So, this one-shot came out of a text war between me and my friend Katie. She and I were freaking about the *SPOILER* "significant time change" taking place in the season seven premiere. Then, we started talking about the reunion scene and I got on an angst rampage. So naturally, she started replying with angst (don't we have a great friendship?), and this little beauty was born.
So, this is co-written by Katie and I. I literally had to copy and paste all of our texts into this.
But anyway, hope you like it!
WARNING: LOTS OF ANGST. (Go figure, right?)
And she waits her whole life, never drinking coffee because it doesn't taste good unless he makes it. She's without any joy in her life. She cries herself to sleep every night, dressed in his clothes and hugs his pillow, inhaling his scent and wishing he was there with her. She just wants to hear his voice again, to feel his touch, to see his face.
She drinks herself into a drunken state, worried that she'll end up like her father, addicted, who also lost the love of his life. Now she knows how it feels. She said she'd never do what he did, but here she is, doing it.
Until one day, her phone rings and she picks it up. It was faint, but she heard his voice.
"Kate?" he calls.
Her phone slips through her hands and she can't gather herself up from the ground. He's alive. She lays there stunned until she hears his raspy voice call out to her again. She scrambles to pick up her phone and holds it to her ear.
"Kate… are you there?"
"C… Cas… Castle?" she chokes out.
And she's sobbing. Not that pretty cry she normally does. A gut-wrenching, face-contorting rush of emotions only a woman who's lost the love of her life can understand.
"Kate, come get me. I'm at the hospital. I can come home."
Home.
And then silence.
She can't even hear, think, breathe, nothing.
And suddenly she realizes that she has literally wasted away in alcohol. Chasing dead end after dead end.
But, no more chasing. He's coming home. To her. To their loft.
He's missed Alexis' wedding. His mother is ill.
Her dad is all she has left, but she can't think about that. She hopes he understands that his consumed her life. It was all she could think about. She lived and breathed and dreamt about his return. She quit her job, refused to see anyone but her father, and wasted her life away in tears and alcohol. Jim tried to get her help, but she just wouldn't see anyone. All she wanted was Castle. His was the only face she wanted to see. She just wants to reach out and feel the stubble on his cheeks, wants to feel his lips on hers as they kiss, his body against hers as they make love.
And now, she may actually get that again.
She's on the floor, wearing his button down shirt. She reeks of vodka. But she picks herself off the floor, and she starts toward the bathroom. All because she heard his voice. He's always been the one to lift her off the ground when she's down. He's always been the one to motivate her, drive her, push her to her limits because he knows just how amazing she is at her full potential. She never would've arrested Bracken without him. She never would've gotten justice for her mother. She never would've found ultimate happiness without him.
She stops when she sees herself in the mirror. She looks like shit. Katherine Beckett is a total fucking train wreck. Dark circles lay beneath hollow, lifeless brown eyes. Her skin is sallow and her once luscious locks lay in disarray. Her cheekbones protrude, but not in a supermodel way. In a way that signifies she gave up on life. On him. On them.
She has lost the light. She no longer smiles. She has no life left in her. She believed it. She believed he was never coming home to her. She finally forced herself to believe that she had nothing to live for without him.
But he is alive, and he is coming home to her.
She doesn't remember the last time she showered, ate, drank anything other than liquor. She doesn't remember anything since he's been gone because all she's done is sulk, cry, and scream.
All she's done is wish he was there to hold her and tell her how much he loves her.
She unbuttons his shirt and it falls to the floor. As she steps in the shower, she promises herself that this is it. A baptismal of sorts. She lets the water wash over her and feels it cleanse her soul. The love of her life isn't dead. He isn't gone forever. He's coming home.
And she cries. Not out of despair but out of sheer exhaustion. Bone-deep exhaustion. She couldn't live this life without him. She doesn't want to. And she feels her mood lift as she cries. A cathartic release of emotions and adrenaline and before she can identify one feeling, another is taking its place and she is overwhelmed. She slides down the shower wall and sits, letting the tears mix with the hot water hitting her. She's forgotten what it feels like to be hugged by him. To be kissed by him. To be loved by him. All because he's been gone for so long. But now, he's coming home. And that's the only motivation she needs to stand back up and reach for the soap and shampoo. She washes off the grime of the days without him. She washes off the sweat, blood, and tears she shed when she thought he was gone. And as she runs a washcloth over her body, the fragrance of her body wash overwhelms her and reminds her of the last long, hot, sensual shower they took together.
He's standing behind her in the shower soaping up her back. His lips fall on her exposed neck, as she's pulled her hair up to avoid getting it wet. His hands run the length of her back and his hands drift over her rounded backside, down the slope of her shapely legs. His hands don't deviate from this plane. She desperately wants him to touch her. But he's teasing her. "Castle…" she moans."Castle… Castle please…" she moans again, wanting him in her most sensitive spot.
"Katie?" someone yells, breaking her out of her sensual thoughts. Oh god, it's her father. He's here for his daily check-in. "Katie, are you okay?" he yells. She swallows, and slowly stands.
Everything she thought was real for just a split second wasn't. She's still here, alone, without him.
"I'm… I'm okay…" she croaks.
But she doesn't think she'll ever be okay until she sees him again.
She hurries up and steps out of the shower, pulling on the plush robe he insisted she take from the weekend they spent in LA. The first weekend she admitted to herself that she loved him. The weekend that she had embraced his support; his unwavering support of her and everything she stood for. It was when she realized he loved her more than he ever loved his playboy image. She wraps herself in her robe and shuffles out to the kitchen.
"Dad…" she starts.
"Katie… I know," her dad responds. And with that, she falls into his embrace and he pats her back and rubs her hair. He's always known how to console her, even more so since Johanna was murdered. His little girl has been through hell and he wishes every day that he could just make it all better for her. He just wants her to be happy but in these past months, all he's seen is sadness. He stands there with her, holding her and wondering when it is all going to be over. Or wondering if it'll ever be over.
"He's… he's alive," she chokes out through her subsiding sobs.
"Katie…" Jim starts, thinking she's living one of her dreams again. One of the dreams where he was alive with her, and after awakening, she forced herself to believe it was true, and would not let anyone tell her otherwise.
"No Dad, I'm serious. He called me before I took a shower. He said he's at the hospital and we have to go pick him up," she slurred as she cried. Jim looked at her with pity, but saw a spark in her eye that he hasn't seen since she lost him. A spark that dulled as soon as he was out of her life.
She was telling the complete and honest truth.
"Let's go. I'll take you," he said, knowing that there was no way she could drive in her intoxicated, emotional state.
Kate dressed as quickly as she possibly could and practically jumped into the passenger seat of Jim's sedan. He looks at her and smiles as she pushes a strand of hair back behind her ear. She feels the bump of the pavement and with each passing mile, her excitement builds. Her heart is slamming against her chest and every hair is on end. He's finally coming home.
When her dad parks the car, she flies in the emergency room door, demanding to see him. She's talking so quickly, the nurse can't even understand her, but she stops when she hears his voice, his nervous laughter.
Then, she sees him.
He looks the same, just a bit older and scruffier. Oh, her love. He looks so beat up and worn out.
He turns and as soon as they make eye contact, his face lights up.
"Kate," he gasps.
It takes less than a second for her to burst into tears and run for him. He opens his arms to her as she jumps into his embrace, and he stumbles slightly as her weight crashes into him, but he steadies himself and before he can even comprehend his own emotions, she's grabbing his face and planting kiss after kiss on his lips, whispering "I love you" between each one.
Their emotions are completely out of control. All he wants to do is take her home and show her how much he loves her.
"Mr. Castle?" a nurse calls from behind him.
"Hmm?" he says, turning toward her, away from Kate's lips, but then all they do is connect with his cheek.
"Dr. Frank said you're all good to go."
"Thank you so much, for everything," he said to her. With that, he took Kate's hand and said, "Let's go home."
In the car on the way home, Kate and Castle sat in the back seat together, him sitting and her leaning against him with her head on his chest, clutching to him tightly. She's been sobbing the whole way home, first out of happiness, but now her brow is furrowing and she seems unhappy.
"Kate? What's wrong?" he asks gently, smoothing her hair from her face.
"I just… I've had dreams just like this before, Castle. I've been alone, dying without you for years, and I don't want this to be another time when I wake up and realize that I'll really be alone forever."
"Kate, look at me," he said, taking her hands and twining their fingers together.
Her watery brown eyes stare into his baby blue ones.
"No matter who gets to us, no matter what happens, and no matter how long, I will always come home to you, Kate. Home is where I belong, with you. You and me, together. Always."
GIVE MY BESTIE KATIE A ROUND OF APPLAUSE BECAUSE SHE IS AN AMAZING WRITER!
Review please! (: