Fiona looked out her window. She sighed. Today was a day like any other Saturday - boring and lonesome. She unlocked her iPod and checked Snapchat. She had many messages, but none of those could fill the empty hole inside of her.

Saturdays are always a boring and lonesome affair, at least for poor Fiona.

They weren't always like this, you know. They only started being lonesome after... After Fiona started not wanting to go town every week. That sounds like it's her fault, but believe me, it isn't. The person that guzzled the fun out of Saturdays was... None other than her boyfriend!

Fiona loves Robbie, she really does! He's such a nice guy! It's really hard to find a decent aquasexual, y'know! Robbie is the kindest aquasexual Fiona's ever met. But the problem is...If she doesnt go town with him every week, he gets triggered!

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

Okay, everyone untriggered again? Breathe deeply! In through your nose, out through your toes! Phew! That really had me triggered there!

Fiona likes going town! But it isn't fun every week, so she doesn't like going anymore...

Fiona loves Robbie! But there's someone else she likes, too...

ONE NEW MESSAGE: THE HYPER ONE

Fiona's palms start sweating. Her stomach fills with butterflies, her head with birdsong. God, she is so in love.

"Wua lol?" says the message.

Lucie has such a beautiful way with words, that's one of the countless reasons why Fiona likes her so much. This isn't fair to Robbie, Fiona knows... and so, she texts to her lesbian lover...

"Breaking up with robbie xD"fiona says.

She calls Robbie. Ring ring ring!

"HEYY BABE!" says robbie in his lovely aquasexual accent. "WHATS UP LOL?"

"robbie im in love with lucie" Fiona tells him.

"KOOL LOL" Robbie screeches. Fiona's eardrums burst.

"im breaking up with u lol" Fiona whispers.

LUCIE RUNS THROUGH THE WALL SUDDENLY!

"I LOVE YOU FIONA!" she yells. Fiona's eardrums, having just healed, burst again.

Fiona and Lucie start shifting?! Oh fuck yum! robbie is still on the phone and god he is crying.

That's what you get for being a triggered aquasexual SJW, Robbie!

kek.