God of What? – One Shot
Hey y'all it's Red the Revolutionary. Yes, I'm from Pokemon. Feel free to challenge me, I will obliterate.
This would be my first one-shot, and my first Fic in the Percy Jackson section, but I've written other Fics before. Hopefully this won't be as terrible as my others.
I am planning on posting a real Fic, not just a one-shot for Percy Jackson in the future, it should be up by Sunday, a hint of what it's about will be at the end of this One-Shot. I'd appreciate it if y'all would check that out when I publish it. In exchange, I promise to stop saying "y'all".
And so it begins.
Percy Jackson is the Savior of Olympus. He defeated Kronos, and for that, the Gods decided to reward him. They decided to make him a God. Something any Demigod should dream for.
But Percy decided that the Gods weren't good enough for him.
Or at least, that's what the Gods heard when Percy politely declined their generous offer.
So now, the Gods have come to a decision: They will make Percy into a God, whether or not he wants to become one.
But there was a problem.
The Gods, as they usually do at some point when attempting to successfully complete a task, began arguing. This time, it was about what to make Percy God of. Some suggestions were far more than he deserved, others were on par for what he deserved, and others still… Were far worse than he deserved.
But eventually, Hestia came in, and the Gods ceased their arguing.
They had long ago agreed that they were to never argue or fight in front of her. If they did, they knew what would happen: Hestia would frown, and start to cry. Instantly, the Gods would break down in guilt for making the cutest God to ever exist (confirmed by Aphrodite) to cry, and apologize. The eldest of them all was far to kind, and would cease crying, in favor of making sure that whatever argument they were in was resolved.
Hestia sighed, and asked, "What are you all fighting about now?"
"Fighting? We're not fighting." Zeus innocently stated.
"Yes you are. You always are." Hestia replied.
"Am not!" Apollo shouted.
"Are too!" Artemis replied, adding, "But it's mostly just trying to decide how stupid Apollo is!"
Apollo gasped, turned his head, and said, "Really? I find we argue more about how ugly Artemis is!"
Artemis gasped, and opened her mouth to speak, but Hestia cut in, "Stop! Just tell me what's wrong, and I'll fix it."
Most of the Gods turned their heads, but Poseidon spoke up, saying, "We want to make my son, Percy Jackson, into a God. But we can't agree on what he should be made God of."
Hestia glared at Zeus. "If I recall, Percy said he didn't want to be a God. Am I wrong Zeus?"
Zeus shifted uncomfortably. He was God of Gods, the Ultimate ruler of Earth, he had the power to smite any being, living or dead, with a snap of his fingers!
But he couldn't lie to his sister. That was proof of her power. "I think he mentioned something like that once."
"No, I distinctly remember him saying he wanted to spend the rest of his life with his girlfriend, Annabeth Chase."
Zeus refused to look at her.
"What was the first suggestion that you made, brother?" Hestia asked.
Zeus once again, ignored her.
Hestia turned to Aphrodite. She hid a smirk, thinking, Heh. Aphrodite will tell me. She is the most susceptible to me. She battered her eyelashes, and asked, "Sweet sister, what did Zeus say Percy should be made God of?"
Aphrodite melted in her seat. Such cuteness… Must tell truth… "He said Percy should be made the God of Jerks, and that he would be responsible for making sure that there were no lonely Jerks anywhere in the World…" At the end, Aphrodites eyes were glazed, and she was reduced to mumbling nothingness.
Hestia resumed her glare at Zeus, who was now visibly sweating. He did not like being on Hestias bad side. Throughout all of history, Hestia had been mad at the Gods three times. Those three times were known as the Dark Age, The Year of the Plague, and WWII. A happy Hestia makes content Gods. A mad Hestia makes for miserable Gods.
"I stand by my ruling." Zeus mumbled.
"You really shouldn't meddle with other peoples lives." Hestia said, looking across the room, each God lowering their head, nodding, and she heard one or two sniffles. "That being said, Percy should be made a God. He really deserves it, and Annabeth is a skank."
Athena raised her head, and was about to defend her daughter, but Hestia headed her off, saying, "Look me in the eyes and tell me she isn't thinking about dumping him because he isn't as good of a kisser as she thought he would be."
Athena lowered her head again. She should have known a Son of Poseidon would be a wet kisser…
"So," Hestia continued, "We will all write down what you think Percy should be God of on a piece of paper, and then I will put them all in a hat and choose three. Understood?" When all of the Gods nodded, Hestia summoned pieces of paper, pens, and a desk for each of them.
"And let me remind you all, you may not write something mean. If you do, and I choose it, I will know. I always know." She once again, looked across the room. The reactions varied.
Apollo nearly hid behind his chair, Hestia had truly caught him in some bad situations before, and knew that her wrath was awful. She didn't physically hurt him, she just gave a disappointed look that made his heart feel like lead.
Hades had been summoned, and was looking away. He had probably been on the receiving end of Hestias tears more times than the rest of them combined. Wasn't his fault he knew that being God of Hell would mean he had to be a total jerk.
Hestia thought about what she wanted Percy to be God of. If she's being honest, she would admit that she had a teeny tiny crush on him. But seriously, how could she not?
He was a Hero, he personally saved her, her family, and the entire world!
And those eyes, oh Gods those eyes… They were like looking into the sea itself…
She decided that he should be God of something close to her.
Maybe God of the Dinner table? He did say he liked her cooking… And she could cook him meals and he would fall in love with her! Perfect! She wrote down her choice, and put it into a top hat that she had summoned.
Next was Zeus. He knew that if he wrote something mean, Hestia would know. She always knew. He sighed, and thought about what his nephew should be God of. He didn't want Percy anywhere near him, so he wrote down God of Stars. Flashy, but not really important.
Hades was thinking. He, like his brother, wanted Percy in a different hemisphere than him. He quickly wrote down God of Beaches. Percy liked Beaches, right? That'll make him happy, and through it, Hestia.
Poseidon was thinking. He had to give Percy something close to himself, that way he could always visit his favorite son. Perhaps God of Waves? Yes, that will keep him close, and if Poseidon ever needs some time away, he can always just go into deep sea.
Hera resisted rolling her eyes. She was by far, the least caring of the Gods. But even she was susceptible to Hestias frown. How she despised it when Hestia was on the verge of tears, with her quivering lip, and droplets of water forming on her eyes. So she tried to be clever. She wrote down God of Babies. She knew Hestia loved babies. But Hera knew the truth. Heh. Good luck trying to calm down crying babies, Percy Jackson.
Demeter heard that Percy was a nice boy. But she didn't quite know him well enough to judge on what he would want to be God of… Eh, go with something simple. God of Spears it is.
Hermes was conflicted about Percy. He was a great kid and all, but Hermes still partially blamed Percy for his sons fate. But Hestia was right. Percy deserved something nice. God of… That's it! God of Heros! Hestia would be proud of him for thinking that!
Apollo snickered. As if his would be chosen. He wrote down God of Boners and put it in the hat without a second thought.
Artemis couldn't stand Percy Jackson. Her idea was to make him God of Dirt. But that wouldn't work now. She sighed. Oh well. May as well just make him God of something dumb. God of Donkeys it is. Hestia will love it, since it's her symbol of power, and she's smitten with him. Of course, it would allow her to call him the God of Asses behind his back.
Ares didn't understand his sister. He had originally suggested that Percy be God of Shit, but that wasn't likely to go over well with Hestia, and she was one of the few he would not risk upsetting. UG. What to do that would both make Percy suffer and make Hestia happy. Oh. Duh. God of Hestia. That made sense. Good luck to him, having to deal with Hestias almost constant teary eyes.
Athena disapproved of Percy becoming a God. She also disapproved of his relationship with her favorite daughter. But she couldn't make Hestia cry. She had once defied Hestia when she was on the verge of tears. She was probably one of the few who had managed to make it past her quivering lip actually.
But not even she could withstand Hestia actually crying. It was a disaster for Athena, leading to the Battle of Bunker Hill, where the phrase, "Don't fire until you see the whites of their eyes!" was first given.
She wrote down God of Guns. That was respectful. And she would be fine with her daughter dated the God of Guns.
Dionysus was drunk. He briefly remembered something about Gods, and Peter Johnson. Oh well. God of Bring People Who Are Wasted. Top hat. Fall back in chair. Sleep. Wait, why is Aphrodite grinning like that? She doesn't grin, she smiles… Oh well…
Hephaestus didn't like, or dislike the boy. But, Hestia told him to be nice, so nice he will be. God of Romance movies. Yes, Romance movies were amazing… He made a mental note, that if his choice was chosen, then he should become closer with Percy.
Aphrodite was last. Oh, she knew exactly what she was going to write. It would be the cruelest of them all. For some unknown reason, he had flipped off the Gods amazing offer of Godhood, for what? For one girl.
That was his weakness. He loved Annabeth, or as she called her, Annabitch. She will write down something that will destroy his relationship with Annabitch, while still being more than happy to be a God.
She grinned.
She had guessed that Hestia had a crush on Percy, and if so, Hestia wouldn't even pretend being mad at her. She would love it just as much as Aphrodite will!
She wrote what she wanted Percy to be God of, and stuck it in the top hat.
Hestia now had all thirteen of the Gods choices. She put her hand over the hat, and picked the first piece of paper.
She looked at it with an emotionless face, and looked up. "Apollo, you and I are going to have a long talk after this, do you understand?"
Apollo was surprised that his was chosen, but nodded. He knew what was coming. He knew he wouldn't be able to look at himself in the mirror for the next few weeks.
Incinerating the piece of paper, Hestia once again chose a piece of paper. Aw, I bet this is Poseidons! What a sweet father! "The first thing Percy Jackson will be made God of, is God of Waves!" She announced with a bright smile. The paper was enveloped in a bright light that announced Percys Godhood, and it disappeared.
Poseidon sat up and smiled.
Hestia reached into the hat, and read it before announcing it. Hm. God of Spears? That's kind of lame. "Oops!" Hestia said, as she dropped the paper back into the hat. "Oh, drat, I guess I'll have to choose another one! Oh well!"
She reached into the hat once again, and pulled a piece of paper. A wide grin appeared on her face, and the other Gods could tell she was containing a very girlish squeal of joy. "Percy Jackson shall be God of Dinner Tables! Yay!" Hestia exclaimed, as a bright light showered the paper, signaling Percys new domain.
All the Gods in the room knew why she was smiling, and were split into two groups. Those who were happy for Hestia, and those who were about to test Percy to make sure he was worthy of Hestia.
Without a second thought, Hestia reached in the hat and pulled out the last piece of paper.
Aphrodite grinned, and sat up. She saw the small heart she drew on the back of the paper, and knew that it was hers!
Hestia, still excited from her last announcement, read the paper out loud without making sure it wasn't something awful like she did with Apollos, and exclaimed, "Percy Jackson is now God of Harems! Wait, WHAT!".
Hm. I feel like this isn't really a proper ending, but this is good enough. I really need to start working on other shit. I feel like the rating is appropriate, but whatever. Whine, er, tell me, if you think I should bump it up to M.