AU – The Dark Lord has won and forced many into hiding. After years of searching Severus finds one that got away. WARNING: Dark themes, not going to say anything more. Please review!
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Lucius smiled his usual smile that didn't reach the icy eyes.
"Severus, what a nice surprise." Neither of them believed the sentiment. "Please, come in. What brings you here?"
"I came to deliver a package from the Dark Lord." Severus had no idea what the box he was carrying held, and he didn't really care. After the Dark Lord had won the war he had resigned from his old duties as a confidant and was only in contact with other Death Eaters when specifically told so. This was one of those occations.
"Ah, yes, I was expecting a delivery. I didn't think it would be someone so revered to deliver it though", Lucius said lazily. "Though I might know the reason. But first, let us have a drink."
After some Firewhiskey Lucius asked Severus to follow him. He seemed almost giddy as they walked forward to the West Wing of the huge manor but didn't tell him why. As they went further Severus started to feel uneasy. There was something in the air, something uncomfortably familiar.
When Lucius opened a door he knew what it was.
Blood. Lots of it. Both old and new, dried and fresh, splashed so carelessly on the floor, the walls, it was even on the ceiling, so much blood that he thought it impossible anyone had survived such bloodloss. He felt dizzy with the overpowering stench of it.
But then he saw the pathetic figure hunched in the corner and felt so much worse.
It was no other then Remus Lupin. He was covered in welts and cuts and bruises, evidence of sadistic violence over a long period of time, but somehow Severus still recognized him.
"Ah, Lupin", Severus simply said without any emotion. "You finally found it."
Lucius seemed a bit put off by the other man's indifference. He had apparently expected some great reaction.
"Yes, Greyback caught it. I thought you'd be pleased, you've been hunting it for so long."
"Well, it seems most of the fun has been had. I can take it of your hands if you please, of course."
"That was the Dark Lord's idea, I think", Lucius mused. "I think he wanted to present it to you so you'd crawl back like a nice little boy."
Severus pursed his lips at the idea, though thought it was probably true.
"Have it cleaned for me. I'll wait in the hall."
After waiting for about fifteen minutes Severus heard a clinking sound and soon saw one of the Malfoys' servants dragging Remus along with a chain that was attached to a metal collar around his neck. He was wearing ragged clothes, and his hands were tied behind his back which seemed a bit of an overkill to Severus.
"Why the hands?" he asked the servant who handed the chain to him. It felt heavy in his hands.
"He used wandless magic to get out of his chains before. Almost killed one of Master's friends."
"Good to know", Severus simply remarked and yanked the chain, forcing Remus to take several steps towards the doors. After that the werewolf followed him, his head hung, to the carriage that was waiting for them outside. Severus ushered Remus to sit next to the driver, who looked horrified, and attached his chain to the carriage by magic. He then climbed in and was deep in thought as they rode toward his manor.
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When they arrived at Severus' manor (which was notably smaller than the Malfoy Manor) he ordered his one and only servant, a young man named Alistair, to lead Remus to his sitting room. After he'd done that Severus ordered him to leave them alone and not come in, whatever he heard. Alistair nodded and exited the room.
Silence filled the room for a few heartbeats. The werewolf hunched on the floor, still shackled from his neck and his hands. Severus raised his wand with a stern look on his face and made slicing motion with it.
The manackles melted into smoke and vaporated. Remus stretched his arms gingerly and rubbed his wrists were angry red marks showed where he'd been tied.
"Well?" Severus spat. "Where the fuck have you been?"
"I -" Remus started, but was immediately interrupted.
"Four years, Remus! Four years and no word from you." The ex-potion's master sounded oddly broken when he said this.
"I had to leave", Remus said in a strained voice. "You know I did. I'd be dead if I hadn't."
"I would've protected you", Severus said. He moved to a nearby armchair and sank to it.
"Like you protected me now?" the honeyhaired man asked calmly.
"I didn't know you were there!" Severus growled, gripping the armrests.
"You wouldn't have known where I was if I'd surrendered back then. And besides, I had to help hide others", Remus sighed and pulled him self up using another armchair, just to sink into it immediately after getting up. He was annoyingly calm, but obviosly in pain.
"How bad is it?" Severus finally asked. Remus looked away and didn't say anything. He looked like a beaten animal.
Severus got up from his seat and walked over to Remus'. He knelt down so he was facing the werewolf again. The amber eyes were dull, much more frightening than pained. Finally Remus looked him in the eyes.
"You know what Greyback's like. You know what he likes to do."
Severus swallowed hard. He knew exactly what Greyback was into, and it made him sick. What made it even more vile was that he'd done it to his Remus.
"Come, let's get you something to eat", he finally managed to mutter and stood up, helping the other man to his feet. They then headed to the kitchen.
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After Remus had eaten (Severus couldn't stomach anything but lied that he'd eaten at the Malfoys') he wanted to take a bath to relax. He made it very clear he wanted to take it alone, so Severus showed him to the bathroom adjoining his bedoom and gave him some pyjamas.
It was almost an hour later when Remus reappeared from the bathroom, hair tousled, the visible skin pink from scrubbing. He stood at the doorway of Severus' bedroom and looked nervous, tugging at the too long sleeve of the pajama shirt.
"What are you waiting for?" Severus asked from the huge four-pouster bed where he already lay under the blanket, reading a book. "Get in."
Remus walked slowly to the bed, looking anxious, and carefully got under the covers. Severus glanced at him, and sighed as he saw the other man lying rigid on his back, staring at the roof.
"Would you feel more comfortable staying in the guest room?" he asked. Remus shook his head.
"No, I just- I need some space, okay? It's nothing personal."
"I know it's nothing personal, Rem."
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Severus had a pleasant dream that night. It was more of a memory, to be honest. He was on his first mission with Remus when they were young men. They had had to share a small room at a dingy motel, it had been in the middle of winter, and the room had been icy. It was nice and warm in the end though, since they ended up sharing body heat, "just to stay warm". Nothing beoynd Severus' arms around a sleeping Remus went on that night, but it was an amazing feeling that had stayed with him ever since.
He stirred a little and stretched his arm to the side, just wanting to touch Remus, feel that he was there. Only he wasn't.
Severus sat up and clicked on the nightlight. The bed was empty beside him. For a moment he felt a cold wave of fear consume him; maybe this all had been another one of his dreams. Then he heard splashing coming from his bathroom, and saw the light from under the door. He got up and walked to the bathroom door, pushing it open. What he saw was heartbreaking.
Remus, his scarred body pink from the scalding bathwater, was hugging his knees in the tub, scratching his arms vigorously. Some blood was seeping into the water where he had scrubbed open old wounds.
"Please make them go away", he whimpered.
"Please make what go away, Remus?"
"The dreams. The flashbacks. The memories", the werewolf said in a strangled voice. He had stopped scratching, but was now swaying himself back and forth.
"Come back to bed. We'll figure something out", the blackhaired man said, his heart heavy. Remus nodded and stepped from the bath; Severus could see that his skin was peeling where it had been scrubbed too hard.
When they were at the bed, Remus once again glad in the pajama, Severus laid a comforting hand on his arm. He could feel the other man tense up.
"Remus", he said in an uncharasteristicly soft voice. "Just kiss me. It'll all go away eventually."
The honeyhaired man looked at him with pained eyes, and slowly shook his head.
"I can't live with this. Please just make it go away now. I just want to sleep."
With that Severus stood and left to retrieve a potion from his study. There were other potions that affected memories, weaker ones, but they would never completely erase all the pain and suffering. Obliviate wasn't an option since it was such a long time that Remus had suffered.
He weighed the vial in his hand. It felt cool and distant.
When he was back in the bedroom Remus had laid down and was staring at the roof again, a pained expression in his amber eyes.
Severus sighed and sat down beside him. He squeezed the vial in his hands.
"Rem, I got something. It's the only thing strong enough that I can think of. But must understand, you'll have to give up all the good memories too. Everything from a, well, long period of time. Are willing to sacrifice that?"
"Just make it go away", Remus brokenly whispered. His shattered psyche was visible in his eyes.
"I will, Remus, I will. And then we can be together again", Severus said and sighed, holding out the vial to the other man. The lycanthrope sat up and took the it.
"Drink only half of it", Severus told him. "You'll fall asleep and after that, the memories are gone."
Remus uncorked the vial and a sweet scent filled the bedroom. He gingerly raised it to his lips and let the liquid slide down his throat. After a while he gave the vial back and lay down again.
"You're right, I do feel sleepy", Remus said, blinking lazily. He was almost immediately fast asleep.
When he released his last breath the look of utter calm took over his features.
Severus swallowed hard a couple of times to keep the tears from falling. He bent over his old lover and kissed him gently on the lips. It felt ironic that in order to kiss his love he had had to kill him.
The old potionsmaster sighed and went to lay down on the other side of the bed, next to Remus, who looked years younger and almost angelic to Severus. He stroked some of the honeygold hair between his fingers and kissed Remus again before lifting the vial and downing the rest of the potion. He felt immediately drowsy and quickly lay down close to Remus, wrapping his arms around his still-warm body, much like he had all those years ago in a dingy motel.
He breathed in the sweet scent of Remus and the potion, and released.
In the morning Alistair found them. He blinked a couple of times and then went outside to the small garden. It was mostly magical herbs but there was a patch of lupins, something Alistair had never understood in the otherwise immaculate garden. He took out his wand and muttered a spell to move the earth. He then went back in, floated the bodies to the yard and into the makeshift grave. The men were still holding each other when he moved the dirt and the flowers back on top of them. The servant went back in, packed his bags and took the best Aethonan from the stables and rode away without looking back.
In the following years the house remained abandoned and cold. It didn't take long for the lupins to take over the entire garden.