AN: Hi! This is my first story and it's a little angsty.. oops! Well, I don't know.. I was really bored at home and I got the idea. Why I was thinking about it? I don't know! Anyways, I hope you enjoy it and review to let me know your thoughts or ways I could improve my writing or whatever :-)
Disclaimer: Don't own Glee or Kurt or Blaine or any flawless things. Damn.
I'm sorry. I didn't want it to end like this. I love you mum and dad. Thank you for everything.
As Blaine capped his pen he heard laughter and then knocking on the door followed by Wes bursting through it. "Blaine, dude! C'mon! Kurt's singing for us and we know you don't want to miss that," he wiggled his eyebrows in a suggestive manner.
"Yeah. Sure. I'll be down in a minute." He was aware that he looked like shit. His hair had escaped the strong hold of the helmet of gel he plastered it in. The only thing that makes him feel a semblance of being put together. His eyes were puffy and red rimmed from crying and his throat was raw from screaming into his pillow.
He hastily shoved the bottle of pills under his pillow along with the note and scrambled up.
He just wanted the pain to end.
He tried to sort out the disarray that was his uniform but quickly gave up and headed down to the choir room for Warblers practice.
He initially came to Dalton to get away from the cruelty of public school and its inhabitants; for Dalton to be his safe haven but now it's become a giant bucket of pressure put on his shoulders. Pressure to be the lead vocalist: a confident, energetic, happy student. Pressure to be a model student. Pressure to be a mentor. Pressure to be this, pressure to be that. Blaine idly wondered to himself how much more pressure he'd need to be subjected to until he cracked...for good.
Once he arrived at the choir room his hazel eyes automatically sought out the beautiful glasz ones that he loved so dearly and found himself, more than once, getting lost in.
Sometimes it felt like the only good thing that Blaine had going for him in his life was Kurt. Kurt who saw through his lies and "I'm fine's, who knew what he was thinking and feeling when half the time he didn't know himself, who could put a smile of Blaine's face even when he was having the worst of days, who was his best friend. Kurt who he was hopelessly in love with.
But even today seeing Kurt couldn't cheer him up and when it gets to that point, you know it's bad. Kurt realised this.
Wes banged his gavel insistently. I really have to steal that gavel from him while he's asleep, Blaine thought. "Warblers! I will have order!" At this, the room immediately quietened and Wes' self-confidence boost was like a rocket taking off to the moon. He just thrived on being the centre of attention and in the control. That was something Blaine couldn't wrap his mind around. How did he do it?
"We have junior Warbler Kurt singing for us today so everyone better give him their utmost attention or there will be consequences, " He put emphasis on those last words.
Kurt bounced up out of his seat. "Hey gang! I know you guys aren't really big impromptu performance people - which I will turn you into, mark my words – but I thought this was pretty important. These past months at Dalton have been the best of my life. After everything that went down at McKinley I wasn't sure if I'd be able to find joy in life anymore but you guys, you've changed that for me. And one of you in particular," At this he looked straight at Blaine and Blaine felt the red tinge of a blush creeping up his neck. "Blaine. You have been there for me when no one else has. You bought me God only knows how many dollars worth of coffee and listened to me when I ranted on and on about all the problems in my life. You were there for me when no one else was and, now, it's my turn to return the favour."
He signalled for Trent to press play on the CD. "Just listen to the words, they're all for you." He smiled and Blaine couldn't stop noticing the sparkle he got in his eye when he spoke about Blaine and talked to him. He pondered the possibility of Kurt returning his feelings but as quickly as the thought formulated, it diminished. Who would love me? I'm fucked up beyond belief and good things don't happen to me, Blaine thought bitterly.
As the piano started playing Blaine was curious as to what this song was, he'd never heard it before but he was certain that Kurt would knock it out of the ballpark.
Kurt was looking directly at him, eyes glittering with intention, confidence and something else, something soft that Blaine couldn't quite pin point now. He took a mental picture to further analyse later. If there was a later.
Take all my vicious words
And turn them into something good
Take all my preconceptions
And let the truth be understood
Each time Kurt opened his glorious mouth the most beautiful sounds came out and right now was no exception. He'd never seen Kurt so in his element. He wasn't looking around the room but instead his eyes were locked onto Blaine's and he couldn't look away, even if he wanted to.
Take all my prized possessions
Leave only what I need
Take all my pieces of doubt
And let me be what's underneath
Blaine still hadn't the foggiest what song this was but it could have been Old McDonald and he would still be absolutely mesmerized.
Courage is when you're afraid,
But you keep on moving anyway
Courage is when you're in pain,
But you keep on living anyway
Oh. Well. That is relevant. Blaine could see Kurt's eyes glistening with unshed tears and could feel his own beginning to form but Kurt powered through, voice not wavering once.
We all have excuses why
Living in fear something in us dies
Like a bird with broken wings
It's not how high he flies,
But the song he sings
Now the tears were flowing freely down both Kurt and Blaine's cheeks and they both knew that this moment was more than a friend helping a friend. It was a promise: a promise to always be there to lend a helping hand, to talk to, to offer a shoulder to cry on and to save each other.
Courage is when you're afraid,
But you keep on moving anyway
Courage is when you're in pain,
But you keep on living anyway,
You keep on living anyway
It's not how many times you've been knocked down
It's how many times you get back up
Courage is when you've lost your way,
But you find your strength anyway
As Kurt had been singing, he'd unconsciously inched closer and closer until he was kneeling in front of Blaine, grasping his hands and holding on to dear life, hoping that the touch and proximity would further convey the truth to the words he was singing.
Courage is when you're afraid
Courage is when it all seems grey
Courage is when you make a change,
And you keep on living anyway
You keep on moving anyway
You keep on giving anyway
You keep on loving anyway
A pin dropping could have been heard in the choir room at that point. The usually raucous and wildly immature Warblers were dead silent and had no idea what to do, say or think so they continued to sit there.
Kurt was clutching onto Blaine's hands, wishing that he'd do something or say something but Blaine was just sitting there, still as a statue.
The moment was broken by one of the Warblers sneezing. It seemed to snap Blaine back to reality and he jumped up and threw Kurt's hands away before running down the hall back to his dorm where he proceeded to scream and cry and then cry some more. He didn't even notice Kurt appearing until he was sitting on the end of Blaine's bed, albeit gingerly.
"Blaine…" Kurt began but didn't know how to finish. What did he want to say?
"Your voice was flawless as always, Kurt. It was a really nice song. I enjoyed it," Blaine's voice was devoid of emotion. It was a flat monotone. It was as if he was physically incapable of conveying any sort of emotion anymore. Kurt noticed Blaine's eyes flicking to the side and the twitch of his fingers. He seemed anxious. "I-I-I have to pee!" and with that, Blaine jumped off the bed, sprinted to the bathroom and slammed the door.
Kurt was frozen. Blaine seemed so skittish and almost guilty. He wondered why, but then he saw it, a corner of a piece of paper sticking out from under Blaine's pillow. He knew it wasn't his place to look but he couldn't stop the curiosity from overpowering him.
He tentatively reached under Blaine's pillow and was horrified to find not only a note, but also a bottle of pills. Kurt stared down at the words written in Blaine's usual handwriting only shakier and seemingly rushed. He couldn't process what was happening. No. Blaine's couldn't have been about to… No. He wouldn't.
Kurt was in denial and was so shocked and didn't know what to do so he simply sat there, gripping the paper and bottle and cried. He only looked up when he saw Blaine standing in the doorway with a stricken look on his face.
In five strides Kurt was reaching out and grabbing Blaine with all the strength he had. He latched his arms around Blaine's neck and sobbed into the crook of his shoulder.
"You-you-you wouldn't have taken the pills, would you?" Kurt managed to sniff out. "You couldn't, Blaine. You're stronger than that. You're stronger than anyone I know. I love you, Blaine. I love you so much."
Blaine didn't know what to say. Did Kurt seriously say what he thought he said? No he couldn't have. No one loves Blaine Anderson. But there was no denying it. Kurt had said it and before Blaine's brain caught up with him, his had gently tilted Kurt's chin up and pressed their lips together.
Kurt gasped and then seemed to realize what was happening and kissed Blaine back with as much fervor and passion he could muster up. Blaine tasted like salt from his tears but something so undeniably Blaine and it was intoxicating. Kurt could literally feel himself getting drunk off of Blaine's taste.
Meanwhile, Blaine appeared to be having the same wavelength of thoughts. Kurt's lips were so soft, softer than he'd imagined and he tasted of strawberries, vanilla and his tears. A tsunami of guilt hit him as he realized that he was the reason Kurt was crying and he pushed Kurt away.
"I-I-I'm sorry!" he stammered out, "I didn't mean to kiss you! I'm sorry!"
A flash of hurt took over Kurt's face and he made no effort to hide it. Blaine saw this and scrambled to find the right words.
"No! No, Kurt, I didn't mean it like that. Of course I meant to kiss you, how could I not? I'm completely, irrevocably in love with you and I have been since you stopped me on that staircase. I just meant I kissed you without your permission. I'm just as bad as-as Karofsky," he let out a sob, "I'm so sorry Kurt. It's just.. you're you, and you're perfect and you care about me when no one else ever has. You ask me how I'm doing, and then ask me how I'm really doing. You see the side of me that not many people have ever attempted to get to know and you just understand me. We click. You're everything that's right in the world Kurt, you're the sunshine to my clowdy day and…and you're it for me. There will never be another Kurt Hummel in my life and that's good, because I'd never want one. I love you so much, Kurt, that you're the one who saved my life. Every time I'd consider doing something..drastic I'd think of how it'd hurt you and ..you give me strength and courage and oh Kurt I love you so much and now look at me rambling like an idiot…" he trailed off with a shy, embarrassed smile.
Kurt couldn't breathe. He couldn't believe that this perfect yet flawed human being was capable of showing so much love after being hurt so often. His heart ached for Blaine but at the same time it felt fuller knowing that Blaine was his. And would be forever. "Blaine you're it for me too. There's no one I'd love to share my life with more. But you have to promise me," he grabbed the note, scrunched it up and threw it in the bin, "that whenever you feel like this again you tell me. I don't… I don't know what I'd do with myself if anything ever happened to you. God, I love you so much and –"
Kurt was effectively shut up by Blaine's lips covering his own and it was so right. In Blaine's arms was where he belonged and where he truly, honestly felt at home.
Blaine knew this was the right choice. That Kurt was the right choice and he'd never doubt it or himself as long as Kurt was around. As long as he had Kurt, he had everything he'd ever wanted and loved right there with him.
They would be forever perfect.