Remy at the Bat
The atmosphere was peaceful for the Acolytes that day.
They lounged about the rec room while in varied states of play.
Piotr and Sabertooth traded shots in a pool game
While Pyro sat and burned things and made pictures out of flame.
When suddenly Remy skipped in, his face a-smiling bright
And quickly caught the notice of his fellow Acolyte.
"Hey mate," Pyro waved and finished burning a vase to ash.
"What's going on? Feel like playing Ultimate Frisbee Smash?"
"No time for that," Remy declined, a twinkle in his eye.
"I have my sights set upon a much bigger fish to fry!"
Remy jumped with fervor and looked about to shake apart.
"I've come up with a master plan to win over Rogue's heart!"
"Oh no," Piotr groaned as he predicted Remy's pain.
Sabertooth let out a grunt meaning "Here we go again."
"Oh boy!" Pyro chirped with glee and looked at Remy anew.
He leaned forth eagerly and asked, "What are you going to do?"
Remy smirked triumphantly and revealed to them his plan.
"I'm going to prove once and for all to Rogue that I'm her man!
For in the past I've been too passive and too indirect.
But this time I'll confront her and it all will be perfect!"
"To win over a femme you must get her in the mood.
And what better way to do so than make for her some food?
I'll fix for her a picnic feast on which we both shall dine.
And when she has finished her meal sweet Rogue will then be mine!"
Remy ended with a flourish and prepared for his quest.
While clinging to that hope that sprung eternal from his chest.
He skipped out of the room and to the kitchen nearly flew.
His teammates of course followed him to see what he would do.
Remy reached the kitchen and set upon his task with zeal.
Cooking like a maniac to create the perfect meal.
Ingredients flew through the air, knives chopped them up real fine.
Pots bubbled upon the stove, the oven worked overtime.
From the doorway the Acolytes watched Remy rush about
Cooking and putting the occasional grease fire out.
"Should we stop him?" Piotr asked looking on with concern.
"No way," Sabertooth snorted. "Let's just watch him crash and burn!"
Later Remy strapped a large picnic basket to his bike.
Filled with tons of food and drink he knew Rogue would really like.
Catfish, beans, fried chicken, biscuits and jars of marmalade.
Gumbo, jambalaya, hush-puppies, homemade lemonade.
Sweet potatoes, collard greens, pies, peach cobber with whipped cream.
Remy sped off and smiled all prepared to fulfill his dream.
Meanwhile the other Acolytes followed after Remy's shape.
Not to cheer him on, but record his actions all on tape.
They watched him reach the mansion, hide his bike and leap the wall.
Avoid the defense systems and on towards the mansion tall.
Remy went to the back and climbed up to a balcony.
Unlocked the doors and entered seeing the room was empty.
Remy stopped and stood in Rogue's room wanting to snoop about
But he restrained himself and took a handwritten note out.
He left the note on Rogue's pillow which told her where to go.
Remy then quickly left and headed for the gazebo.
There was ease in Remy's swagger as he soon approached the place.
There was pride in Remy's bearing and a smile on Remy's face.
He entered the gazebo and his face became a frown.
There was no spot to set the food or places to sit down.
Remy began to panic as Rogue would appear quite soon.
He didn't want to stand there looking like a big buffoon.
Remy snapped his fingers, a mischievous look in his eyes.
He turned back toward the mansion intent to raid it for supplies.
While X-Men roamed the mansion like a hive of busy bees
Remy knew to avoid them and he did with playful ease.
He found a folding table after searching the downstairs.
He hauled it back to the gazebo along with some chairs.
He took out a tablecloth and he spread it like a jewel.
Unloaded thermal containers which kept food warm or cool.
Remy set the table while keeping a hand to his ear.
Listening for indications that Rogue would soon appear.
Quickly all was ready and Remy rubbed his hands with glee.
He rolled his tongue across his teeth and sat down anxiously.
From the lemonade pitcher he poured a glass and took a sip.
Excitement gleamed in Remy's eyes, a smile graced Remy's lip.
Remy then thought it would be nice to have a centerpiece.
He looked for something to make the setting's ambiance increase.
A bunch of flowers red and green looked to be the best.
Remy bent down to pick them and disturbed a hornet's rest.
Remy froze as the hornet flew and circled 'round his head.
It looked as if it would attack and sting him, but instead
The hornet flew on towards the food, landing on a biscuit.
Then the hornet's antenna waved and began to sample it.
"Shoo!" Remy grabbed a spoon and tried to swat the pest away.
He missed but forced it to fly off to live another day.
"Ha!" Remy set down the spoon with no thought to make amends.
But he forgot a hornet can have lots of little friends.
Soon an entire hornets' nest came zooming from the east.
They quickly swarmed at Remy and went flying for the feast.
Remy yelped and tried to fight off the hundreds of hornets.
But the hornets went and stung him, collecting on their debts.
From the air all dark with insects there went up a piercing cry.
Like the wailing of a diseased moose a-waiting for to die.
"AAAIIIEEEEEEEEE! OW! OW! OW! YEEEOOWWW!" Remy's voice was shrill and hard.
And he would've been stung to death had not Remy charged a card.
He tossed the card into the air. It blew up with a BOOM!
And scattered the swarm of hornets like a wild shockwave of doom.
The hornets flew in circles, each one blinded like a moth.
Remy staggered and unknowingly charged up the tablecloth.
With a smile of grateful relief Remy did his best to stand
But was startled when one last hornet stung him on the hand.
"OOOWWW!" Remy clutched his hand, the tablecloth about to blow.
And that is when Rogue appeared and entered the gazebo.
KA-BOOM! The tablecloth blew up sending food everyplace.
Pies and gumbo went a-flying and hit Rogue in the face.
Peach cobber plopped on top her head, it soaked down in her hair.
Her clothes were hit with chicken bits, catfish and silverware.
Remy froze in horror at the result of his mistake.
"Oops" and "Oh no" died on his lips. His knees began to shake.
He saw Rogue's face grow mad and cold, he saw her muscles strain
And knew she thought he'd played a prank and prepared to explain.
But Rogue's green eyes blazed with fury, her fists were clenched in hate.
She locked on Remy's face while looking scary and irate.
And then Rogue did draw back her fist, and then she let it go.
And then the air was shattered by the power of Rogue's blow.
Oh, somewhere in this crazy world, madness reigns shore to shore.
People read zany stories and laugh 'til their sides are sore.
And somewhere children are happy, and somewhere adults pout;
But there is no joy in this case – silly Remy is knocked out.
And as Rogue stomped off angrily while muttering up a storm
The Acolytes emerged and glanced at Remy's unconscious form.
"Well that's that," Piotr sighed. "Do you think he'll ever quit?"
"Maybe," Pyro shrugged and laughed. "But I wouldn't count on it!"
Disclaimer: I do not own X-Men: Evolution or the poem "Casey at the Bat".