Don't worry, let's get some chocolate later to get that nasty taste off ok?"
"Okkkkkkk!"
Step, step, step. Killua's eyes darkened again, and he continues to stare forward. He was glad their good bye was quick. He was not about to let Gon's last memory of him being that of a sobbing mess. No, he has to remain his reliable, goofy, easy-going self and pray that Gon wouldn't realize anything unusual. Most of the time, especially during crucial moments in fights, Gon can be the hugest, most stubborn idiot there is. Other times, he is just as dumb. Yet, rarely, especially when around Killua, Gon can detect the smallest lie, the most minuscule indication that something is wrong. Killua hoped that being just recently recovered, Gon hasn't yet gotten back that unique knack of deciphering Killua.
Not that it really mattered.
He was never gonna see those golden brown eyes and that gravity defying hair again.
Not if he had anything to do with it.
It pained him so much to leave Gon. While his stride appears the same as his usual walk, inside Killua is rigidly controlling his every muscle group to achieve that ease. If he relaxed even for a second, he wouldn't trust himself not to sprint back to where Gon was. Never before had he felt such an overwhelming emotion inside his being. He felt as if his heart was being teared into shreds. No physical torture was as painful as what he felt at the moment. In fact, he wasn't aware he had the humanity in him to feel this way. Heh. As expected of Gon, Gon pushed Killua beyond his comfort zone every time. At the thought of Gon, Killua smiled before hardening his gaze again.
No. This was for the best, he convinced himself. As long as he protected Alluka from hands of the evil, he could protect Gon. While that would mean never seeing Gon again, since like Biske said, Killua's presence near Gon would only endanger Gon.
Killua felt at ease knowing that as long as he was with Alluka, he can do his part to help Gon.
That was a lie.
Killua tried but failed to persuade himself as to why he can never be with Gon again.
What Biske said was too long ago to be of any importance to Killua now. He'd grown since then and he knew his abilities and his loyalty.
That was why he could face Illumi days before. The old him that Biske mentioned would not have been able to address his brother with such ease.
Ironically, that encounter with Illumi also made him realize his flaw. At that time, the only reason why Killua hadn't felt any fear to Illumi was because Killua had nothing to lose. If Killua hadn't acted, he would have lost both Alluka and Gon, the only two people in the world that he gave a damn about.
That was the problem.
If he traveled with Gon, that means Alluka would also tag along. Killua, while powerful, was no superhuman. He knew his abilities and his loyalty well enough to understand that realistically, he can only protect one person. If he could sacrifice his life to save Gon and Alluka from danger, he would do so without a blink of an eye, but if he were to be forced to choose one…
Killua can't do it.
So that's why he ran away.
Like what he always did when encountered with a tough decision that he didn't want to make.
He couldn't make.
Or else he would lose both of them.
"Onii-channn!"
"Huh?" grunted Killua disoriented as he quickly came to realize his surroundings.
"Let's go get some chocolates!" squealed Alluka pointing excitedly to a chocolate shop.
"Let's go then! Race you!"
"Not fair! You are so much faster"
Head down, feeling the wind surrounding his being, Killua took this moment to let his final tear drop fall.
Good bye, Gon.
A/N
Story based on chapter 338 of HxH. I always wondered why Killua and Gon had such serious gazes after their cheerful good bye. This is my interpretation, enjoy! Remember to review and favorite to motivate me to tap out more stories!